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Feeling strong-armed by your loved one?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 408807"><p>Star makes some very good points. I work in the area of domestic violence and it was a real shock to me that I had DV in my home with my son. The difference between dealing with abuse with an adult child, vs a partner, is that for most of us it is impossible to really walk away and totally leave our child. What I realized, and am still realizing, is that I don't need to turn my back on my son but I do need to set clear boundaries and flat out not accept abuse from him. Our current stand is we will help him with his recovery if he is doing the work... we will not support in any way him using drugs or being abusive to us. So we are currently supporting him financially as he looks for a job.. we did support him going to rehab. We will continue to help him in this way. We will not have him come and live at home and I don't think we will help him financially to move back here and live on his own because we know he will get back into the same old groove.</p><p></p><p>So yes when your daughter gets abusive in any way to any of you walk away and shut the door for the moment. Does not have to be forever, but you do not need to sit there and take it. If she calls you and starts berating you or calling you names hang up the phone and if she calls back don't answer. You do not need to pick her up, especially if she is high or drunk. If she comes to the house making demands do call the police... believe me the police get calls like this all the time. If she comes to you and says she needs help and is willing to do some work to help herself, then by all means be there for her. Sometimes I think we look at it as all or nothing and it really is not. It is about boundaries boundaries boundaries.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 408807"] Star makes some very good points. I work in the area of domestic violence and it was a real shock to me that I had DV in my home with my son. The difference between dealing with abuse with an adult child, vs a partner, is that for most of us it is impossible to really walk away and totally leave our child. What I realized, and am still realizing, is that I don't need to turn my back on my son but I do need to set clear boundaries and flat out not accept abuse from him. Our current stand is we will help him with his recovery if he is doing the work... we will not support in any way him using drugs or being abusive to us. So we are currently supporting him financially as he looks for a job.. we did support him going to rehab. We will continue to help him in this way. We will not have him come and live at home and I don't think we will help him financially to move back here and live on his own because we know he will get back into the same old groove. So yes when your daughter gets abusive in any way to any of you walk away and shut the door for the moment. Does not have to be forever, but you do not need to sit there and take it. If she calls you and starts berating you or calling you names hang up the phone and if she calls back don't answer. You do not need to pick her up, especially if she is high or drunk. If she comes to the house making demands do call the police... believe me the police get calls like this all the time. If she comes to you and says she needs help and is willing to do some work to help herself, then by all means be there for her. Sometimes I think we look at it as all or nothing and it really is not. It is about boundaries boundaries boundaries. [/QUOTE]
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