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email I sent to my difficult child...
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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 485083" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>The only problem with this is that if difficult child learns or sees that little sis got a note, it will immediately negate any positive feelings she had when she got a note. If any body else gets a note, it is no longer special for difficult child. She wants something that is over and above what any body else gets. It is so hard to explain how difficult this makes our lives. </p><p></p><p>In 4th grade she made a ceramic sunflower in art class that year. Two years later, little sis makes a similar sunflower. The teacher uses the same instructions, glazes, etc. When I put the 2nd sunflower on the kitchen shelf, difficult child whines "why does she get to make the same thing I did?" She is so insecure. She wants/needs all the attention. It is not enough to do something first, she wants to be the only one to do it. Ever.</p><p></p><p>This week I have been freecycling unwanted household things. That upset her too. It wasn't even her stuff. It was a rusty old patio table and chairs, a cat play house the cats won't use. I had got it from freecycle 6 months ago. A box of old tubes of gift wrap paper I won't be using and misc bows that don't match any paper I kept. When we give things away, or even give an offering to the church, she is upset that it isn't spent on her. We should sell things, we shouldn't donate to church, etc. She is not lacking in clothes, shoes, coats, etc. It is just so hard to even discribe how selfish and self centered she is. I know most teens are. But the other day, she saw on facebook where her cousin wrote "Yay! I got an Ipod!" She immediately tells me that her other grandparents bought cousin an Ipod but won't buy her one. I know for a fact that cousin bought it with money she made making and selling jewelry at craft fairs. But you can't convince difficult child of that. The only thing that matters is that SHE doesn't have one. </p><p></p><p>OK, I keep venting and having a hard time with this exercise. I can agree to try to do some special things for her - but I can't promise not to do it for anyone else, or ask them to keep it a secret for her. Geesh. I can't win. KSM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 485083, member: 12511"] The only problem with this is that if difficult child learns or sees that little sis got a note, it will immediately negate any positive feelings she had when she got a note. If any body else gets a note, it is no longer special for difficult child. She wants something that is over and above what any body else gets. It is so hard to explain how difficult this makes our lives. In 4th grade she made a ceramic sunflower in art class that year. Two years later, little sis makes a similar sunflower. The teacher uses the same instructions, glazes, etc. When I put the 2nd sunflower on the kitchen shelf, difficult child whines "why does she get to make the same thing I did?" She is so insecure. She wants/needs all the attention. It is not enough to do something first, she wants to be the only one to do it. Ever. This week I have been freecycling unwanted household things. That upset her too. It wasn't even her stuff. It was a rusty old patio table and chairs, a cat play house the cats won't use. I had got it from freecycle 6 months ago. A box of old tubes of gift wrap paper I won't be using and misc bows that don't match any paper I kept. When we give things away, or even give an offering to the church, she is upset that it isn't spent on her. We should sell things, we shouldn't donate to church, etc. She is not lacking in clothes, shoes, coats, etc. It is just so hard to even discribe how selfish and self centered she is. I know most teens are. But the other day, she saw on facebook where her cousin wrote "Yay! I got an Ipod!" She immediately tells me that her other grandparents bought cousin an Ipod but won't buy her one. I know for a fact that cousin bought it with money she made making and selling jewelry at craft fairs. But you can't convince difficult child of that. The only thing that matters is that SHE doesn't have one. OK, I keep venting and having a hard time with this exercise. I can agree to try to do some special things for her - but I can't promise not to do it for anyone else, or ask them to keep it a secret for her. Geesh. I can't win. KSM [/QUOTE]
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