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Feeling but know it needed to be done
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 610917" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Tia, it is very hard to trust when you have been betrayed by those you counted on to care for you as a child. I have huge trust issues and boundaries issues. Either I trust too much and get burned or don't trust at all (more commonly). My "family" now is my husband, kids and, yes, my two furbabies. My extended family, the little that there is, are not part of my family. I did have one dear friend who was my TRUE sister (not DNA, but more of a sister than my sister ever was) but she died of cancer at age fifty. I miss her very much. I had another sister-like relationship with another woman, but when I moved, we grew apart, although we are still in touch and still love each other. </p><p></p><p>I was not able to be a caregiver to my parents. I had so many Learning Disability (LD) and neurological problems that I desperately needed parents who understood me and would help, but that never happened. I was "lazy, selfish, and only thought about myself." The DNA family assessment of me puzzled me as it is so wrong. I wasn't lazy on purpose, but back before even ADHD was acknowledged, I understand how they could have thought that I'd given up on school due to laziness. But selfish and only thinking of myself? I don't understand that. From very early on, I thought of everyone but myself and would go without for others, if it would make THEM happy. Yes, I learned I was codependent to the best of my ability. I don't think I still am. I like to help other people because I know how it feels to be in that dark place, but I don't feel as if I *have* to help anyone. I used to think I was put on earth to try to please everyone else and to fail doing this. </p><p></p><p>I had a divorce too. My first husband was a clone of how I'd been treated as a kid. Second husband is wonderful...things are better now. </p><p></p><p>I hope you get through this remembering that people don't change unless they WANT to change and if your DNA connections want to hurt you, they will keep doing it as long as you allow them to be in your life. Eventually, I think it comes down to learning we ARE worthwhile and we are NOT what abusive people tell us we are. And we need to learn to love the person who we are so we have t he strength to stand up to those who would deliberately try to make us unhappy. Some DNA packs need a scapegoat. Don't let them make it you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 610917, member: 1550"] Tia, it is very hard to trust when you have been betrayed by those you counted on to care for you as a child. I have huge trust issues and boundaries issues. Either I trust too much and get burned or don't trust at all (more commonly). My "family" now is my husband, kids and, yes, my two furbabies. My extended family, the little that there is, are not part of my family. I did have one dear friend who was my TRUE sister (not DNA, but more of a sister than my sister ever was) but she died of cancer at age fifty. I miss her very much. I had another sister-like relationship with another woman, but when I moved, we grew apart, although we are still in touch and still love each other. I was not able to be a caregiver to my parents. I had so many Learning Disability (LD) and neurological problems that I desperately needed parents who understood me and would help, but that never happened. I was "lazy, selfish, and only thought about myself." The DNA family assessment of me puzzled me as it is so wrong. I wasn't lazy on purpose, but back before even ADHD was acknowledged, I understand how they could have thought that I'd given up on school due to laziness. But selfish and only thinking of myself? I don't understand that. From very early on, I thought of everyone but myself and would go without for others, if it would make THEM happy. Yes, I learned I was codependent to the best of my ability. I don't think I still am. I like to help other people because I know how it feels to be in that dark place, but I don't feel as if I *have* to help anyone. I used to think I was put on earth to try to please everyone else and to fail doing this. I had a divorce too. My first husband was a clone of how I'd been treated as a kid. Second husband is wonderful...things are better now. I hope you get through this remembering that people don't change unless they WANT to change and if your DNA connections want to hurt you, they will keep doing it as long as you allow them to be in your life. Eventually, I think it comes down to learning we ARE worthwhile and we are NOT what abusive people tell us we are. And we need to learn to love the person who we are so we have t he strength to stand up to those who would deliberately try to make us unhappy. Some DNA packs need a scapegoat. Don't let them make it you. [/QUOTE]
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