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Fell off the Warrior Mom Wagon. I need help!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 533381" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>Star and Upal, I agree with your concerns. I agree that dashcat's daughter needs to seek help. I know that it upsets dashcat. My own instability upsetted my mom. </p><p></p><p>I agree with Star about safety matters. I agree that at 21yo, normally, someone must seek help to get care. I know that you are "your home, your rules". There is a part of truth, of course. </p><p>However, I have to disagree with Star on certain points. I know that dashcat's daughter is 21yo, I know she is overage. But then, what do we do when a son/daughter is unable to be safe by himself/herself, not because she wants to make our life a misery, but because she is unable to make a sound judgment ? </p><p>Star, I understand and I admire the way you could leave at 16yo, have two full time jobs and pay everything by yourself. I raise my hat for it. But I acknowledge that what worked for you may not work for Dashcat's daughter, nor for dashcat's situation. </p><p>Also, as I said before, it is not because services for disabled people are available that dashcat's daughter can access them, nor that it will truly suit her needs. </p><p>Dashcat's daughter has a serious problem, we are sure. However, it's not by "your home, your rules" position that we can solve such a problem, at least not accompanied by means to get help. been there done that. I wish your statment were as simple as that, I wish it were the panacea to solve the problem. </p><p></p><p>What I say about monitoring dashcat's daughter is not "babysitting a 21 yo girl", but in such a situation, <em>I</em> can genuinely be concerned over her safety, over her ability to make sound judgment. So when I am in front of such a situation, I make sure the person is safe. Period. </p><p>It is not fighting over "rules are rules ; my home, my rules". My main concern is first and foremost safety and health, and when someone is unable to make a sound judgment, then, she needs an external brain to do it. The same way as I wear a hearing aid for my hearing impairment, or someone wears glasses to see better. </p><p>Here, I find normal for dashcat to monitor her daughter not because "she overdue babysits her", but because her daughter is such a situation that she is not safe. She is not safe because of her illness. </p><p>So to finish my opinion, I agree with Star about dashcat talking to her daughter and her concerns about safety, and that her daughter needs medical care. It is not such a question of "my home, my rules", but a question that her daughter needs help to stay safe. That she is concerned because she loves her daughter. </p><p></p><p>By experience, I know better and better how to manage my own periods of instability, and they become rarer and rarer over the time. But I still know that there are periods when I am unable to stay safe by myself. Again, it's not a question "my home, my rules", but a question of staying safe. </p><p>I know better to ask help to someone else when I feel I am becoming unsafe, but there are residual moments that I am not able to stay safe by myself. </p><p>Keeping me safe is not "undue babysitting because I lack willpower", but because I need this external brain in these moments to keep me safe. </p><p>Not all the time, but at some moments. </p><p></p><p>It is not a question of chronological age. Here, the question is developmental age. Here, I am more concerned over the daughter's safety, because here, broken rules are a question of safety for her daughter (and the mother).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 533381, member: 14306"] Star and Upal, I agree with your concerns. I agree that dashcat's daughter needs to seek help. I know that it upsets dashcat. My own instability upsetted my mom. I agree with Star about safety matters. I agree that at 21yo, normally, someone must seek help to get care. I know that you are "your home, your rules". There is a part of truth, of course. However, I have to disagree with Star on certain points. I know that dashcat's daughter is 21yo, I know she is overage. But then, what do we do when a son/daughter is unable to be safe by himself/herself, not because she wants to make our life a misery, but because she is unable to make a sound judgment ? Star, I understand and I admire the way you could leave at 16yo, have two full time jobs and pay everything by yourself. I raise my hat for it. But I acknowledge that what worked for you may not work for Dashcat's daughter, nor for dashcat's situation. Also, as I said before, it is not because services for disabled people are available that dashcat's daughter can access them, nor that it will truly suit her needs. Dashcat's daughter has a serious problem, we are sure. However, it's not by "your home, your rules" position that we can solve such a problem, at least not accompanied by means to get help. been there done that. I wish your statment were as simple as that, I wish it were the panacea to solve the problem. What I say about monitoring dashcat's daughter is not "babysitting a 21 yo girl", but in such a situation, [I]I[/I] can genuinely be concerned over her safety, over her ability to make sound judgment. So when I am in front of such a situation, I make sure the person is safe. Period. It is not fighting over "rules are rules ; my home, my rules". My main concern is first and foremost safety and health, and when someone is unable to make a sound judgment, then, she needs an external brain to do it. The same way as I wear a hearing aid for my hearing impairment, or someone wears glasses to see better. Here, I find normal for dashcat to monitor her daughter not because "she overdue babysits her", but because her daughter is such a situation that she is not safe. She is not safe because of her illness. So to finish my opinion, I agree with Star about dashcat talking to her daughter and her concerns about safety, and that her daughter needs medical care. It is not such a question of "my home, my rules", but a question that her daughter needs help to stay safe. That she is concerned because she loves her daughter. By experience, I know better and better how to manage my own periods of instability, and they become rarer and rarer over the time. But I still know that there are periods when I am unable to stay safe by myself. Again, it's not a question "my home, my rules", but a question of staying safe. I know better to ask help to someone else when I feel I am becoming unsafe, but there are residual moments that I am not able to stay safe by myself. Keeping me safe is not "undue babysitting because I lack willpower", but because I need this external brain in these moments to keep me safe. Not all the time, but at some moments. It is not a question of chronological age. Here, the question is developmental age. Here, I am more concerned over the daughter's safety, because here, broken rules are a question of safety for her daughter (and the mother). [/QUOTE]
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