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easy child update.........fun never ends :) cutting school
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 224342" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Hi Jennifer,</p><p>I think maybe what I am seeing is that you are kind of enmeshed with dtr--you seem to identify strongly with her and you know what you want for her but she is going to have to discover for herself what she wants for herself and you will have to let her do that. It is hard to let go of our dreams for our kids but you really do have to separate yourself as a person from her. I know, I had to do the same with my difficult child 1 and it was so hard.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child 1 basically just quit going to school when she was 15 and in 9th grade. She ended up in her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at the end of 9th grade and I guess she had about a 10th grade education when she said she was done with school. This was never what I envisioned for my dtr--I had to come to the conclusion finally that her mental health was more important than school. She ended up court ordered to a rehab when she was 17 and it was there that she took an interest in getting her GED and worked really hard for it. This was something I didn't even mention to her--I was so relieved that she was off the streets and getting drug treatment that the school part was minor to me. She wanted it for herself and she worked for it and got it.</p><p></p><p>I guess my point really is that you can want all these things for your dtr but she has to want them for herself and she has to own her choices and her life. She is at the age where the more you push for what you want (which is of course what we all want for our kids) the more she will resist. She has to feel like these things are important to her, not just to you.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you are so caught up in her life that she feels like it is your life she is having to live rather than her own. If your world is going to fall apart based on her failing school or having sex or lying or manipulating then that gives her great power over you. I think if you can stay very neutral with her, have strong boundaries and stay in control of your own emotions you might have more success.</p><p></p><p>I hope I don't sound preachy or like a know-it-all--I am just a parent who has made a million mistakes but now has some insight into what might have worked better. Sure wish I could go back to when difficult child 1 was a teen and do some things differently. </p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 224342, member: 3208"] Hi Jennifer, I think maybe what I am seeing is that you are kind of enmeshed with dtr--you seem to identify strongly with her and you know what you want for her but she is going to have to discover for herself what she wants for herself and you will have to let her do that. It is hard to let go of our dreams for our kids but you really do have to separate yourself as a person from her. I know, I had to do the same with my difficult child 1 and it was so hard. My difficult child 1 basically just quit going to school when she was 15 and in 9th grade. She ended up in her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) at the end of 9th grade and I guess she had about a 10th grade education when she said she was done with school. This was never what I envisioned for my dtr--I had to come to the conclusion finally that her mental health was more important than school. She ended up court ordered to a rehab when she was 17 and it was there that she took an interest in getting her GED and worked really hard for it. This was something I didn't even mention to her--I was so relieved that she was off the streets and getting drug treatment that the school part was minor to me. She wanted it for herself and she worked for it and got it. I guess my point really is that you can want all these things for your dtr but she has to want them for herself and she has to own her choices and her life. She is at the age where the more you push for what you want (which is of course what we all want for our kids) the more she will resist. She has to feel like these things are important to her, not just to you. It sounds like you are so caught up in her life that she feels like it is your life she is having to live rather than her own. If your world is going to fall apart based on her failing school or having sex or lying or manipulating then that gives her great power over you. I think if you can stay very neutral with her, have strong boundaries and stay in control of your own emotions you might have more success. I hope I don't sound preachy or like a know-it-all--I am just a parent who has made a million mistakes but now has some insight into what might have worked better. Sure wish I could go back to when difficult child 1 was a teen and do some things differently. Hugs, Jane [/QUOTE]
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