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"Everyone thinks she's promiscuous, but..."
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 250173" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The thing to try to hang onto (if you're the victim of this) is that once you leave school you need never see these girls again or experience this again, because the people in life who really matter, don't care about the rumours. I'm not saying that adults don't spread rumours - I've been a victim of that too, from adults old enough to be my parents - but the people spreading the rumours, and the people beleiving them, were not people I value.</p><p></p><p>I had to learn to vaue TRUE friends.</p><p></p><p>I watched easy child go through the same lesson. Living in a small town, thissort of thing happens. easy child had good friends who were easily led, or too cowardly to stand up for truth. So when one of these friends didn't stick up for her enough, although the friend didn't exactly spread any rumours she also did nothing to stop it, easy child made her squirm. I listened in on the phone call - there had been a catfight session on the afternoon school boat and easy child came home hurt and upset because her good friend had simply sat there and not defended her to the cats. A few minutes later the phone rang - it was friend, ringing to apologise for being a wimp. easy child was polite to her but didn't let her off lightly. I was quietly cheering my girl for having the courage to risk a friendship to try to get a point across. You have to have a lot of inner confidence to be able to do that.</p><p></p><p>And maybe that ias the secret - if we can work on our kids' self-esteem, help them value themselves intrinsically and not feel they need the approval of other people (especially the mean girls), then they will not waste time and energy trying to win the approval of other people, especially other people whose values are questionable.</p><p></p><p>MWM, please share this with N, tell her I'm proud of her for showing integrity.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 250173, member: 1991"] The thing to try to hang onto (if you're the victim of this) is that once you leave school you need never see these girls again or experience this again, because the people in life who really matter, don't care about the rumours. I'm not saying that adults don't spread rumours - I've been a victim of that too, from adults old enough to be my parents - but the people spreading the rumours, and the people beleiving them, were not people I value. I had to learn to vaue TRUE friends. I watched easy child go through the same lesson. Living in a small town, thissort of thing happens. easy child had good friends who were easily led, or too cowardly to stand up for truth. So when one of these friends didn't stick up for her enough, although the friend didn't exactly spread any rumours she also did nothing to stop it, easy child made her squirm. I listened in on the phone call - there had been a catfight session on the afternoon school boat and easy child came home hurt and upset because her good friend had simply sat there and not defended her to the cats. A few minutes later the phone rang - it was friend, ringing to apologise for being a wimp. easy child was polite to her but didn't let her off lightly. I was quietly cheering my girl for having the courage to risk a friendship to try to get a point across. You have to have a lot of inner confidence to be able to do that. And maybe that ias the secret - if we can work on our kids' self-esteem, help them value themselves intrinsically and not feel they need the approval of other people (especially the mean girls), then they will not waste time and energy trying to win the approval of other people, especially other people whose values are questionable. MWM, please share this with N, tell her I'm proud of her for showing integrity. Marg [/QUOTE]
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