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Ever wake up from a dream??? Not yourself?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 548029" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Jnet, </p><p></p><p>as morbid as it sounds....(but I really feel I know why this one went through my brain) I also dreamed about Dudes funeral. I didn't know about how he died, or anything other.....I just walked into the funeral home, in FL and there were people milling around, and DF was with me on high alert. It was one of those old house funeral places - like they took a mid-century house and converted it - and I remember walking in....seeing the ex inlaws, and they really were not unfriendly but then I wasn't too friendly either. My son was gone, no one could tell me anything, and for the first time in nearly 16 years I had to face my x. Down the left hall of the viewing room was a long hallway - and the bathrooms at the end on the left. I walked down them, looked up, saw my x and without hesitation, pulled a blade or knife out of my boot, cut him, he fell and I basically kept going. </p><p></p><p>Okay first thought was WHY was my son gone? No one would tell me anything, he was living with Daddy DIsney and I could only imagine what had occured that they once again had gotten away with murder. Secondly why was I wearing boots to a viewing? WHERE did I ever get so proficient with a knife - It was like bend, get, come up - one slice and he was virtually dead....falling over gasping for air, gurgling. (sounds very heinous) but this really freaked me out......the fact that I could do something like that.....and mostly the fact that I had zero remorse. That bothered me so much SO SO much - for myself - not for the what I did to him - that I called my psychiatrist and went in for a session. I thought OMG here I am thinking that I'm over this idgit and the first chance I get near him? I do what I did - in a dream. </p><p></p><p>Well as it turns out - a lot of the things that (and don't you laugh) we have frustrations about, memories about, need to work out - we do in our dreams. Everything in our brains that we hear, see, smell, touch, taste? Is stored like microchips in our brains. Sometimes those "memories" get crossed - or we hear things on TV, see things in movies and for whatever reason - we recall them - sometimes to protect us, sometimes to make us happy, sometimes to work out frustrations that we can't handle in the real world, sometimes to work out problems. Most times in my dreams? I work out solutions to my problems. It's uncanny but I go to sleep thinking about something I could fix, don't know how - and in a dream I get to do them without harming myself....And in this case - my brain has had SO much of X hurting me, hurting Dude - that in a "SAFE" place (my dreams) I acted out something primal that I would NOT act out in the real world. Because after I had this dream? The anxiety that rode SO high in my mind about x killing our son - to get back at me? Diminished to a point where I could function during the day. See - part of the "things I couldn't talk about" when Dude was in Florida - was that the x was dealing, and selling drugs and this is nothing new for him. But he was beating my son, and teaching him to dumpster dive for food - went after him with a ball bat, took an 18" bowie knife and a sledge hammer to Dudes car tires, and his car - took any and everythign he owned and sold it for crack....and in the end my son took what he could shove in a back pack and his dog - and went and lived in the park. Then when he went to jail? My son moved back into the house, moved out all the drug people, rented the rooms, cleaned up the house, painted and did such a nice job on his own - keepign the property up and helping the disabled neighbor....that when x got out of jail? He literally threw all the PAYING room mates junk on the carport and told druggies they could live in the house - and the only reason my sons junk wasn't gone - was because he found and installed two steel door with deadbolts and put on his room. If I showed you the pictures of what my X did to the house? You'd puke. Dude had no where to go until x was arrested and sent to prison for drugs - and it still amazed me that he had 13 counts with 20 years each and only did 18 months in prison. When Dude nearly died in the hospital? We flew him to Chick town to be with his fiance.....and well that didn't go so well due to his supposed baby makiing abilites and the fact that her dad is an alcoholic and non-functional BiPolar (BP) himself/control freak. Soooooo.......in that dream - I solved a problem. No, not how I would have ever done it in real life - but to the point where my brain could rest at night - because I looked so ragged - and felt so horrible. The day ex went to prison and dude was left alone? The house was so demolished - it was condemed, but the bank let him stay there until I went and got him and took him to the airport. The rats were so big I thought they were cats. So yeah - some times you work out frustrations - and maybe there is a deep seated ? I have with DF - but for the life of me it just -----unless it was him going to see his daughter.....she's horrible. And she has a child. I worried about that because she is a source of his depression to the tenth degree. I dunno....(shrug) Dude did tell me x has prostrate cancer...so maybe things will take care of themselves. Don't wish it on anyone - but the man is a miserable existance of a being.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 548029, member: 4964"] Jnet, as morbid as it sounds....(but I really feel I know why this one went through my brain) I also dreamed about Dudes funeral. I didn't know about how he died, or anything other.....I just walked into the funeral home, in FL and there were people milling around, and DF was with me on high alert. It was one of those old house funeral places - like they took a mid-century house and converted it - and I remember walking in....seeing the ex inlaws, and they really were not unfriendly but then I wasn't too friendly either. My son was gone, no one could tell me anything, and for the first time in nearly 16 years I had to face my x. Down the left hall of the viewing room was a long hallway - and the bathrooms at the end on the left. I walked down them, looked up, saw my x and without hesitation, pulled a blade or knife out of my boot, cut him, he fell and I basically kept going. Okay first thought was WHY was my son gone? No one would tell me anything, he was living with Daddy DIsney and I could only imagine what had occured that they once again had gotten away with murder. Secondly why was I wearing boots to a viewing? WHERE did I ever get so proficient with a knife - It was like bend, get, come up - one slice and he was virtually dead....falling over gasping for air, gurgling. (sounds very heinous) but this really freaked me out......the fact that I could do something like that.....and mostly the fact that I had zero remorse. That bothered me so much SO SO much - for myself - not for the what I did to him - that I called my psychiatrist and went in for a session. I thought OMG here I am thinking that I'm over this idgit and the first chance I get near him? I do what I did - in a dream. Well as it turns out - a lot of the things that (and don't you laugh) we have frustrations about, memories about, need to work out - we do in our dreams. Everything in our brains that we hear, see, smell, touch, taste? Is stored like microchips in our brains. Sometimes those "memories" get crossed - or we hear things on TV, see things in movies and for whatever reason - we recall them - sometimes to protect us, sometimes to make us happy, sometimes to work out frustrations that we can't handle in the real world, sometimes to work out problems. Most times in my dreams? I work out solutions to my problems. It's uncanny but I go to sleep thinking about something I could fix, don't know how - and in a dream I get to do them without harming myself....And in this case - my brain has had SO much of X hurting me, hurting Dude - that in a "SAFE" place (my dreams) I acted out something primal that I would NOT act out in the real world. Because after I had this dream? The anxiety that rode SO high in my mind about x killing our son - to get back at me? Diminished to a point where I could function during the day. See - part of the "things I couldn't talk about" when Dude was in Florida - was that the x was dealing, and selling drugs and this is nothing new for him. But he was beating my son, and teaching him to dumpster dive for food - went after him with a ball bat, took an 18" bowie knife and a sledge hammer to Dudes car tires, and his car - took any and everythign he owned and sold it for crack....and in the end my son took what he could shove in a back pack and his dog - and went and lived in the park. Then when he went to jail? My son moved back into the house, moved out all the drug people, rented the rooms, cleaned up the house, painted and did such a nice job on his own - keepign the property up and helping the disabled neighbor....that when x got out of jail? He literally threw all the PAYING room mates junk on the carport and told druggies they could live in the house - and the only reason my sons junk wasn't gone - was because he found and installed two steel door with deadbolts and put on his room. If I showed you the pictures of what my X did to the house? You'd puke. Dude had no where to go until x was arrested and sent to prison for drugs - and it still amazed me that he had 13 counts with 20 years each and only did 18 months in prison. When Dude nearly died in the hospital? We flew him to Chick town to be with his fiance.....and well that didn't go so well due to his supposed baby makiing abilites and the fact that her dad is an alcoholic and non-functional BiPolar (BP) himself/control freak. Soooooo.......in that dream - I solved a problem. No, not how I would have ever done it in real life - but to the point where my brain could rest at night - because I looked so ragged - and felt so horrible. The day ex went to prison and dude was left alone? The house was so demolished - it was condemed, but the bank let him stay there until I went and got him and took him to the airport. The rats were so big I thought they were cats. So yeah - some times you work out frustrations - and maybe there is a deep seated ? I have with DF - but for the life of me it just -----unless it was him going to see his daughter.....she's horrible. And she has a child. I worried about that because she is a source of his depression to the tenth degree. I dunno....(shrug) Dude did tell me x has prostrate cancer...so maybe things will take care of themselves. Don't wish it on anyone - but the man is a miserable existance of a being. [/QUOTE]
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