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Feeling sick over what difficult child has said...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 9060" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I don't want to upset people who have had to deal with terrifying situations, but I have a different view. While I do agree that you should tell the therapist, you need to handle this sort of thing as it crops up. And if you react with shock, horror and fear, you could be giving him some power - "wow, if I say these things I get attention. They're scared of me when I talk like this and I like how that feels, especially when I'm angry."</p><p></p><p>I would respond in two ways:</p><p></p><p>1) Comment on how unusual an idea this is and how it would make a good story, he could be a famous write. Why not write it down? (hopefully - you will get more details on how his mind is working, as well as maybe deflect him down a different purpose path);</p><p></p><p>and </p><p></p><p>2) When he says things like, "Maybe dad would come and melt the bars with fire to get me out," you respond with, "I'm sorry, dear, but if you're in jail because you broke the law, we must obey the law or we'll be in jail too. We can't get you out of jail if you've been put there for being bad - then we would be bad too."</p><p></p><p>If you treat this as hypothetical and expand the discussion with him, you may find out more about where this is really coming from. It may make it easier to identify the problem; the degree of the problem; and to get help early. Draw him out if you can.</p><p></p><p>And yes, let him know that you love him. You love his inventiveness and his ingenuity. You love his gentleness and kindness. Let him know that people do get angry sometimes but we have to learn to control that anger. We each make other people angry too, and if they reacted violently to every little thing we did, the world would be too violent a place to safely raise children.</p><p></p><p>With encouraging him to write stories, you are hopefully trying to help him find the border between fantasy and reality. And if it turns out that he really does have a talent, that could also help by giving him a positive focus.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying there could not be a serious problem, only that sometimes as parents we need to think laterally in our coping from day to day.</p><p></p><p>It's only an idea, it may not work. But I hope it does.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 9060, member: 1991"] I don't want to upset people who have had to deal with terrifying situations, but I have a different view. While I do agree that you should tell the therapist, you need to handle this sort of thing as it crops up. And if you react with shock, horror and fear, you could be giving him some power - "wow, if I say these things I get attention. They're scared of me when I talk like this and I like how that feels, especially when I'm angry." I would respond in two ways: 1) Comment on how unusual an idea this is and how it would make a good story, he could be a famous write. Why not write it down? (hopefully - you will get more details on how his mind is working, as well as maybe deflect him down a different purpose path); and 2) When he says things like, "Maybe dad would come and melt the bars with fire to get me out," you respond with, "I'm sorry, dear, but if you're in jail because you broke the law, we must obey the law or we'll be in jail too. We can't get you out of jail if you've been put there for being bad - then we would be bad too." If you treat this as hypothetical and expand the discussion with him, you may find out more about where this is really coming from. It may make it easier to identify the problem; the degree of the problem; and to get help early. Draw him out if you can. And yes, let him know that you love him. You love his inventiveness and his ingenuity. You love his gentleness and kindness. Let him know that people do get angry sometimes but we have to learn to control that anger. We each make other people angry too, and if they reacted violently to every little thing we did, the world would be too violent a place to safely raise children. With encouraging him to write stories, you are hopefully trying to help him find the border between fantasy and reality. And if it turns out that he really does have a talent, that could also help by giving him a positive focus. I'm not saying there could not be a serious problem, only that sometimes as parents we need to think laterally in our coping from day to day. It's only an idea, it may not work. But I hope it does. Marg [/QUOTE]
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