Thanks for the responses.
Believe me we have tried and considered everything. We started random drug testing in October, he has only been positive once. We do random room checks and have found lots of condoms, as well as home-made weapons (lethal), flasks of cough syrup, cigarettes, loose tobacco (had it checked for MJ) stolen jewelry and CDs. When we try to set limits he hurts difficult child 2 and/or runs away. That is what got him placed in foster care. He is calmer there. I know the foster parent and have a good relationship with her. I have known her for years. She is good at setting limits and he is hiding things from her. She does room checks and has found tobacco, condoms, and money. I teach at the school he goes to so I know his friends, they are not gang members, and several of them are giving him good advice. He leaves the school several times a day and doesn't mind getting caught, spends most of his time in ISS. It is helpful that all the staff know me and are willing to help as much as possible, he is just resisting everything from everyone. Yes, I even tried giving him some space. It is one of those situations where if you give an inch they take a mile. When allowed to stay with friends he refuses to come home. He is good at saying what he thinks people want to hear and can sound very sincere, but I think he is trying to create a situation where people will look the other way. He was suspended from school for possession of tobacco (3rd time) and was to stay at the probation office, they couldn't keep him there. He disappeared on them 3 times in 2 days, didn't go at all one day even though I watched him enter the building. He can be honest when it serves his purpose, and calmly explained to his team his shoplifting methods. He has had a drug evaluation and has been in counseling for a year. We have checked with his doctors on the medications and they do not think they are causing the behavior. I am told it is his age and development level combined with the ODD moving into CD. Based on my training that sounds about right. I deal with most everything lately by being my professional self, but the mom part of me is falling apart.