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easy child update.........fun never ends :) cutting school
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 224373" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Here I go again. First, calm down! While having sex in your home was disrespectful, it wasn't that big of a deal in the big picture. Kids in love and in the throes of hormones do this. Parents don't like it and take appropriate action but they don't fret over it day after day. They get their daughters to the doctor. They ground the kids and prevent them from being alone as much as possible for a long, long time. They don't think it is the most reprehensible thing a child can do.</p><p> </p><p>Jennifer, there really are far worse things she could be doing. You're pretty sure she's not doing drugs (a really good thing). She has good, acceptable friends. From what you've said in the past, she really has a pretty good boyfriend. He's not just using her to have sex. He truly cares about her. She's not being violent to anyone or anything or running away. She is being a snotty teenager who needs to be reined in before she does start doing some really stupid, dangerous things. </p><p> </p><p>She deserves to be grounded for the disrespect to your beliefs and your home. Both kids deserve to not be permitted to see each other for a certain amount of time and then not be left alone for a much longer time (not that you'll be able to enforce this but at least the rule is in place) since they both knew he was not to be in the home that evening. I'm not convinced she manipulated you per se on this instance. I'm not convinced the boyfriend manipulated you. He promised no more hickeys. Has that happened since? They were being kids who didn't want to be caught, you were the one who thought she was texting you constantly because she missed you. She deserves to see exactly what sex at a young age can do to her later and now with the most graphic pictures and text you can find (so does he). She needs to see the doctor.</p><p> </p><p>Your daughter deserves to have her life be miserable for awhile. She did lie, break a promise, disrespect house rules. She doesn't deserve to feel she is a tramp and I can't help but feel your anger here shows at home just as much with the same attitudes.</p><p> </p><p>As to the boyfriend, I think you're coming down awfully hard on him. I doubt he forced her to have sex. It sounds like it was a pretty mutual decision. I know that I have never had intercourse with someone unless I had decided it was going to happen. That's pretty true of most women (even the ones who get drunk so they have an excuse for saying yes). He promised no more hickeys. Has he kept that promise? I'm sure he saw the marks on her as bragging rights -- she's my girl, look what I can do! He also saw that was not the true message and she deserved better. Having sex with her is a totally different issue in his mind. It is a private act with a girl he cares about deeply. I'm sure that he thinks they will marry and live happily ever after and, who knows, they may well do that. Kids at 15 don't really understand that what they feel today may be the exact opposite of what they feel tomorrow. Their feelings are incredibly intense at this age. From what you've said about him in the past, he really does sound like a pretty good kid whose family life is not the best. That means he needs adults to give him positive examples and help guide him, too. He is going to make mistakes but it really sounds like he is trying to do the right thing most of the time.</p><p> </p><p>I'd honestly be much more furious about the school issues. I'd talk to the first-period teacher with her present since she says she was there. Her life would revolve around catching up in school for the rest of the school year. Summer school is not saving her. I doubt she'll be able to get enough credits to make up for failing 3 classes anyway, but it will certainly put a crimp on summer fun.</p><p> </p><p>Do let your daughter know she has lost your trust and she's going to have to work hard to regain it. Sadly, for now, you're going to have to check up on everything she says. When she objects, simply explain that this is what happens when trust is destroyed. It really is a natural consequence. Trust can be regained but it takes time and effort.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As I said, I'd come down hard on her for the lying, the manipulating, the skipping school and bad grades. For the sex, I'd re-educate her to the point of embarassment. The more graphic pictures I could find of STDs, the better. The more vivid the information of what can grow in the throat, the more she'd be reading that. But don't go the route that these are rotten kids because they snuck into your home and had sex. Sadly, it is what kids do, especially kids who think they're in love and they'll do almost anything to do it, especially when they can do it in a bed. </p><p> </p><p>But please try to put their acts last weekend into perspective. Don't put your personal experiences of oral sex into the equation. Educate them as necessary. Give appropriate consequences for the acts outside of the sexual equation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 224373, member: 3626"] Here I go again. First, calm down! While having sex in your home was disrespectful, it wasn't that big of a deal in the big picture. Kids in love and in the throes of hormones do this. Parents don't like it and take appropriate action but they don't fret over it day after day. They get their daughters to the doctor. They ground the kids and prevent them from being alone as much as possible for a long, long time. They don't think it is the most reprehensible thing a child can do. Jennifer, there really are far worse things she could be doing. You're pretty sure she's not doing drugs (a really good thing). She has good, acceptable friends. From what you've said in the past, she really has a pretty good boyfriend. He's not just using her to have sex. He truly cares about her. She's not being violent to anyone or anything or running away. She is being a snotty teenager who needs to be reined in before she does start doing some really stupid, dangerous things. She deserves to be grounded for the disrespect to your beliefs and your home. Both kids deserve to not be permitted to see each other for a certain amount of time and then not be left alone for a much longer time (not that you'll be able to enforce this but at least the rule is in place) since they both knew he was not to be in the home that evening. I'm not convinced she manipulated you per se on this instance. I'm not convinced the boyfriend manipulated you. He promised no more hickeys. Has that happened since? They were being kids who didn't want to be caught, you were the one who thought she was texting you constantly because she missed you. She deserves to see exactly what sex at a young age can do to her later and now with the most graphic pictures and text you can find (so does he). She needs to see the doctor. Your daughter deserves to have her life be miserable for awhile. She did lie, break a promise, disrespect house rules. She doesn't deserve to feel she is a tramp and I can't help but feel your anger here shows at home just as much with the same attitudes. As to the boyfriend, I think you're coming down awfully hard on him. I doubt he forced her to have sex. It sounds like it was a pretty mutual decision. I know that I have never had intercourse with someone unless I had decided it was going to happen. That's pretty true of most women (even the ones who get drunk so they have an excuse for saying yes). He promised no more hickeys. Has he kept that promise? I'm sure he saw the marks on her as bragging rights -- she's my girl, look what I can do! He also saw that was not the true message and she deserved better. Having sex with her is a totally different issue in his mind. It is a private act with a girl he cares about deeply. I'm sure that he thinks they will marry and live happily ever after and, who knows, they may well do that. Kids at 15 don't really understand that what they feel today may be the exact opposite of what they feel tomorrow. Their feelings are incredibly intense at this age. From what you've said about him in the past, he really does sound like a pretty good kid whose family life is not the best. That means he needs adults to give him positive examples and help guide him, too. He is going to make mistakes but it really sounds like he is trying to do the right thing most of the time. I'd honestly be much more furious about the school issues. I'd talk to the first-period teacher with her present since she says she was there. Her life would revolve around catching up in school for the rest of the school year. Summer school is not saving her. I doubt she'll be able to get enough credits to make up for failing 3 classes anyway, but it will certainly put a crimp on summer fun. Do let your daughter know she has lost your trust and she's going to have to work hard to regain it. Sadly, for now, you're going to have to check up on everything she says. When she objects, simply explain that this is what happens when trust is destroyed. It really is a natural consequence. Trust can be regained but it takes time and effort. As I said, I'd come down hard on her for the lying, the manipulating, the skipping school and bad grades. For the sex, I'd re-educate her to the point of embarassment. The more graphic pictures I could find of STDs, the better. The more vivid the information of what can grow in the throat, the more she'd be reading that. But don't go the route that these are rotten kids because they snuck into your home and had sex. Sadly, it is what kids do, especially kids who think they're in love and they'll do almost anything to do it, especially when they can do it in a bed. But please try to put their acts last weekend into perspective. Don't put your personal experiences of oral sex into the equation. Educate them as necessary. Give appropriate consequences for the acts outside of the sexual equation. [/QUOTE]
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