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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 661466" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I do want it to be clear, he wasn't flourishing the knife mid-tantrum. He owns it, he plays with it...an annoying flip it open, flip it shut thing, like clicking a pen or cracking your knuckles...but it would not have been in his hands when he was throwing his fit.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I know honey and that wasn't a dig at your parents. I even said to him, "That doesn't mean they approved of it". But you know how deep into his thick skull that penetrated. I just meant to point out it was one more thing that made the whole situation bad. In <em>his</em> brain it's "Oh, fine, <em>your</em> kids could do it but<em> I</em> get lectured and told I'm bad." He always has this persecution complex...he feels that everyone else can break the rules and get away with it, but he gets punished. He's always been that way. That's one reason why he and your parents were such a bad match. They don't think twice about saying this is wrong and that is wrong and you're doing wrong...and he doesn't think they mean it to apply to the world, just to him.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>Kind of the opposite actually. He barely got spanked and that stopped at about 7 or 8. He was always told he was bright and talented and could do whatever he put his mind to. For the life of me I don't know how he ended up with such low self esteem.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>I do think that's a big part of it.</p><p> </p><p>I keep thinking about all these kids I know who's parents we thought were "wrong". All these good, hard-working, decent kids. Jabber's brother? His kids and ours were talking Saturday about video games and how we wouldn't let ours play certain games. Fantasy violence? Sure. Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty? Not so much. There's a huge difference between killing monsters and zombies and shooting people. Jabber's brother's kids were playing those games at SIX, the age ours was still only allowed Pac Man and Mario. Ours was never allowed to even own them even as a teen. Their oldest is in college to be an accountant, has held a job since he was 15 or so. Middle son has a child at 16, but is working and contributing. Youngest son is still too young to know, but seems like a nice kid. Our son's best friend growing up, his parents gave him a huge allowance and tons of freedom. We thought they were far too permissive. He's married (too young in my opinion) but working full time and has his own place, just bought a car, etc. I have a work colleague who was the opposite. Her son's sex talk was "abstain, abstain, abstain". Telling him, "We don't approve of premarital sex at your age but if you DO, then use protection." which is kind of what we told ours, in her mind was giving permission. She didn't tell her kid, "Don't drink, but if you make a bad choice and disobey us, call us instead of driving." She just said, "Don't, don't, don't." He's in college and is an Eagle Scout and posts lovely religious sayings now and then on Facebook.</p><p> </p><p>We tried so hard to be "right" and not be too restrictive, letting him be an individual, but not be too soft and give him everything he wanted. We really did try.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 661466, member: 17309"] I do want it to be clear, he wasn't flourishing the knife mid-tantrum. He owns it, he plays with it...an annoying flip it open, flip it shut thing, like clicking a pen or cracking your knuckles...but it would not have been in his hands when he was throwing his fit. I know honey and that wasn't a dig at your parents. I even said to him, "That doesn't mean they approved of it". But you know how deep into his thick skull that penetrated. I just meant to point out it was one more thing that made the whole situation bad. In [I]his[/I] brain it's "Oh, fine, [I]your[/I] kids could do it but[I] I[/I] get lectured and told I'm bad." He always has this persecution complex...he feels that everyone else can break the rules and get away with it, but he gets punished. He's always been that way. That's one reason why he and your parents were such a bad match. They don't think twice about saying this is wrong and that is wrong and you're doing wrong...and he doesn't think they mean it to apply to the world, just to him. Kind of the opposite actually. He barely got spanked and that stopped at about 7 or 8. He was always told he was bright and talented and could do whatever he put his mind to. For the life of me I don't know how he ended up with such low self esteem. I do think that's a big part of it. I keep thinking about all these kids I know who's parents we thought were "wrong". All these good, hard-working, decent kids. Jabber's brother? His kids and ours were talking Saturday about video games and how we wouldn't let ours play certain games. Fantasy violence? Sure. Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty? Not so much. There's a huge difference between killing monsters and zombies and shooting people. Jabber's brother's kids were playing those games at SIX, the age ours was still only allowed Pac Man and Mario. Ours was never allowed to even own them even as a teen. Their oldest is in college to be an accountant, has held a job since he was 15 or so. Middle son has a child at 16, but is working and contributing. Youngest son is still too young to know, but seems like a nice kid. Our son's best friend growing up, his parents gave him a huge allowance and tons of freedom. We thought they were far too permissive. He's married (too young in my opinion) but working full time and has his own place, just bought a car, etc. I have a work colleague who was the opposite. Her son's sex talk was "abstain, abstain, abstain". Telling him, "We don't approve of premarital sex at your age but if you DO, then use protection." which is kind of what we told ours, in her mind was giving permission. She didn't tell her kid, "Don't drink, but if you make a bad choice and disobey us, call us instead of driving." She just said, "Don't, don't, don't." He's in college and is an Eagle Scout and posts lovely religious sayings now and then on Facebook. We tried so hard to be "right" and not be too restrictive, letting him be an individual, but not be too soft and give him everything he wanted. We really did try. [/QUOTE]
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