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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 663820" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>FS, just following along here and catching up. You had asked about the money in the account. I agree with the rest of the posters that if that makes you feel better, leave some money in the account.</p><p></p><p>Also, this is a very hard thing to navigate, a person with severe mental illness who does not know reality. As we have often said on many many threads on this forum, we can all eventually see clearly how not enabling someone is the "right" thing to do, setting limits, boundaries, tough love, if you will, unless the person doesn't know reality, is psychotic, is so very ill to that point.</p><p></p><p>As you have posted, this is your situation. </p><p></p><p>So, how do you decide what to do and what not to do? He is your precious son. Just typing that sentence connects with my heart and my soul. I so understand that.</p><p></p><p>Isn't the real issue compliance? He will not comply with any of the possible treatments (although I know it is very hard to treat schizophrenia effectively) and he won't comply with your rules for your house or society's rules and laws that are in place for all of us. And the mental health system is very broken. Our jails are now our mental hospitals, and that is so not right.</p><p></p><p>So..again..what to do? A person who threatens to kill you and takes steps to do harm to you is a person you cannot have in your house. It seems to me, that is your starting point. That is a clear place for you to stand. And even if you wanted to set your own safety aside---which truly "gets you nowhere" in terms of helping him---you have another son to consider. Again, this is a clear line to draw, and you have drawn it, as hard as it is. </p><p></p><p>Maslow's hierarchy of needs---physical survival first. You must survive. </p><p></p><p>So living with the awful not knowing---where is he? Is he okay? Is he surviving somehow? What will happen next? is what you are now grappling with. It is very very hard to live like this...in fact, we have to LEARN to live like this. It is not human nature to just let go of people, places and things. Our human selves want to control our environments and the people around us. Especially the people we love. Oh, we have the best of intentions, but we still want to manage, fix and control. It is an illusion, because we have never been successful at doing it and we never will be. </p><p></p><p>Like you said, your son will likely get picked up and go to jail. Jail is not a bad place at times for people who are in crisis---compared with the street. There are three meals and a place to sleep. Jail is a "box" with very black and white limited rules. For many people, that is a relief and a good thing.</p><p></p><p>Will it be for your son? I don't know </p><p></p><p>I wish with all of my heart there would be a way for people who are so sick like your precious son, to be gently and kindly forced to a place where they could get as much help as is possible. I know that scenario doesn't really exist much in our country right now. </p><p></p><p>I believe you are doing one of the hardest things there ever has been to do. Please, please, get every bit of help that you can get and make that help your part-time job. Help for you. I know you have therapists, and that is good. Please seek out other programs, books, resources, tools, ideas for finding a small place of peace for yourself to stand. </p><p></p><p>We care here, and we are with you in this. You are not alone. We are here. Warm hugs this morning.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 663820, member: 17542"] FS, just following along here and catching up. You had asked about the money in the account. I agree with the rest of the posters that if that makes you feel better, leave some money in the account. Also, this is a very hard thing to navigate, a person with severe mental illness who does not know reality. As we have often said on many many threads on this forum, we can all eventually see clearly how not enabling someone is the "right" thing to do, setting limits, boundaries, tough love, if you will, unless the person doesn't know reality, is psychotic, is so very ill to that point. As you have posted, this is your situation. So, how do you decide what to do and what not to do? He is your precious son. Just typing that sentence connects with my heart and my soul. I so understand that. Isn't the real issue compliance? He will not comply with any of the possible treatments (although I know it is very hard to treat schizophrenia effectively) and he won't comply with your rules for your house or society's rules and laws that are in place for all of us. And the mental health system is very broken. Our jails are now our mental hospitals, and that is so not right. So..again..what to do? A person who threatens to kill you and takes steps to do harm to you is a person you cannot have in your house. It seems to me, that is your starting point. That is a clear place for you to stand. And even if you wanted to set your own safety aside---which truly "gets you nowhere" in terms of helping him---you have another son to consider. Again, this is a clear line to draw, and you have drawn it, as hard as it is. Maslow's hierarchy of needs---physical survival first. You must survive. So living with the awful not knowing---where is he? Is he okay? Is he surviving somehow? What will happen next? is what you are now grappling with. It is very very hard to live like this...in fact, we have to LEARN to live like this. It is not human nature to just let go of people, places and things. Our human selves want to control our environments and the people around us. Especially the people we love. Oh, we have the best of intentions, but we still want to manage, fix and control. It is an illusion, because we have never been successful at doing it and we never will be. Like you said, your son will likely get picked up and go to jail. Jail is not a bad place at times for people who are in crisis---compared with the street. There are three meals and a place to sleep. Jail is a "box" with very black and white limited rules. For many people, that is a relief and a good thing. Will it be for your son? I don't know I wish with all of my heart there would be a way for people who are so sick like your precious son, to be gently and kindly forced to a place where they could get as much help as is possible. I know that scenario doesn't really exist much in our country right now. I believe you are doing one of the hardest things there ever has been to do. Please, please, get every bit of help that you can get and make that help your part-time job. Help for you. I know you have therapists, and that is good. Please seek out other programs, books, resources, tools, ideas for finding a small place of peace for yourself to stand. We care here, and we are with you in this. You are not alone. We are here. Warm hugs this morning. [/QUOTE]
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