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easy child's teacher made very inappropriate comments
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 98003" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Karen, please reassure easy child that the rule is (should be) if SHE feels uncomfortable, then she should act.</p><p></p><p>A clinic doctor I saw once for routine Pap smear etc was inappropriate and I was too young and naive to know how, when or what to do. I had to attend that clinic every six months and would after that time insist on a female doctor. About a year later the female doctor I got, turned out to be the head of the practice (and later, national spokesperson for women's health). She asked me pointedly why I asked for a woman doctor and I said that I had felt uncomfortable during a previous examination, but didn't want to complain because it might just have been me, misunderstanding.</p><p>She told me then something which I've never forgotten, and which I've told my daughters - "He was seeing you in a professional capacity, and it was HIS job to ensure you felt comfortable and safe at all times. IF EVER you feel uncomfortable, the doctor is not doing his job properly."</p><p></p><p>And that goes for other professionals too, when in a position to use their power to control someone else.</p><p></p><p>I talked about my maths teacher and how by today's standards he could be accused of being inappropriate. Even by standards back then, we could have complained - but there was something in his relationship with us that for us made his behaviour OK.</p><p></p><p>I don't think we would have taken it from any other teacher, but we never felt uncomfortable or 'put upon'. He was still doing his job and any remarks were inoffensive, in our eyes. WE FELT SAFE.</p><p></p><p>The rule is, HOW YOU FEEL.</p><p></p><p>So Karen, if easy child felt unsafe and uncomfortable then by definition, that teacher was doing the wrong thing.</p><p></p><p>Now, it is possible he may not have realised he was making her uncomfortable, but he is the adult in the situation, it is his responsibility to be careful, it is NOT her responsibility to tone down her sensitivity.</p><p></p><p>If he genuinely didn't realise or understand, and can successfully argue this, then he will get a rap over the knuckles only. If, as a result of easy child making this complaint, ANYONE victimises her, she can take legal action against the school (or could, in Australia). It is the school's responsibility to keep her safe.</p><p>If this teacher, on investigation, is shown to have a real problem which he doesn't seem interested in dealing with, then he should be shown the door. This is why other students also need to be questioned. Even if there were no witnesses to his comment to easy child, it's likely that he's done this before - he IS 60, he's not suddenly decided to put the hard word on his students. This is probably how he is, how he has been for years. So the chances of other students, on questioning, having their own story they were too scared to tell, is worth the effort involved.</p><p></p><p>If other students come forward and say, "He makes comments like that all the time, we ignore them or joke back" (like my old teacher) then he STILL needs to have it brought to his attention that not everybody will accept his behaviour, and he should tone it down. Behave or leave. And definitely apologise.</p><p></p><p>From what you describe, Karen, it sounds like he passed this remark to easy child while they were alone (or mostly alone). And if he WAS only making a light comment, he should have noticed it made her uncomfortable and apologised immediately. If he did make the remark in private, and did not see that she was upset, then he is behaving inappropriately.</p><p></p><p>Whichever way you look at it, she did the right thing in telling you and you did the right thing in taking action.</p><p></p><p>She should not have to change schools. Why should SHE be disadvantaged because someone else did the wrong thing? And especially not in her final year, it would be plain wrong.</p><p></p><p>Give her a hug from me, congratulate her on her honesty and courage. This may seem awful, but this is only the first in a lifetime of hassles like this (sorry). For each battle successfully fought, she will feel more strength.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 98003, member: 1991"] Karen, please reassure easy child that the rule is (should be) if SHE feels uncomfortable, then she should act. A clinic doctor I saw once for routine Pap smear etc was inappropriate and I was too young and naive to know how, when or what to do. I had to attend that clinic every six months and would after that time insist on a female doctor. About a year later the female doctor I got, turned out to be the head of the practice (and later, national spokesperson for women's health). She asked me pointedly why I asked for a woman doctor and I said that I had felt uncomfortable during a previous examination, but didn't want to complain because it might just have been me, misunderstanding. She told me then something which I've never forgotten, and which I've told my daughters - "He was seeing you in a professional capacity, and it was HIS job to ensure you felt comfortable and safe at all times. IF EVER you feel uncomfortable, the doctor is not doing his job properly." And that goes for other professionals too, when in a position to use their power to control someone else. I talked about my maths teacher and how by today's standards he could be accused of being inappropriate. Even by standards back then, we could have complained - but there was something in his relationship with us that for us made his behaviour OK. I don't think we would have taken it from any other teacher, but we never felt uncomfortable or 'put upon'. He was still doing his job and any remarks were inoffensive, in our eyes. WE FELT SAFE. The rule is, HOW YOU FEEL. So Karen, if easy child felt unsafe and uncomfortable then by definition, that teacher was doing the wrong thing. Now, it is possible he may not have realised he was making her uncomfortable, but he is the adult in the situation, it is his responsibility to be careful, it is NOT her responsibility to tone down her sensitivity. If he genuinely didn't realise or understand, and can successfully argue this, then he will get a rap over the knuckles only. If, as a result of easy child making this complaint, ANYONE victimises her, she can take legal action against the school (or could, in Australia). It is the school's responsibility to keep her safe. If this teacher, on investigation, is shown to have a real problem which he doesn't seem interested in dealing with, then he should be shown the door. This is why other students also need to be questioned. Even if there were no witnesses to his comment to easy child, it's likely that he's done this before - he IS 60, he's not suddenly decided to put the hard word on his students. This is probably how he is, how he has been for years. So the chances of other students, on questioning, having their own story they were too scared to tell, is worth the effort involved. If other students come forward and say, "He makes comments like that all the time, we ignore them or joke back" (like my old teacher) then he STILL needs to have it brought to his attention that not everybody will accept his behaviour, and he should tone it down. Behave or leave. And definitely apologise. From what you describe, Karen, it sounds like he passed this remark to easy child while they were alone (or mostly alone). And if he WAS only making a light comment, he should have noticed it made her uncomfortable and apologised immediately. If he did make the remark in private, and did not see that she was upset, then he is behaving inappropriately. Whichever way you look at it, she did the right thing in telling you and you did the right thing in taking action. She should not have to change schools. Why should SHE be disadvantaged because someone else did the wrong thing? And especially not in her final year, it would be plain wrong. Give her a hug from me, congratulate her on her honesty and courage. This may seem awful, but this is only the first in a lifetime of hassles like this (sorry). For each battle successfully fought, she will feel more strength. Marg [/QUOTE]
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easy child's teacher made very inappropriate comments
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