Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Entitlement and superiority in typical siblings of troubled kids
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 645568" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>"getting over the fact, that we actually brought "that thing" to live with us and it wasn't possible to take him back to hospital."</p><p></p><p>I just had to laugh at this. My older 2 kids have each asked this a time or twelve. I think one of Wiz' biggest problems with Jess when he was a kid, esp until maybe age 8, was that she was not a dinosaur. No matter what we said, he was TOTALLY convinced that his little sib would be a T Rex. Convinced in that Aspie/autistic way that discounts reality and that NOTHING can counter. Well, nothing but getting a girl <em>human</em> instead of a girl T Rex could counter. </p><p></p><p>I am kinda glad mine are not the only ones who wanted to send younger sibs back to the hospital. It is better than J's solution to newborn thank you's crying. She wanted to put him back where he came from! NOT meaning the hospital!!</p><p></p><p>As for easy child's audacity, some of this may come from the girlfriend. There are a LOT of people who think that if you spend X on kid 1 and X + $2.50 on kid 2, then you should give kid 1 the $2.50. I have had to fight my own father on this. He is giving us a car today because he knows ours just died. We were loan shopping and he told me to stop, that gfgbro's grad school and custody atty fees were WAY more than husband's grad school, even when you add in the cost of us having 2 adults and 3 kids and bro just having him and Niece. I didn't need to know it, didn't want to know it, don't care what they spend on bro, and don't have any interest in 'equal' as far as how they spend their $$. I have not turned the car down because it IS a big help and it will make my dad happy. He gets very uncomfortable if he spends more on one kid than the other, and it really can make him grumpy and hard to be around. Personally, I hate asking for help, but have learned that accepting graciously is a ton easier than the year or three of nagging and outrageous gifts that happen if I refuse. </p><p></p><p>I call that demand to have everything 'equal' between siblings "bean counting". Mostly because the first year Jess was old enough to get Easter candy was a nightmare. Wiz had a MAJOR fit because she got 3 more jelly beans than he did even though he got 6 more reese's eggs than she did. It 'wasn't fair" that she got 3 more jelly beans - and he HATED jelly beans! We only had them because Gpa was in town and insisted (a Gpa thing in my family - Gpa LOVES them and has them year round). A 3 hour rage was NOT on my schedule, and we had a loooooong talk about how Mom was NOT raising bean counters and my kids get what they need and if that is't equal then so what? </p><p></p><p>One thing that has really helped my kids cope with the concept of equal being as real as normal is the offer to make things equal. When Wiz first demanded equal, J was in diapers. If he wanted equal, he got what she got which meant he would have to give up the big boy pants and go back to diapers. Cause if equal is the rule, then equal is what you will have - in EVERYTHING. And Jess would get the same bedtime that he had. </p><p></p><p>In your case, if easy child pushes equal, then you can pay for a therapist for him, because giving him a car when difficult child didn't get one would NOT be equal. Giving him therapy would be 'equal'. </p><p></p><p>I don't think any of us would really want 'equal' with another person. Not in the strictest terms. Your easy child was out of line, and the entitlement seems out of character. He is still growing up, and I think a lot of kids go through this. Having a girlfriend who thinks she is better than others won't help and gfs are a huge influence on our kids. On people of all ages really. Hopefully in time he will see her superior attitude and entitlement for the signs of loserdom and small mindedness that they are and he will find someone more down to earth to share his life with. That superior attitude eventually means the person thinks they are superior to their partner, which is tiresome and hard to live with. It can just take a while to be fully seen.</p><p></p><p>In time y'all will work though this. It is wise to let husband and easy child work this through unless it goes on a super long time or seems like it will really fracture the family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 645568, member: 1233"] "getting over the fact, that we actually brought "that thing" to live with us and it wasn't possible to take him back to hospital." I just had to laugh at this. My older 2 kids have each asked this a time or twelve. I think one of Wiz' biggest problems with Jess when he was a kid, esp until maybe age 8, was that she was not a dinosaur. No matter what we said, he was TOTALLY convinced that his little sib would be a T Rex. Convinced in that Aspie/autistic way that discounts reality and that NOTHING can counter. Well, nothing but getting a girl [I]human[/I] instead of a girl T Rex could counter. I am kinda glad mine are not the only ones who wanted to send younger sibs back to the hospital. It is better than J's solution to newborn thank you's crying. She wanted to put him back where he came from! NOT meaning the hospital!! As for easy child's audacity, some of this may come from the girlfriend. There are a LOT of people who think that if you spend X on kid 1 and X + $2.50 on kid 2, then you should give kid 1 the $2.50. I have had to fight my own father on this. He is giving us a car today because he knows ours just died. We were loan shopping and he told me to stop, that gfgbro's grad school and custody atty fees were WAY more than husband's grad school, even when you add in the cost of us having 2 adults and 3 kids and bro just having him and Niece. I didn't need to know it, didn't want to know it, don't care what they spend on bro, and don't have any interest in 'equal' as far as how they spend their $$. I have not turned the car down because it IS a big help and it will make my dad happy. He gets very uncomfortable if he spends more on one kid than the other, and it really can make him grumpy and hard to be around. Personally, I hate asking for help, but have learned that accepting graciously is a ton easier than the year or three of nagging and outrageous gifts that happen if I refuse. I call that demand to have everything 'equal' between siblings "bean counting". Mostly because the first year Jess was old enough to get Easter candy was a nightmare. Wiz had a MAJOR fit because she got 3 more jelly beans than he did even though he got 6 more reese's eggs than she did. It 'wasn't fair" that she got 3 more jelly beans - and he HATED jelly beans! We only had them because Gpa was in town and insisted (a Gpa thing in my family - Gpa LOVES them and has them year round). A 3 hour rage was NOT on my schedule, and we had a loooooong talk about how Mom was NOT raising bean counters and my kids get what they need and if that is't equal then so what? One thing that has really helped my kids cope with the concept of equal being as real as normal is the offer to make things equal. When Wiz first demanded equal, J was in diapers. If he wanted equal, he got what she got which meant he would have to give up the big boy pants and go back to diapers. Cause if equal is the rule, then equal is what you will have - in EVERYTHING. And Jess would get the same bedtime that he had. In your case, if easy child pushes equal, then you can pay for a therapist for him, because giving him a car when difficult child didn't get one would NOT be equal. Giving him therapy would be 'equal'. I don't think any of us would really want 'equal' with another person. Not in the strictest terms. Your easy child was out of line, and the entitlement seems out of character. He is still growing up, and I think a lot of kids go through this. Having a girlfriend who thinks she is better than others won't help and gfs are a huge influence on our kids. On people of all ages really. Hopefully in time he will see her superior attitude and entitlement for the signs of loserdom and small mindedness that they are and he will find someone more down to earth to share his life with. That superior attitude eventually means the person thinks they are superior to their partner, which is tiresome and hard to live with. It can just take a while to be fully seen. In time y'all will work though this. It is wise to let husband and easy child work this through unless it goes on a super long time or seems like it will really fracture the family. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Entitlement and superiority in typical siblings of troubled kids
Top