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Fell off the Warrior Mom Wagon. I need help!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 533275" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Dashcat, if I were you, as I told before, enforce the safety rules first and foremost. </p><p></p><p>You told something about hypersexuality. It sounds that your daughter is very unstable. Hypersexuality is quite alarming, and it worthes to get your daughter evaluated if it has not been done. Does she see a psychiatrist ? </p><p>Is she under medications ? </p><p></p><p>The priority is your daughter's safety. It sounds that your daughter self medicates her symptoms with alcohol, which only worsens the problem. </p><p></p><p>So in my opinion, before even enforcing chores, your monitoring the curfew comes first, way before chores. </p><p>But in order to hit the alcohol, drugs and hypersexuality, you need to make mandatory for your daughter to see a psychiatrist. </p><p>She sounds very unstable right now, she takes a lot of risks with pleasant activities and it can lead to catastrophe. </p><p></p><p>Susiestar, I agree with most of what you say. But I think that the "fault" is unstabiity. I don't say that it excuses her behavior, but it explains it, and a whole lot. It is not "she does not want to follow rules to make home life a misery", but she really cannot help it right now. So we have to set up a structure where she is protected from herself and her own hazards she cannot control. </p><p>However, I would go to the point where dashcat has to set different rules for stability and unstability. I know it is against your values, that everyone has to be held accountable for actions etc etc.... but it does not sound me realistic. </p><p>During instability, I really think that dashcat must forbid going out at night. For her daughter's safety, because her daughter is too unstable to make sound judgment, she will take drugs, alcohol, she risks to drunk drive etc etc... So as dashcat's daughter is unable to protect from those risks by herself, dashcat must do it for her daughter (no matter how overage her daughter is). And medical care has to be put in place, of course.</p><p>That would be the first and foremost priorities. </p><p>I know again that your value is for a difficult child to become independent, but a difficult child cannot become independent when a mental illness is not cared, at least somehow stabilized. A job can always be found when someone is stable. Someone can be independent when health is somehow set up, or independence will come and fall apart earlier or later. I learnt it the harsh way. </p><p></p><p>So dashcat, before even thinking about chores, as your daughter sounds very unstable at the moment, your first priority has to protect your daughter from her own unstability and helping her having medical care in order to let her reach stability. The first priority right now is her health and safety. The rest will come after. Now, she is unstable and she does not have as much insight as you would wish. </p><p>For me, she mustn't go outside at night when she is unstable. Period. End of discussion. If she has a driving license and a car, take keys and driving license. If she is unstable as she is, she will certainly drive recklessly. Someone with a psychiatric condition cannot drive when the condition is not under control/unstable, and it sounds that your daughter is extremely unstable. An accident can happen even during the day when someone is unstable. </p><p>In the meantime, help her to get the medical care she needs, so the right diagnosis and the right care. It has to be mandatory to make life at home possible. </p><p>To come about curfew, no outing at night, no car keys, no driving at all. For her own safety.</p><p></p><p>After, when she reaches stability, you can think about her going home the evening, chores, whatever you wish....</p><p>She is slipping into a huge instability. Chores, job etc etc... is something you can wish when she is stable. Now she is not at all. Your first and foremost priority has to be her health and safety at the moment. Her safety here means forbidding her to put herself in situation where she runs serious risks, because she won't be able to think about these risks currently. She needs someone to do it for her, as she cannot do it by herself. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Take care</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 533275, member: 14306"] Dashcat, if I were you, as I told before, enforce the safety rules first and foremost. You told something about hypersexuality. It sounds that your daughter is very unstable. Hypersexuality is quite alarming, and it worthes to get your daughter evaluated if it has not been done. Does she see a psychiatrist ? Is she under medications ? The priority is your daughter's safety. It sounds that your daughter self medicates her symptoms with alcohol, which only worsens the problem. So in my opinion, before even enforcing chores, your monitoring the curfew comes first, way before chores. But in order to hit the alcohol, drugs and hypersexuality, you need to make mandatory for your daughter to see a psychiatrist. She sounds very unstable right now, she takes a lot of risks with pleasant activities and it can lead to catastrophe. Susiestar, I agree with most of what you say. But I think that the "fault" is unstabiity. I don't say that it excuses her behavior, but it explains it, and a whole lot. It is not "she does not want to follow rules to make home life a misery", but she really cannot help it right now. So we have to set up a structure where she is protected from herself and her own hazards she cannot control. However, I would go to the point where dashcat has to set different rules for stability and unstability. I know it is against your values, that everyone has to be held accountable for actions etc etc.... but it does not sound me realistic. During instability, I really think that dashcat must forbid going out at night. For her daughter's safety, because her daughter is too unstable to make sound judgment, she will take drugs, alcohol, she risks to drunk drive etc etc... So as dashcat's daughter is unable to protect from those risks by herself, dashcat must do it for her daughter (no matter how overage her daughter is). And medical care has to be put in place, of course. That would be the first and foremost priorities. I know again that your value is for a difficult child to become independent, but a difficult child cannot become independent when a mental illness is not cared, at least somehow stabilized. A job can always be found when someone is stable. Someone can be independent when health is somehow set up, or independence will come and fall apart earlier or later. I learnt it the harsh way. So dashcat, before even thinking about chores, as your daughter sounds very unstable at the moment, your first priority has to protect your daughter from her own unstability and helping her having medical care in order to let her reach stability. The first priority right now is her health and safety. The rest will come after. Now, she is unstable and she does not have as much insight as you would wish. For me, she mustn't go outside at night when she is unstable. Period. End of discussion. If she has a driving license and a car, take keys and driving license. If she is unstable as she is, she will certainly drive recklessly. Someone with a psychiatric condition cannot drive when the condition is not under control/unstable, and it sounds that your daughter is extremely unstable. An accident can happen even during the day when someone is unstable. In the meantime, help her to get the medical care she needs, so the right diagnosis and the right care. It has to be mandatory to make life at home possible. To come about curfew, no outing at night, no car keys, no driving at all. For her own safety. After, when she reaches stability, you can think about her going home the evening, chores, whatever you wish.... She is slipping into a huge instability. Chores, job etc etc... is something you can wish when she is stable. Now she is not at all. Your first and foremost priority has to be her health and safety at the moment. Her safety here means forbidding her to put herself in situation where she runs serious risks, because she won't be able to think about these risks currently. She needs someone to do it for her, as she cannot do it by herself. Take care [/QUOTE]
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