easy child's teacher made very inappropriate comments

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Nov 13, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My easy child daughter told me last night that her math teacher, who I believe is in his 60's made some very inappropriate comments to her and I just contacted the school about it.

    She said at one time her referred to her as "babe", and then another time she was leaning up against a cabinet and he said, what are you posing for a jean commercial? If you are, I would buy them.

    I contacted her resource teacher because she is very very close to her and is the only one she felt comfortable with. I'm waiting to hear back from her.
     
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Oh yuck.
     
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, this is soo not okay. So sorry she has to go through this.

    susie
     
  4. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    I hope the teacher just has a strange sense of humor and wasn't hitting on her. :nonono:

    steph
     
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I would have her transferred out of his class. Often we call young kids hon or sweetie and sometimes babe - but the comment on the I would buy the jeans? He'd look awfully odd in womens jeans don't you think?

    Eeshc
     
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    :hammer:

    good grief. :nonono:

    Suz
     
  7. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Yuck! Thank God she told you, I bet that made her very uncomfortable. Good for you for acting on it right away!!
     
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
     
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    That was bad, bad ,bad. Hope the school takes care of things for you.

    Beth
     
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Eeeew. That's totally unacceptable, and must make your easy child so very uncomfortable. It's hard enough being a teenage girl without weaselly teachers leering at you.

    Good move contacting the school, and hope they resolve matters swiftly.

    Trinity
     
  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    OH! This happened to me in HS. Of course, that was back in the 80's and although I knew it made me uncomfortable, I didn't tell anyone. I still remember to this day how "dirty" he made me feel----Yuck!
     
  12. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I never heard back from her resource teacher today, which tells me she was probably out. She's always really good at getting back to me, so I'm sure I'll hear from her tomorrow.
     
  13. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OMG, I'm so glad she told you! Poor kid! Like she doesn't already have enough to contend with! You could possibly have given him the benefit of the doubt if it was just the "babe" comment because a lot of people do this out of habit. But there's no mistaking the "jeans" remark! Totally out of line! What was he thinking???

    If he said something like this to her, he's probably said similar things to other girls too! Usually it's not an isolated incident. I'll bet that when it "hits the fan", other girls will come forward too! I hope your school system isn't like some of the ones here. Instead of getting rid of teachers who behave inappropriately, they sometimes just let them transfer to another school, then another, and another ...
     
  14. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I had a teacher hit on me in college. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I didn't say anything and regret it to this day. I'm so proud of your daughter. It takes a lot of courage to speak up, even to a parent. Good job on reporting him. If the school doesn't follow through, please go to the police. This man is a predator in the worst degree. He holds a position of trust and authority over very young, vulnerable girls. He has no right to make such comments and the odds are that more has happened in the past than just these comments and will do so in the future.
     
  15. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Karen

    I'm so glad she told you. Most kids never think to tell their parents.

    I was thinking it might've been a misunderstanding, but the part about the jeans sent the message loud and clear.

    :grrr: :nonono:

    Good for you for acting on it right away. At the very least demand she be removed from his classroom. But I think I'd be making them do a full investigation. I wonder how many other girls he's done this with, or worse.

    Hugs
     
  16. That really is innappropriate, it's good that you reported it, but nonetheless, I would remove my child from that teacher's classroom...hope the school provides you with the support you and easy child deserve.
     
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would probably keep my child home until I had some action from the school. I would NOT let her go back, esp if the teacher she is most comfortable with is out.

    Let her have a "mental health" day or week or whatever until this is cleared up.

    Please call the Principal. And hte Superintendent of Schools.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  18. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm really glad she told you. I would be sure to touch base with the principal.
     
  19. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    That is so very inappropriate! :grrr: What is it about older guys saying vulgar things to young girls these days? Sexual harassment has been all over the news, I'm sure it's discussed when an employee is being hired and there are usually posters about sexual harassment in break rooms etc.

    Both of my easy child's have encountered this. :grrr: My youngest daughter not only had an older man (in his 30's and married with 5 children) at her work making vulgar comments, but also "accidentally" touched her too. My easy child was 16 when this happened and didn't tell me for a while. I went straight to the owner of the company mad as all get out. He was fired.

    My middle easy child works for a well known grocery store in our state. She too was sexually harassed. This was an elderly man also married. His "trick" was to corner my daughter and "accidently" touch her or put her in compromising positions. :grrr: I went to the top store manager, who happened to be a female with my daughter to tell her what had been happening. I do believe I was even more furious about the situation after I left that meeting! This female top store manager with young daughters of her own, had to thoroughly investigate the situation. This was even after my daughter gave her the names of at least 7 other young girls that confirmed he had done this to them also. He was also fired.

    In each case with my daughters, I know that we could have gone to the police and filed charges. We didn't, mostly for the sake of their wives. I still don't know if that was the correct way to handle it or not, but it is what it is.

    I remember as a young woman having to fight off perverts. I was so shy and embarrassed! I finally got fed up and went to the director of engineering and told him what had been going on. At least he was a decent man and made sure that this especially bad guy I complained about was never allowed in my cubicle again. That guy was sooooo angry and made it out to look like I had done something wrong! I kind of chuckle to myself about that now, because it was in the late 70's, early 80's when women's rights were really coming to the forefront. As a young naive woman, I had no idea the power behind my words!

    Empower your daughter! That teacher doesn't deserve to work around vulnerable young people. Even if he has only made this "mistake" (yea, right) one time, it is one time too many. There is absolutely no reason in the world that man doesn't know that those kinds of words were inappropriate! Can you tell that I am just a little passionate about this topic?
     
  20. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    There are many ways to empower your daughter. I used to work with men who were inappropriate all the time. Women who got on their high horse and got offended rarely lasted in our department. They usually ended up leaving, getting transferred to somewhere they would be happier. Me, I was stuck with it. What's more, I had to wrk alongside the men.

    I did find that while I got annoyed and stood my ground objecting to being harassed, it was met with hostility and the working environment was unpleasant. All it did was reinforce in the minds of these men that "women can't take a joke." They learnt nothing, and it didn't stop anyway.

    So I changed direction - I joked back, but not in a flirting way, I made fun of them in front of their male co-workers (who always really rubbed it in to their mate whenever anyone succeeded with a put-down), but with a smile on my face. That way they couldn't take it as a come-on, but neither could they get offended because if they did, I simply said, "Wassamatter, can't you take a joke?" The same line they used to use on me.

    They put up pictures of naked women, so I put up pictures of naked men (only mine were figleafed, or air-brushed - they really did not look very masculine).

    I would walk into the workshop to get a tool to engrave some new equipment (the tool was called "Vibrotool", a source of much ribald humour) and when a bloke loudly said, "I've got an even better vibro-tool for you," I simply said, "Oh yes - that reminds me, I have to buy some toothpicks on the way home."

    The blokes soon treated me with respect and stopped the sexual innuendo, because they learnt fast that it would bounce back harder on them than on me.

    Back to school - I had a maths teacher who would say things like this. Mind you, back in those days (and in my workplace) there was a lot less protection and a lot of this sort of behaviour was seen as acceptable by those delivering it.

    My maths teacher - he was a very good teacher and we liked him. I never got the vibe from him that he was seriously flirting and if I had, I would have gone straight to the head teacher of maths or even the principal if I had to. But maybe that's where I learned to sass back. If he had said to me a line such as "If you were advertising jeans, I'd buy a pair," I would have responded with something like, "I doubt you could look this good in them, but if you would like the class to have a good laugh you're welcome to try."
    Our senior class were studying matrices (a rather complex mathematical operator) and my friend had finally 'got it' and looked up dreamily saying, "I LIKE mattresses!" [mispronouncing matrices].
    The maths teacher replied in a lecherous tone, "So do I!"
    But at no stage did any of us feel it was intended as sexual harassment.
    We took advantage of that on our graduation day and in front of the school, presented him with - a mattress. On one side, the side we showed him, we had drawn a matrix. On the other side, which the school assembly saw, we had drawn a girl in bikini.
    Nothing he ever said or did was in secret, it was all talked about, discussed, laughed about (or with) and finally, displayed to the school (because we had to explain the joke to the whole school).

    I remember my teacher telling me I had lovely hands. Again, I don't think he was seriously flirting. We were all fairly close to him, it was our final year and he was chatty with us, swapping jokes (mostly clean) and not doing anything inappropriate. But yes, we did get the sort of remarks you describe your daughter getting. I actually went back to the school after I'd graduated, just to enjoy a chat with my old teacher. I suppose he was a bit of a flirt, but not in any serious way. Nobody would have taken him seriously and nobody ever complained. Maybe it was the era, but I didn't hear any of my female classmates getting offended. And the teacher in this incident - maybe he needs a strong refresher course in what is appropriate THESE DAYS.

    I think it would be important to consider - how does SHE feel about what he said? It's not just what is said, it's how it's said, what context and who else (if anyone) is present. And most important of all, HOW DID IT MAKE HER FEEL?

    Harassment can only hurt you if you let it, if you take it on board and find it personally offensive or distressing. It's not wrong to be offended or distressed, but if you are, you should feel free to say so. If someone in a position of power (such as a boss, or a teacher) hints in any way (or you fear) that they can use your non-compliance against you, this is VERY wrong and a clear message that they mean business. In no way should that ever be taken lightly, or treated as harmless. It is not.

    Even harmless flirting, which is how we perceived our own maths teacher, is wrong if it upsets anyone. When my teacher replied to my friend's comment on matrices, she blushed scarlet, but laughed. She was the most likely to take it the wrong way, and if she had he would have apologised publicly to her. If she had wanted to complain, he would have been silenced. If her parents felt that was not enough, he could have been sacked. We had a teacher at the same school who began a relationship with a girl a few grades below us. The relationship didn't publicly begin until she had left the school, but he was still sacked.

    I think if my maths teacher had ever seemed to be serious in the slightest, we would have acted swiftly. Knowing how to respond, either to joke in turn or to object on the spot, or to take the complaint further - these are lessons we need to give our children. They are not always well equipped to know which is the appropriate response.

    And always, if she feels unhappy or compromised, making a complaint is still one of the correct response options. She needs to feel empowered to keep herself safe.

    In my job I learned to take care of myself. It's carried over into other areas of my life so that few blokes harass me - not the second time, anyway. I think the last time was in a public meeting in the village, where a proposed engineering project was being discussed. Clearly in the minds of some of the men there, a female like me should have no idea or interest in how engineering works and I was being publicly patronised both in tone of voice
    and by being called "love", "darling", etc. So when I replied, I made sure to just as publicly (and politely) call the bloke "pet" and "Sweetiepie". It stopped the patronising, cold, and since then I've been taken seriously in the village.

    Marg
     
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