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easy child update.....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 423436"><p>Jena,</p><p></p><p>Loads of commiseration here. Two weeks ago my son told me I had nothing to do with his life, and completely cussed me out....yesterday I met him for lunch as he nad his girlfriend are in a tough place and needed some parental advice. So things change and sometimes they change fast. Your daugthers attitude is not forever and so don't go there in your mind.</p><p></p><p>Some advice I got from my therapist when we first kicked my son out almost a year ago was for me to stay in touch with him even if he didn't respond. Don't do it all the time but a couple of times a week maybe... just to keep the door open.I think it is tempting when they are so hurtful to just kind of write them off and wait until they contact you.... problem is their pride makes it real hard to do that. Fact is you probably want her to contact you if she is in a place where she is ready for help....</p><p></p><p>So I have done that and it has helped.... when my son first got kicked out we didn't hear from him until he was arrested but when in trouble he contacted us. He called us a lot from jail when he was there for 2 weeks. Not so much when he was in rehab..... after this awful phone call I did not hear form him and did not contact him at all. I just decided to leave it to him.... but on Easter I sent him a text "Happy Easter Love mom". Didn't get a response. Two days later as he and his girlfriend are struggling with being kicked out of her moms house he called me.... and we had a really good meeting. I am sure his girlfriend encouraged him but I also think given I had reached out.... he felt he could reach back.</p><p></p><p>This does not mean you are not detaching... .it is still important to detach, to not try and solve their problems, to live your life, find good things going on in your life etc.... but for me it felt better to at least let him know I am here and still love him even if he doesn't respond.</p><p></p><p>So I would not text her tonight after her awful treatment of you. I would wait a few days and then text her a simple "I am thinking of you" type text. Dont offer anything, don't rescue her, but let her know you are still around.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 423436"] Jena, Loads of commiseration here. Two weeks ago my son told me I had nothing to do with his life, and completely cussed me out....yesterday I met him for lunch as he nad his girlfriend are in a tough place and needed some parental advice. So things change and sometimes they change fast. Your daugthers attitude is not forever and so don't go there in your mind. Some advice I got from my therapist when we first kicked my son out almost a year ago was for me to stay in touch with him even if he didn't respond. Don't do it all the time but a couple of times a week maybe... just to keep the door open.I think it is tempting when they are so hurtful to just kind of write them off and wait until they contact you.... problem is their pride makes it real hard to do that. Fact is you probably want her to contact you if she is in a place where she is ready for help.... So I have done that and it has helped.... when my son first got kicked out we didn't hear from him until he was arrested but when in trouble he contacted us. He called us a lot from jail when he was there for 2 weeks. Not so much when he was in rehab..... after this awful phone call I did not hear form him and did not contact him at all. I just decided to leave it to him.... but on Easter I sent him a text "Happy Easter Love mom". Didn't get a response. Two days later as he and his girlfriend are struggling with being kicked out of her moms house he called me.... and we had a really good meeting. I am sure his girlfriend encouraged him but I also think given I had reached out.... he felt he could reach back. This does not mean you are not detaching... .it is still important to detach, to not try and solve their problems, to live your life, find good things going on in your life etc.... but for me it felt better to at least let him know I am here and still love him even if he doesn't respond. So I would not text her tonight after her awful treatment of you. I would wait a few days and then text her a simple "I am thinking of you" type text. Dont offer anything, don't rescue her, but let her know you are still around. I hope this helps. [/QUOTE]
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