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Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Feeling Sad" data-source="post: 702484" data-attributes="member: 19245"><p>I live in a safe neighborhood. I never felt afraid as a single mother. But, I think that it is a combination of being completely alone for now on, coupled with the trauma of what I went through with my violent schizophrenic son.</p><p></p><p>The part that is worse than the extreme fear, is the profound never-ending sadness that I might not ever see my son again. Living here in the same house is the only way that I could ever see him again. I do not know where he is. He lives in his car.</p><p></p><p>Yes, it sounds crazy. It IS crazy. I want to stay here so if my son wants to contact me, he could find me. But, here is the crazy part... He could also find me to kill me.</p><p></p><p>There is no 'good' answer. I have been told that I should never be with him again. But, as a mother, how can I accept that fate? I would never be alone with him. </p><p></p><p>He did not want to kill me. He was arguing with his voices that he did not want to kill me. Three weeks earlier, he had broken the bottle and held it out towards my throat, but he stopped. He probably saw my shocked face.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying that this is wonderful. Yes, it is extremely dangerous. But, the 'normal' or sane part of my son was still fighting the voices. Imagine how difficult it has been on my son to slowly slip away and be plaqued by threatening voices and delusions.</p><p></p><p>If I move, there would be zero chance of ever seeing my son again. But, yes, I would be safer. It is gut-wrenching. I do not know what to do. My first night alone is this Saturday. My youngest son has no idea, nor will I tell him about my fear.</p><p></p><p>I will get through this. I have to. Thank you for being here for me. It makes me feel better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Feeling Sad, post: 702484, member: 19245"] I live in a safe neighborhood. I never felt afraid as a single mother. But, I think that it is a combination of being completely alone for now on, coupled with the trauma of what I went through with my violent schizophrenic son. The part that is worse than the extreme fear, is the profound never-ending sadness that I might not ever see my son again. Living here in the same house is the only way that I could ever see him again. I do not know where he is. He lives in his car. Yes, it sounds crazy. It IS crazy. I want to stay here so if my son wants to contact me, he could find me. But, here is the crazy part... He could also find me to kill me. There is no 'good' answer. I have been told that I should never be with him again. But, as a mother, how can I accept that fate? I would never be alone with him. He did not want to kill me. He was arguing with his voices that he did not want to kill me. Three weeks earlier, he had broken the bottle and held it out towards my throat, but he stopped. He probably saw my shocked face. I am not saying that this is wonderful. Yes, it is extremely dangerous. But, the 'normal' or sane part of my son was still fighting the voices. Imagine how difficult it has been on my son to slowly slip away and be plaqued by threatening voices and delusions. If I move, there would be zero chance of ever seeing my son again. But, yes, I would be safer. It is gut-wrenching. I do not know what to do. My first night alone is this Saturday. My youngest son has no idea, nor will I tell him about my fear. I will get through this. I have to. Thank you for being here for me. It makes me feel better. [/QUOTE]
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