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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 663617" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>Crying again...Thank you for your kind words! You are right. I need to have hope that I will see him again to carry on. The mental health system is just so difficult. He does not realize he is sick and thus, will not seek treatment. </p><p></p><p>I have to realize that I have no control over this. I keep thinking, over and over again, what if I had done this...said this...been nicer...been stricter...The list goes on.</p><p></p><p>I am going to check into a new therapist. I do not need to feel that I am failing her somehow or that I have to lie. I think that Jewish Services are just for children under 18. I have worked with them before for many of my students. They are great.</p><p></p><p>You are right. I do have a right to feel safe in my own house. I am still trying to get used to it. </p><p></p><p>He would get mad if I spoke to my middle son who is away at college. He opened his door once and threw a large glass bottle out. It shattered all over the place. I started to talk to my other son as if I was speaking to one of my friends who teaches. He came out of his room once, and could still hear my other son's voice and then...got violent. I do not think I realized how truly scary it was. Unfortunately, I numbed out...my coping strategy from ptsd.</p><p></p><p>It wasn't my kitchen anymore. I just paid $11,000 last year to have the ceilings raised, but I did not use it. He would leave gigantic messes on the floors and counters. When I tried to clean it up in the morning, I was almost late for work. He would purposely pour things on the floor after I had mopped. If I threw away some scrap of garlic or a taco hot sauce packet, he would take something nice of mine from around the house and throw it away. I would not notice until weeks later, when the trash was already picked up.</p><p></p><p>There were times he would just take things...I don't know why. It is like that game they have at baby showers, where they give you one minute to study the things on a tray...and you need to try to remember what was there. He smeared tooth paste all over once. I still don't know why. He kicked in furniture and smashed things. I still don't know why. Three computers, a t.v., 2 remote contols, the land line phone, light fixtures...the list goes on.</p><p></p><p>He took a small girl bust. I asked him where it was. He said that he would "help me look for it". After he was removed, I found it in his room. I was never allowed to go in his room. The face and eyes were scribbled on with a marker. Was that me?</p><p></p><p>I will keep on trying...we all will. It is very difficult to actually think about myself. I just feel jumpy, anxious, and very, very sad. I wish that I could numb out the pain, but I can't.</p><p></p><p>Thank you again. It is so nice to have support and know that people care. Thank you for all of your wonderful insight and inspiration! I always feel better after reading this site. I am so glad that I found you guys!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 663617, member: 19245"] Crying again...Thank you for your kind words! You are right. I need to have hope that I will see him again to carry on. The mental health system is just so difficult. He does not realize he is sick and thus, will not seek treatment. I have to realize that I have no control over this. I keep thinking, over and over again, what if I had done this...said this...been nicer...been stricter...The list goes on. I am going to check into a new therapist. I do not need to feel that I am failing her somehow or that I have to lie. I think that Jewish Services are just for children under 18. I have worked with them before for many of my students. They are great. You are right. I do have a right to feel safe in my own house. I am still trying to get used to it. He would get mad if I spoke to my middle son who is away at college. He opened his door once and threw a large glass bottle out. It shattered all over the place. I started to talk to my other son as if I was speaking to one of my friends who teaches. He came out of his room once, and could still hear my other son's voice and then...got violent. I do not think I realized how truly scary it was. Unfortunately, I numbed out...my coping strategy from ptsd. It wasn't my kitchen anymore. I just paid $11,000 last year to have the ceilings raised, but I did not use it. He would leave gigantic messes on the floors and counters. When I tried to clean it up in the morning, I was almost late for work. He would purposely pour things on the floor after I had mopped. If I threw away some scrap of garlic or a taco hot sauce packet, he would take something nice of mine from around the house and throw it away. I would not notice until weeks later, when the trash was already picked up. There were times he would just take things...I don't know why. It is like that game they have at baby showers, where they give you one minute to study the things on a tray...and you need to try to remember what was there. He smeared tooth paste all over once. I still don't know why. He kicked in furniture and smashed things. I still don't know why. Three computers, a t.v., 2 remote contols, the land line phone, light fixtures...the list goes on. He took a small girl bust. I asked him where it was. He said that he would "help me look for it". After he was removed, I found it in his room. I was never allowed to go in his room. The face and eyes were scribbled on with a marker. Was that me? I will keep on trying...we all will. It is very difficult to actually think about myself. I just feel jumpy, anxious, and very, very sad. I wish that I could numb out the pain, but I can't. Thank you again. It is so nice to have support and know that people care. Thank you for all of your wonderful insight and inspiration! I always feel better after reading this site. I am so glad that I found you guys! [/QUOTE]
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