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easy child's moving on sat.
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 419816" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Jen, prepare yourself. My last post on your other thread- where I said it didn't appear like you were sticking with things very long- ok, let me try to elaborate. When kids are young we look for punishments that are effective, meaning they "force" the kid to change so we get the behavior we are looking for. You say calling the cops (just as an example) in the past didn't get any results. OK, I realize that cops don't do anything until they've been called umpteen times unless a kid has gotten violent or done something really extreme but don't expect anything you do to change your daughter's behavior to make it what you want at this phase in her life. It is highly unlikely that anything you do or don't do will make her behave the way you want her to right now. Putting consequences in place then sticking to them isn't as much to try to get her to change at her age as they are to establish boundaries so you can keep sanity, not give her the impression that she can continue to take over the house, and to not enable her. It won't change her and since she's already figured out that if she acts like your consequences aren't getting to her, you'll change them, you can expect that she'll act like she's fine and sabatoge the things you care about- her going to school, whatever- IOW, she'll raise the stakes while holding out, expecting you to change the consequences. I would strongly sugggest that you don't, even if she quits school or gets arrested. I know it's harder said then done- my son is in Department of Juvenile Justice, younger than yours, and we are only having conversations like this, but I be darned if he's moving back home with me on the same terms of CSU (courts people) and him like we had before. My house. My terms. Period. difficult child wants to raise the stakes- sorry- doesn't work when the whole argument the kid has is that he/she's ready to be on their own and make their own decisions. The quickest way to help them wake up is not to cave when they are crying for money, clothes, food, or anything else. Can you stick to that?</p><p></p><p>You can't parent in a healthy manner if you are more dependent on your kids than they are on you- not meaning you depend on them but once your life has revolved around this kind of stuff for so long, it's very hard to jjust let it all go. But no matter what, it won't work for her to live with someone else and treat them the way she's been doing at your house, just like nobody would put up with some of the things my son did the way I did. Will the kid act better and the new "guardian" let them get by with more? Probably. But it won;'t last forever. Don't bail her out if you want her to learn a lesson.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 419816, member: 3699"] Jen, prepare yourself. My last post on your other thread- where I said it didn't appear like you were sticking with things very long- ok, let me try to elaborate. When kids are young we look for punishments that are effective, meaning they "force" the kid to change so we get the behavior we are looking for. You say calling the cops (just as an example) in the past didn't get any results. OK, I realize that cops don't do anything until they've been called umpteen times unless a kid has gotten violent or done something really extreme but don't expect anything you do to change your daughter's behavior to make it what you want at this phase in her life. It is highly unlikely that anything you do or don't do will make her behave the way you want her to right now. Putting consequences in place then sticking to them isn't as much to try to get her to change at her age as they are to establish boundaries so you can keep sanity, not give her the impression that she can continue to take over the house, and to not enable her. It won't change her and since she's already figured out that if she acts like your consequences aren't getting to her, you'll change them, you can expect that she'll act like she's fine and sabatoge the things you care about- her going to school, whatever- IOW, she'll raise the stakes while holding out, expecting you to change the consequences. I would strongly sugggest that you don't, even if she quits school or gets arrested. I know it's harder said then done- my son is in Department of Juvenile Justice, younger than yours, and we are only having conversations like this, but I be darned if he's moving back home with me on the same terms of CSU (courts people) and him like we had before. My house. My terms. Period. difficult child wants to raise the stakes- sorry- doesn't work when the whole argument the kid has is that he/she's ready to be on their own and make their own decisions. The quickest way to help them wake up is not to cave when they are crying for money, clothes, food, or anything else. Can you stick to that? You can't parent in a healthy manner if you are more dependent on your kids than they are on you- not meaning you depend on them but once your life has revolved around this kind of stuff for so long, it's very hard to jjust let it all go. But no matter what, it won't work for her to live with someone else and treat them the way she's been doing at your house, just like nobody would put up with some of the things my son did the way I did. Will the kid act better and the new "guardian" let them get by with more? Probably. But it won;'t last forever. Don't bail her out if you want her to learn a lesson. [/QUOTE]
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