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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 31307" data-attributes="member: 3"><p><span style='font-size: 11pt'>tracy, I know this is hard and it is painful. Many of us took this path to have our difficult child's placed out of home in an effort to save them and to save our families. </p><p>I sent difficult child from 13 to 15 to Calif which is half a country away. We didn't see him until he earned visits. It was a full 14 months before he came to see us. It was grueling but it gave me time to recharge. I was so numb by the time he left that I didn't even miss him for 8 months. Once I was again ready to pick up the tools of warrior mom, I had regained my perspective and my life. </p><p></p><p> Think of this placement,not as punishment but an attempt to help him get himself on track to a life with hope. </p><p>I know it feels strange. I didn't know anyone who even had their kid in a boarding school. It is a leap of faith. You hope this will turn them around. I met with a lot of disapproval but I resolved that I would do what is best for difficult child. I don't answer to anyone but myself,my God and my husband. Everyone else can just get in line. I don't answer to them. </p><p></p><p>Our goal as parents is to raise independent law abiding, tax paying, moral adults who have as much of a life of their own as they want. Anything we achieve with our kids after that is gravy. It's not our goal to be their friends or have them need us. I'm willing to have my son hate me if it means he will be a law abiding, independent,moral adult. </p><p>They have to learn that they can achieve positive rewards with positive behavior. </p><p></p><p>Success with difficult child's is measured in inches and baby steps. Just breathe deep and take it one step, one day at a time. </p><p></p><p>PS<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" />ad's seem to handle these trauma's differently than mom's. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel the same pain and the same despair that you feel. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 31307, member: 3"] <span style='font-size: 11pt'>tracy, I know this is hard and it is painful. Many of us took this path to have our difficult child's placed out of home in an effort to save them and to save our families. I sent difficult child from 13 to 15 to Calif which is half a country away. We didn't see him until he earned visits. It was a full 14 months before he came to see us. It was grueling but it gave me time to recharge. I was so numb by the time he left that I didn't even miss him for 8 months. Once I was again ready to pick up the tools of warrior mom, I had regained my perspective and my life. Think of this placement,not as punishment but an attempt to help him get himself on track to a life with hope. I know it feels strange. I didn't know anyone who even had their kid in a boarding school. It is a leap of faith. You hope this will turn them around. I met with a lot of disapproval but I resolved that I would do what is best for difficult child. I don't answer to anyone but myself,my God and my husband. Everyone else can just get in line. I don't answer to them. Our goal as parents is to raise independent law abiding, tax paying, moral adults who have as much of a life of their own as they want. Anything we achieve with our kids after that is gravy. It's not our goal to be their friends or have them need us. I'm willing to have my son hate me if it means he will be a law abiding, independent,moral adult. They have to learn that they can achieve positive rewards with positive behavior. Success with difficult child's is measured in inches and baby steps. Just breathe deep and take it one step, one day at a time. PS:Dad's seem to handle these trauma's differently than mom's. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel the same pain and the same despair that you feel. </span> [/QUOTE]
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