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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663589" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>First, I want to comment upon the difference of opinion between the two therapists. Each therapist is a person. They will all differ somewhat in how they see things. Even those that had the same training, the same philosophical basis, are all different people, with different strengths and needs as individuals. It will change everything. At the end of the day, all of this is about you. What you can do. What you need. What you can tolerate.</p><p></p><p>Nobody is helping you if they do not consider this. You. There are no abstracts here.</p><p></p><p>You have to find a path that you can follow. A way that you can live. Nobody can decide for you. The measure of all things is in you.</p><p></p><p>This is going to be a path of finding yourself, of knowing who you are. You may never have known yourself as you will come to know you and your needs. That is the gift of this. We are destroyed down to our very studs. And we come to know what we are made of. And truly where we want to and need to go.</p><p></p><p>A therapist who is not considering all this, is not understanding who you are and what you need to walk through this.</p><p></p><p>It is not clear which of the therapists is worthy of listening to. It may not matter. The person who needs to be listened to is you. You will decide.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes kindness can be a bad thing. It can strengthen the very thing that needs to be eradicated, rooted out.</p><p></p><p>I am kind. I am not always strong.</p><p>Now this I can comment upon. This is pure garbage, to me. How in the world is your son not your son????? This will never, ever be so.</p><p></p><p>There may be nothing more that you can or should do for him, but he is still your son. He knows you are his Mother.</p><p>This I know from experience. With actual Paranoid Schizophrenic men. When they feel safe, and contained, they can bond.</p><p></p><p>I worked with troubled men. This was the level of care right above acute hospitalization. I would guess a third of the men had a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, Paranoid type.</p><p></p><p>I know first hand that with care and love, and containment and security, these men can stabilize and they can bond. They can see logic. Logic is different than insight and judgment. They can see what keeps them safe and what does not. They can find some contentment in themselves with hobbies and exercise. They can feel cared for.</p><p></p><p>To me, that is a lot. There have been times in my own life when I have had way less.</p><p>How is this person really to know this?</p><p></p><p>I would say this.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like what this mean therapist is selling, you are not buying.</p><p></p><p>The only thing that matters here, is you. You are the consumer. You get to decide.</p><p></p><p>If you cannot hear that person (whether they are right or wrong matters not at all) that person needs to be terminated. And another person found that you can and will hear.</p><p></p><p>You are not willing to hear that your son is not your son. It is not helpful to you. That is the proof of the pudding. However right is that person does not count. Let them write an article and tell other people. It is not helping you.</p><p></p><p>There has to be another therapist. Ask the nice one if she can give you several names as alternatives, that would be covered on your insurance. Or change your insurance plan. If you are a teacher, there should be a selection of plans. Or go someplace with a sliding scale. Jewish Family Service, for example, is in most Metropolitan areas. They do not care whether or not you are Jewish. Their people are competent. </p><p>That makes sense. That is not necessarily a bad thing. If it can lead to something that is better.</p><p>This makes me feel sad.</p><p></p><p>This is why that therapist is wrong to tell you he is no longer your son. He will always be your son and you will always be his mother.</p><p></p><p>I would love for you to be able to take some art classes. And to express in art your anguish and love. It is as big as the sky and as deep as the sea. I wish you could see it and feel it like I do.</p><p></p><p>After my Mother died, I took an online ART class, before I really crashed and burned. My grief turned into the most exquisite expressions of maternal love. Nobody can ever take that away from us. Or should.</p><p></p><p>That love is infinite. It will outlive rocks.</p><p></p><p>You will see your son again. I know it. He will live. I believe that. You will see him again. And again.</p><p></p><p>I am more worried about you, actually. Or maybe I am projecting here and it is my own self who hangs in the balance. Probably that.</p><p></p><p>We must find a way to have compassion for ourselves, to hold ourselves through this period of extended agony.</p><p></p><p>For me, it will be Art and textiles with other women, I hope. And physical activity such as walking and swimming and dancing. </p><p></p><p>I am still in bed. But I will get up.</p><p></p><p>Think about what you need FS. That is key here. What you need from a therapist. What you need to give yourself.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you. Remember.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663589, member: 18958"] First, I want to comment upon the difference of opinion between the two therapists. Each therapist is a person. They will all differ somewhat in how they see things. Even those that had the same training, the same philosophical basis, are all different people, with different strengths and needs as individuals. It will change everything. At the end of the day, all of this is about you. What you can do. What you need. What you can tolerate. Nobody is helping you if they do not consider this. You. There are no abstracts here. You have to find a path that you can follow. A way that you can live. Nobody can decide for you. The measure of all things is in you. This is going to be a path of finding yourself, of knowing who you are. You may never have known yourself as you will come to know you and your needs. That is the gift of this. We are destroyed down to our very studs. And we come to know what we are made of. And truly where we want to and need to go. A therapist who is not considering all this, is not understanding who you are and what you need to walk through this. It is not clear which of the therapists is worthy of listening to. It may not matter. The person who needs to be listened to is you. You will decide. Sometimes kindness can be a bad thing. It can strengthen the very thing that needs to be eradicated, rooted out. I am kind. I am not always strong. Now this I can comment upon. This is pure garbage, to me. How in the world is your son not your son????? This will never, ever be so. There may be nothing more that you can or should do for him, but he is still your son. He knows you are his Mother. This I know from experience. With actual Paranoid Schizophrenic men. When they feel safe, and contained, they can bond. I worked with troubled men. This was the level of care right above acute hospitalization. I would guess a third of the men had a diagnosis of Schizophrenia, Paranoid type. I know first hand that with care and love, and containment and security, these men can stabilize and they can bond. They can see logic. Logic is different than insight and judgment. They can see what keeps them safe and what does not. They can find some contentment in themselves with hobbies and exercise. They can feel cared for. To me, that is a lot. There have been times in my own life when I have had way less. How is this person really to know this? I would say this. It sounds like what this mean therapist is selling, you are not buying. The only thing that matters here, is you. You are the consumer. You get to decide. If you cannot hear that person (whether they are right or wrong matters not at all) that person needs to be terminated. And another person found that you can and will hear. You are not willing to hear that your son is not your son. It is not helpful to you. That is the proof of the pudding. However right is that person does not count. Let them write an article and tell other people. It is not helping you. There has to be another therapist. Ask the nice one if she can give you several names as alternatives, that would be covered on your insurance. Or change your insurance plan. If you are a teacher, there should be a selection of plans. Or go someplace with a sliding scale. Jewish Family Service, for example, is in most Metropolitan areas. They do not care whether or not you are Jewish. Their people are competent. That makes sense. That is not necessarily a bad thing. If it can lead to something that is better. This makes me feel sad. This is why that therapist is wrong to tell you he is no longer your son. He will always be your son and you will always be his mother. I would love for you to be able to take some art classes. And to express in art your anguish and love. It is as big as the sky and as deep as the sea. I wish you could see it and feel it like I do. After my Mother died, I took an online ART class, before I really crashed and burned. My grief turned into the most exquisite expressions of maternal love. Nobody can ever take that away from us. Or should. That love is infinite. It will outlive rocks. You will see your son again. I know it. He will live. I believe that. You will see him again. And again. I am more worried about you, actually. Or maybe I am projecting here and it is my own self who hangs in the balance. Probably that. We must find a way to have compassion for ourselves, to hold ourselves through this period of extended agony. For me, it will be Art and textiles with other women, I hope. And physical activity such as walking and swimming and dancing. I am still in bed. But I will get up. Think about what you need FS. That is key here. What you need from a therapist. What you need to give yourself. We are here for you. Remember. [/QUOTE]
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