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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663832" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>OK, Feeling. I feel you need to make <em>yourself</em> a project. Not that you are not a perfectly fine person. But to feel better some things have to change.</p><p></p><p>First, the agony has to go. It will not help. For you to ever see your son, you have to survive, too.</p><p></p><p>Killing yourself off does not meet that goal.</p><p></p><p>What you are doing here is perseverating: Beating yourself and accusing yourself gives you the illusion of control. If I take all of the guilt for the situation, maybe my son will be spared.</p><p></p><p>It does not work.</p><p>I think I understand. You were forced to take a desperate action, which you might never have done, had you not been forced.</p><p></p><p>Being as if forced, you did something that everything against you had resisted. Emotions: guilt, fear, love, even shame, maybe, would never have been overcome if not for the desperate danger.</p><p></p><p>But they were. </p><p></p><p>Of course you cannot believe it. In a moment's crisis you decided 3 things: I need to stand up for my family. I will not allow my son to kill me or to kill his brother, my son. I will do whatever I need to do that this does not happen.</p><p></p><p>There you are. Talk about a place to stand. You stood up Feeling. Not everybody is capable of this. Start here, Feeling. What does that mean to you, that you stood up. That you took that stand for yourself and all of you? Who is that person, Feeling? What does she need? What is important to her? Introduce yourself to her.</p><p>FS, your life was in danger from your son, for a long time. On some level you knew it. One day you had to face it. You did.</p><p>But FS, you are in your own equation. For the first time in perhaps your whole life, you have the potential to be present to yourself.</p><p>I love this. If you look at it one way, your son is on an adventure. He may be frightened but he is engaged. He is engaged in life. He may be so focused on what he has to do, what he must do, that he is less symptomatic.</p><p></p><p>The thing is we do not know. When he was in your room in your house, you knew. But at what cost to him? In that room he lived as if in a Zoo. He may have had people who loved him, near...but he was confined. His life was defined. His symptoms increased. With all the safety you gave him (at greast cost)it did not help him. Face it Feeling.</p><p></p><p>Right now you are choosing to go after and blame yourself. For everything. Fast. Slow. Cold. Hot. Up. Down. Old. Young. Early. Late. To infinity. Every conceivable modifier, whether adjective or adverb you accuse yourself up. Soon you will tire. What will you have accomplished? Oh, I forgot, other parts of speech too. Here. There. You have a choice, to stop it. I do too.</p><p></p><p>Your symptoms, now may decrease some. He has tasks. He has a purpose. To live. He has to organize himself. He has to contain himself. He may be distracted from his demons.</p><p></p><p>The thing is right now, you are trying on some level to offer yourself to suffer, in place of him. Like some kind of reverse voodoo doll, you are putting pins in yourself, to draw the pain and distress to you.</p><p></p><p>For guilt, for the sense of control, to protect him...whatever. It will not work. It does not work. It is a primitive mechanism. Find new ones.</p><p></p><p>You know what to do. So do I. Do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663832, member: 18958"] OK, Feeling. I feel you need to make [I]yourself[/I] a project. Not that you are not a perfectly fine person. But to feel better some things have to change. First, the agony has to go. It will not help. For you to ever see your son, you have to survive, too. Killing yourself off does not meet that goal. What you are doing here is perseverating: Beating yourself and accusing yourself gives you the illusion of control. If I take all of the guilt for the situation, maybe my son will be spared. It does not work. I think I understand. You were forced to take a desperate action, which you might never have done, had you not been forced. Being as if forced, you did something that everything against you had resisted. Emotions: guilt, fear, love, even shame, maybe, would never have been overcome if not for the desperate danger. But they were. Of course you cannot believe it. In a moment's crisis you decided 3 things: I need to stand up for my family. I will not allow my son to kill me or to kill his brother, my son. I will do whatever I need to do that this does not happen. There you are. Talk about a place to stand. You stood up Feeling. Not everybody is capable of this. Start here, Feeling. What does that mean to you, that you stood up. That you took that stand for yourself and all of you? Who is that person, Feeling? What does she need? What is important to her? Introduce yourself to her. FS, your life was in danger from your son, for a long time. On some level you knew it. One day you had to face it. You did. But FS, you are in your own equation. For the first time in perhaps your whole life, you have the potential to be present to yourself. I love this. If you look at it one way, your son is on an adventure. He may be frightened but he is engaged. He is engaged in life. He may be so focused on what he has to do, what he must do, that he is less symptomatic. The thing is we do not know. When he was in your room in your house, you knew. But at what cost to him? In that room he lived as if in a Zoo. He may have had people who loved him, near...but he was confined. His life was defined. His symptoms increased. With all the safety you gave him (at greast cost)it did not help him. Face it Feeling. Right now you are choosing to go after and blame yourself. For everything. Fast. Slow. Cold. Hot. Up. Down. Old. Young. Early. Late. To infinity. Every conceivable modifier, whether adjective or adverb you accuse yourself up. Soon you will tire. What will you have accomplished? Oh, I forgot, other parts of speech too. Here. There. You have a choice, to stop it. I do too. Your symptoms, now may decrease some. He has tasks. He has a purpose. To live. He has to organize himself. He has to contain himself. He may be distracted from his demons. The thing is right now, you are trying on some level to offer yourself to suffer, in place of him. Like some kind of reverse voodoo doll, you are putting pins in yourself, to draw the pain and distress to you. For guilt, for the sense of control, to protect him...whatever. It will not work. It does not work. It is a primitive mechanism. Find new ones. You know what to do. So do I. Do it. [/QUOTE]
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