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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 236276" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Terry, I am sorry you are hurting. I can totally understand easy child's decision that she needs some space to make decisions about this. Some time away from difficult child and the problems. It is very nice of her friend's mom to let her stay with them. </p><p></p><p>And very wise of you to clue in her boyfriend's mom.</p><p></p><p>Now, about difficult child.</p><p></p><p>The first time it happened, many theories for why were suggested. And any of them maybe could have been true.</p><p></p><p>But now, it has been 3 times that I remember. It is definitely an obsession, and most likely there is a sexual component to it. And stealing the neighbor's underwear is one thing. It violates boundaries, but not social mores.</p><p></p><p>But stealing your sister's underwear, and using them for whatever got them wrapped around his underwear, THAT violates some social taboos.</p><p></p><p>It is a sign that he NEEDS some intense therapy. AND he probably needs medication to help handle this. If it is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behavior, SSRi medications are most often used. Wiz was 12 when he went on increased doses of SSRI's (NOT ZOLOFT - after about 3 months on zoloft his aggression went totally out of control). He has been on Luvox (described to me by both the psychiatrist AND the pharmacist who had never met the psychiatrist as "Prozac on Steroids") since he was 13 and it really helps him control his obsessions. He still has to work on it, but the obsessions are not overwhelming and taking over his everyday life anymore. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what medications your son is on, or reacts to positively. I will say if they try to rx effexor for him say NO very determinedly. It has side effects that are terrible, and if you are even 30 minutes late for a dose you go into withdrawal. Prozac and luvox are in the body longer, so if a dose is late you don't head into withdrawal. </p><p></p><p>You need to look for a sexual offenders therapy group. You may find one through DHS or through a domestic violence shelter. Wiz was in one at the psychiatric hospital he was in for 4 months. And nothing in the group got through to him until another boy just about his size punched him in the face for denying what he was doing was sexually abusing jessie. (he was following her into the bathroom and making fun of her body, and once he went into the bathroom while she was in the shower and made horrible comments about her body - it was one way he "punished" her for telling me something he did that was unsafe.).</p><p></p><p>Your son is 12. He IS old enough to understand that his actions affect everyone in the family. He is especially old enough to understand that taking his sister's underwear is especially bad and makes everyone in the family feel terrible and angry.</p><p></p><p>He is also old enough to understand incest.I am willing to bet that other kids have filled him in on a LOT more than you want him to know. </p><p></p><p>I am very sorry. But as he continues to do this, it is time to take some serious actions. It is a serious problem, not "experimenting" or due to some "sensory" reason.</p><p></p><p>I know you will do what is best for the entire family, including your daughter. Sending hugs and support. I KNOW this is very hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 236276, member: 1233"] Terry, I am sorry you are hurting. I can totally understand easy child's decision that she needs some space to make decisions about this. Some time away from difficult child and the problems. It is very nice of her friend's mom to let her stay with them. And very wise of you to clue in her boyfriend's mom. Now, about difficult child. The first time it happened, many theories for why were suggested. And any of them maybe could have been true. But now, it has been 3 times that I remember. It is definitely an obsession, and most likely there is a sexual component to it. And stealing the neighbor's underwear is one thing. It violates boundaries, but not social mores. But stealing your sister's underwear, and using them for whatever got them wrapped around his underwear, THAT violates some social taboos. It is a sign that he NEEDS some intense therapy. AND he probably needs medication to help handle this. If it is an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behavior, SSRi medications are most often used. Wiz was 12 when he went on increased doses of SSRI's (NOT ZOLOFT - after about 3 months on zoloft his aggression went totally out of control). He has been on Luvox (described to me by both the psychiatrist AND the pharmacist who had never met the psychiatrist as "Prozac on Steroids") since he was 13 and it really helps him control his obsessions. He still has to work on it, but the obsessions are not overwhelming and taking over his everyday life anymore. I don't know what medications your son is on, or reacts to positively. I will say if they try to rx effexor for him say NO very determinedly. It has side effects that are terrible, and if you are even 30 minutes late for a dose you go into withdrawal. Prozac and luvox are in the body longer, so if a dose is late you don't head into withdrawal. You need to look for a sexual offenders therapy group. You may find one through DHS or through a domestic violence shelter. Wiz was in one at the psychiatric hospital he was in for 4 months. And nothing in the group got through to him until another boy just about his size punched him in the face for denying what he was doing was sexually abusing jessie. (he was following her into the bathroom and making fun of her body, and once he went into the bathroom while she was in the shower and made horrible comments about her body - it was one way he "punished" her for telling me something he did that was unsafe.). Your son is 12. He IS old enough to understand that his actions affect everyone in the family. He is especially old enough to understand that taking his sister's underwear is especially bad and makes everyone in the family feel terrible and angry. He is also old enough to understand incest.I am willing to bet that other kids have filled him in on a LOT more than you want him to know. I am very sorry. But as he continues to do this, it is time to take some serious actions. It is a serious problem, not "experimenting" or due to some "sensory" reason. I know you will do what is best for the entire family, including your daughter. Sending hugs and support. I KNOW this is very hard. [/QUOTE]
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