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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 524356" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>If he's a wheeler and dealer he could have traded in the bus ticket(s), used the money for a laptop from say - Cragislist or the fleamarket - and be sitting anywhere that offers free wi-fi. difficult child's are RESOURCEFUL if nothing else when THEY WANT something. They just have to WANT the something. Like you say - you can't fathom not having a job. If your son WANTED a job? He'd move heaven and earth to get one. At this point his needs are met, his rent is covered, his food is paid for and he has no WANT for a job. Take the rent, the food and the other things he feels he NEEDS to survive away and - wants change. This is why it's important to learn tough love, detaching and separating our lives from theirs. Sometimes I used to think when we threw Dude out that I WANTED him to fall flat on his face and see how hard life was, so that he would want better. It took a long time - eating out of dumpsters, living under bridges, in parks - taking showers in ponds. Learning how it was to see how others reacted to you in dirty clothes. The very people he had thought it was enjoyable to make FUN of - for just such things - he was now one of. Frankly? For that humbling life experience? I'm glad. The Mom in me - nearly lost my mind thinking about the dangers - but if there was ever to be a chance that he found his way - without MY fixing things all the time? It needed to be done. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying that when they are really in dire straights you shouldn't consider how your helping them will impact YOUR life or theirs. That's got to be on you and how YOU are going to be able to live with it and sleep at night. Every choice we make, every thing we do touches and affects someone elses life - and so on, and so on, and so on. In the case of your son? His brain isn't even matured yet - I think about how I thought, and behaved at 21 - and I was very mature, very independent and on my own already for five years - and STILL I was so immature. So for a difficult child? It's got to be a great deal less thought process. That's what gets them into trouble, THAT's what we can't stand about their mentality - and that's what takes time, experience and age to cure if ever. </p><p></p><p>Wherever he's getting whatever he's getting? You can't control it, or fix it? Not worth worrying about. Maybe shoot him a message on FB one night at 3:00 AM and say - HEY how are you logging on? I'm out CLUBBIN - having a banging time dude......having as much fun as a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest....but thinking of you. (Let him think about THAT one.) </p><p></p><p>Hugs </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 524356, member: 4964"] If he's a wheeler and dealer he could have traded in the bus ticket(s), used the money for a laptop from say - Cragislist or the fleamarket - and be sitting anywhere that offers free wi-fi. difficult child's are RESOURCEFUL if nothing else when THEY WANT something. They just have to WANT the something. Like you say - you can't fathom not having a job. If your son WANTED a job? He'd move heaven and earth to get one. At this point his needs are met, his rent is covered, his food is paid for and he has no WANT for a job. Take the rent, the food and the other things he feels he NEEDS to survive away and - wants change. This is why it's important to learn tough love, detaching and separating our lives from theirs. Sometimes I used to think when we threw Dude out that I WANTED him to fall flat on his face and see how hard life was, so that he would want better. It took a long time - eating out of dumpsters, living under bridges, in parks - taking showers in ponds. Learning how it was to see how others reacted to you in dirty clothes. The very people he had thought it was enjoyable to make FUN of - for just such things - he was now one of. Frankly? For that humbling life experience? I'm glad. The Mom in me - nearly lost my mind thinking about the dangers - but if there was ever to be a chance that he found his way - without MY fixing things all the time? It needed to be done. I'm not saying that when they are really in dire straights you shouldn't consider how your helping them will impact YOUR life or theirs. That's got to be on you and how YOU are going to be able to live with it and sleep at night. Every choice we make, every thing we do touches and affects someone elses life - and so on, and so on, and so on. In the case of your son? His brain isn't even matured yet - I think about how I thought, and behaved at 21 - and I was very mature, very independent and on my own already for five years - and STILL I was so immature. So for a difficult child? It's got to be a great deal less thought process. That's what gets them into trouble, THAT's what we can't stand about their mentality - and that's what takes time, experience and age to cure if ever. Wherever he's getting whatever he's getting? You can't control it, or fix it? Not worth worrying about. Maybe shoot him a message on FB one night at 3:00 AM and say - HEY how are you logging on? I'm out CLUBBIN - having a banging time dude......having as much fun as a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest....but thinking of you. (Let him think about THAT one.) Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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