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Feeling Sad about Birthday coming coming up...
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 538220" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Nanners,</p><p></p><p>First off, {{{hugs}}}. It's very hard when you put a lot of effort into doing nice things for other people, only to have your special occasions go completely unrecognized. It hurts, and you have every right to feel badly.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The statement you made above really struck me. I think you ARE doing something wrong. Here's what I mean...</p><p></p><p>When you give people presents in order to make them like you, it's a bit like a contract. I do X for you and in return you do Y for me. Except that the recipients of the gift don't know that there is a contract, let alone the terms of it. They have no idea that you're expecting anything at all. After all, they've never done anything nice for you, and yet the gifts, cards and money keep on coming. From their perspective it's a pretty sweet deal -- they get lots of nice stuff and don't have to do anything.</p><p></p><p>For you on the other hand, by continuing to give those gifts, you're giving yourself a lot of grief and heartache. And each additional gift you give adds to your store of pain.</p><p></p><p>So, stop. No gifts, no cards, nothing. If the deal is that you give a gift and you get treated nicely in return, then they have not lived up to their end of the contract, and it can be broken.</p><p></p><p>The only reason you should be giving a gift to anyone is because it brings you pleasure to do so, without any expectation of return. If you want to keep giving your relatives presents, knowing that they won't appreciate or thank you for them but because it makes you feel good, then you should keep doing so. However, if it's going to cause you more and more pain and resentment, then you need to change the pattern.</p><p></p><p>Your family members may not treat you any better than they did before. But you won't be putting your happiness or hurt in their hands anymore either.</p><p></p><p>{{{More HUGS}}},</p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 538220, member: 3907"] Nanners, First off, {{{hugs}}}. It's very hard when you put a lot of effort into doing nice things for other people, only to have your special occasions go completely unrecognized. It hurts, and you have every right to feel badly. The statement you made above really struck me. I think you ARE doing something wrong. Here's what I mean... When you give people presents in order to make them like you, it's a bit like a contract. I do X for you and in return you do Y for me. Except that the recipients of the gift don't know that there is a contract, let alone the terms of it. They have no idea that you're expecting anything at all. After all, they've never done anything nice for you, and yet the gifts, cards and money keep on coming. From their perspective it's a pretty sweet deal -- they get lots of nice stuff and don't have to do anything. For you on the other hand, by continuing to give those gifts, you're giving yourself a lot of grief and heartache. And each additional gift you give adds to your store of pain. So, stop. No gifts, no cards, nothing. If the deal is that you give a gift and you get treated nicely in return, then they have not lived up to their end of the contract, and it can be broken. The only reason you should be giving a gift to anyone is because it brings you pleasure to do so, without any expectation of return. If you want to keep giving your relatives presents, knowing that they won't appreciate or thank you for them but because it makes you feel good, then you should keep doing so. However, if it's going to cause you more and more pain and resentment, then you need to change the pattern. Your family members may not treat you any better than they did before. But you won't be putting your happiness or hurt in their hands anymore either. {{{More HUGS}}}, Trinity [/QUOTE]
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