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Explicit sexual descriptions in a notebook ...
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 595594" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>So, we went to therapy.</p><p>Yesterday, I apparently agreed that difficult child's girlfriend could ride along to NILD, and then to therapy. I hate it when she does that, because I feel like we can never be alone, in addition to which, she's just sitting there in the waiting room all the time. She does her homework, and plays with-her phone or ipad or whatever, but it's like they're attached at the hip.</p><p></p><p>We hadn't discussed the notebook or therapist appointment at that point, so I didn't pursue the transportation issue further.</p><p></p><p> I called the therapist today to give him a heads-up, and mentioned that D would be in the waiting room, and that difficult child might even want her to come in to discuss the notebook issue.</p><p>The therapist said no, it wouldn't work, plus it would be a conflict of interest.</p><p>Fine by me.</p><p>New plan: I would take difficult child to NILD, and then to the therapist, meet husband there, and afterward we could picture up the girlfriend and take her to our house for tacos. </p><p>If she wasn't too embarrassed to see us again. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>I called the girlfriend's mom, T, and spoke with-her briefly, and she was alarmed and angry with-her daughter, and I asked if she could text her daughter and come up with-a reason for her to take the bus instead of going to the therapist with-us. I also asked if she could hold off telling her daughter anything until we finished at the therapist, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to hold her tongue. She said fine.</p><p></p><p>On the way to pick up difficult child, he sent me a long text, complaining that there was no good reason for D to take the bus, and I had promised they could go together, plus, it was their 8 mo anniversary (they have to celebrate their anniv every mo). I ignored the text.</p><p>I got to school, and difficult child and his girlfriend were there, together.</p><p>T called and I told her that her daughter was in the car. "I'll pick her up at the dr's ofc," T said, exasperated. (These kids do NOT want to listen to us.)</p><p></p><p>difficult child yelled, "What did you tell her that for?"</p><p>"What was I supposed to do, lie and tell her that D was lying on the ground behind some bushes or something? It's her daughter and she deserves to know that she's in my car."</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p><p>difficult child refused to go to class, yelling his head off at me that I had changed plans (never mind that he ignored the change).<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/clubbing.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":clubbing:" title="clubbing :clubbing:" data-shortname=":clubbing:" /></p><p>I couldn't tell if his girlfriend was trying to get him to shut up because she was embarrassed, or if she agreed with-him.</p><p></p><p>He finally cooled off and went to class. Then we drove to the dr ofc, and D sat in the car and waited for her mom to pick her up.</p><p></p><p>The therapist didn't beat around the bush. The notebook was open on his desk.</p><p>"You are aware of what this is?"</p><p>"Yeah," difficult child said, glancing at the notebook. He thought it was a regular school notebook.</p><p>The dr slid it closer. "You <em>are</em> aware of what this is? And that your parents have seen it?"</p><p></p><p>difficult child turned bright red, and he started tapping his foot and getting angry, but he stayed calm enough.</p><p>"That's just stuff we were planning to do. We haven't done any of that."<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/crazy2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":crazy2:" title="crazy :crazy2:" data-shortname=":crazy2:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>therapist said that it was quite indicative of sexual activity.</p><p>"Yeah, so? It's for the future. It's like a fantasy thing. We haven't done anything."</p><p>"So, you're scaring us," I said.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/hairy.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hairy:" title="hairy :hairy:" data-shortname=":hairy:" /></p><p>"We're not doing anything," he said. </p><p>"She's 14. You're 16."</p><p>"We want to get married someday."</p><p>"That's nice. Let's stick to the topic of the notebook and what you're doing now. And by the way, we were cleaning for a party with-30 people and you are darned lucky we found it and not the guests!"</p><p>He shrugged his shoulders.</p><p></p><p>Long story short, his main concern wasn't that we were concerned that they might be having sex. (Or at least, sex with-their clothes on.) It was that his girlfriend's mother was dysfunctional and when she found out, she would verbally abuse her.</p><p>He did not want us to tell her.</p><p></p><p>Well, yesterday I went to a different therapist. She has a son who has Asperger's. She said that we needed to talk about this issue asap, and that even though husband wanted to talk about anxiety issues, that's a lifelong process, and we should deal with-the most pressing issues first. She also encouraged me to tell the mom, because she had a right to know, and it shouldn't look like we were going behind her back.</p><p>Sigh. A no-win situation. I was glad she said that, and also glad that this therapist said that this was a pressing issue and that the other anxiety issues could wait.</p><p></p><p>I told difficult child that I understood his concern, but our concern was that he not engage in sex right now, that he plan ahead, and that we supervise and chaperone him. And that he and his girlfriend were too young. We all agreed that this whole thing was normal and natural, but that we didn't need any babies right now.</p><p></p><p>He got very angry but held it in remarkably well (maybe the lithium is working, or the fact that he exploded earlier got it out of his system) and finally at the end of the session, he said, "Does that mean we can't go to a movie alone, or walk from the school to the park alone?"</p><p>Ah, the joys of literalism. We all chuckled and I said, "No, it's not 19th c China. You can still go to the movies and can still walk outside."</p><p>husband chimed in and you could see difficult child relax.</p><p></p><p></p><p>husband took difficult child home (picking up girlfriend on the way) so I drove to her mom's house and had a brief chat. Mom did tell her daughter that she'd heard about the notebook, and D said the same thing difficult child did: "That's for the future."</p><p>Arrgh.</p><p>Well, at least they had the same story. </p><p></p><p>T said she told her daughter that she loved her but that this was getting out of hand and she was going to be more closely supervised. 14 is too young. (I took that to mean too young for birth control, too.)</p><p></p><p>No condoms were given out today. But I'm still planning on it. I think this mtng was only a delay tactic. And I know that husband and T will not buy anything. </p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/1010hammer.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hammer:" title="hammer :hammer:" data-shortname=":hammer:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 595594, member: 3419"] So, we went to therapy. Yesterday, I apparently agreed that difficult child's girlfriend could ride along to NILD, and then to therapy. I hate it when she does that, because I feel like we can never be alone, in addition to which, she's just sitting there in the waiting room all the time. She does her homework, and plays with-her phone or ipad or whatever, but it's like they're attached at the hip. We hadn't discussed the notebook or therapist appointment at that point, so I didn't pursue the transportation issue further. I called the therapist today to give him a heads-up, and mentioned that D would be in the waiting room, and that difficult child might even want her to come in to discuss the notebook issue. The therapist said no, it wouldn't work, plus it would be a conflict of interest. Fine by me. New plan: I would take difficult child to NILD, and then to the therapist, meet husband there, and afterward we could picture up the girlfriend and take her to our house for tacos. If she wasn't too embarrassed to see us again. :) I called the girlfriend's mom, T, and spoke with-her briefly, and she was alarmed and angry with-her daughter, and I asked if she could text her daughter and come up with-a reason for her to take the bus instead of going to the therapist with-us. I also asked if she could hold off telling her daughter anything until we finished at the therapist, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to hold her tongue. She said fine. On the way to pick up difficult child, he sent me a long text, complaining that there was no good reason for D to take the bus, and I had promised they could go together, plus, it was their 8 mo anniversary (they have to celebrate their anniv every mo). I ignored the text. I got to school, and difficult child and his girlfriend were there, together. T called and I told her that her daughter was in the car. "I'll pick her up at the dr's ofc," T said, exasperated. (These kids do NOT want to listen to us.) difficult child yelled, "What did you tell her that for?" "What was I supposed to do, lie and tell her that D was lying on the ground behind some bushes or something? It's her daughter and she deserves to know that she's in my car." :sigh: difficult child refused to go to class, yelling his head off at me that I had changed plans (never mind that he ignored the change).:clubbing: I couldn't tell if his girlfriend was trying to get him to shut up because she was embarrassed, or if she agreed with-him. He finally cooled off and went to class. Then we drove to the dr ofc, and D sat in the car and waited for her mom to pick her up. The therapist didn't beat around the bush. The notebook was open on his desk. "You are aware of what this is?" "Yeah," difficult child said, glancing at the notebook. He thought it was a regular school notebook. The dr slid it closer. "You [I]are[/I] aware of what this is? And that your parents have seen it?" difficult child turned bright red, and he started tapping his foot and getting angry, but he stayed calm enough. "That's just stuff we were planning to do. We haven't done any of that.":crazy2: therapist said that it was quite indicative of sexual activity. "Yeah, so? It's for the future. It's like a fantasy thing. We haven't done anything." "So, you're scaring us," I said. :hairy: "We're not doing anything," he said. "She's 14. You're 16." "We want to get married someday." "That's nice. Let's stick to the topic of the notebook and what you're doing now. And by the way, we were cleaning for a party with-30 people and you are darned lucky we found it and not the guests!" He shrugged his shoulders. Long story short, his main concern wasn't that we were concerned that they might be having sex. (Or at least, sex with-their clothes on.) It was that his girlfriend's mother was dysfunctional and when she found out, she would verbally abuse her. He did not want us to tell her. Well, yesterday I went to a different therapist. She has a son who has Asperger's. She said that we needed to talk about this issue asap, and that even though husband wanted to talk about anxiety issues, that's a lifelong process, and we should deal with-the most pressing issues first. She also encouraged me to tell the mom, because she had a right to know, and it shouldn't look like we were going behind her back. Sigh. A no-win situation. I was glad she said that, and also glad that this therapist said that this was a pressing issue and that the other anxiety issues could wait. I told difficult child that I understood his concern, but our concern was that he not engage in sex right now, that he plan ahead, and that we supervise and chaperone him. And that he and his girlfriend were too young. We all agreed that this whole thing was normal and natural, but that we didn't need any babies right now. He got very angry but held it in remarkably well (maybe the lithium is working, or the fact that he exploded earlier got it out of his system) and finally at the end of the session, he said, "Does that mean we can't go to a movie alone, or walk from the school to the park alone?" Ah, the joys of literalism. We all chuckled and I said, "No, it's not 19th c China. You can still go to the movies and can still walk outside." husband chimed in and you could see difficult child relax. husband took difficult child home (picking up girlfriend on the way) so I drove to her mom's house and had a brief chat. Mom did tell her daughter that she'd heard about the notebook, and D said the same thing difficult child did: "That's for the future." Arrgh. Well, at least they had the same story. T said she told her daughter that she loved her but that this was getting out of hand and she was going to be more closely supervised. 14 is too young. (I took that to mean too young for birth control, too.) No condoms were given out today. But I'm still planning on it. I think this mtng was only a delay tactic. And I know that husband and T will not buy anything. :hammer: [/QUOTE]
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