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Finally broke and called an ambulance last night
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 411713" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I also wanted to add - that I don't want you to think that I am judging you in any way. This isn't what this board is ever about or our help to each other. I don't want you to be angry or frustrated or think "Oh wow if you were here it would be different. You have no idea" Because you're right - I don't have any idea about your situation per se. I DO have some idea of what living with difficult child's is like; actually a lot of what it's like and how badly it hurts, and the last thing you need when it seems like your own kid is falling apart is your support group holding up mirrors. That's not what I'm about at all. THIS is honest, straightforward, if you've been doing it this way and it hasn't been working this far - maybe this is why type suggestions - That's all. </p><p> </p><p>As far as your child punching you in the face REGARDLESS of how escalated the situation was or what led to that point? My thought on punishment would be this - Taking away a weekend of privledges or gameboy for punching me in the face? Or a toy, or anything like that? Not nearly enough. So what is? At this point you say he's nine years old? He's very much old enough to understand what happens should he be arrested for physical violence. If it's manifested itself to you - and the consequence was the removal of (insert what you took away) then what happens when he gets angry at school and pounds a classmate? They (school) remove him from school/suspend him? My son LIVED for that chance. It was like the minute he found out suspension and permanent suspension were on the table? Wow he was a walking boxer. So you have to be sure that your son understands that this hitting and physical violence are a LOT more serious NOW and the consequences are EXTREME. </p><p> </p><p>I think I would find out from a local law enforcement or sheriff if there is a way to have him shown Department of Juvenile Justice or at the least a local jail cell. Beg for it because most will tell you - they don't have the insurance or find out from your therapist if this is possible (most have connections to jails et al) and allow him the scared straight treatment. He's playing in a big boys world, punching his Mother in the face - he should get the big boy treatment......sooner than later. Sounds harsh - and it is - but so is punching his Mom in the fact - no matter what lack of coping skills he has at his age and for his disability - HITTING is NEVER an option. Getting anger management skills through therapy? Yes - Hitting No. Seeing where he's going to end up if he doesn't get control over his anger? Yes - Removing weekend privledges? He couldn't care less. Trust me - These guys are experts at waiting things out. </p><p> </p><p>Also when I suggested therapy for you? It was not just because you lost control in the park - it's because you NEED someone to help you with HIM - these kids are smart and they always seem one step ahead of us. If you have an adult with therapeutic knowledge of the workings of these minds? It may just give you an insight as to what is going on - and keep you just a 1/2 step ahead - helps you level the playing field and for maybe just a part of the week - you get to be ( ) much ahead of his game. That makes you feel a little better - better than feeling like you are being outsmarted by a nine year old anyway. And you really should NOT be using your family, significant other or co-workers & friends to complain about your son (if you are) it alienates us from them and you end up isolated. Your therapist is your complaining buddy - once a week - you go in- blow it out your nose about how the kid is, how life is unfair, how awful the co-workers are - whatever - and then you plan strategy for the next week. It helps a TON. I hated it at first then got to where I looked forward to MY HOUR. It was ONE hour where someone just paid attention to ME - and helped ME - and listened to MY problems and nothing about THEM....it was nice. Took some getting used to but it was helpful. </p><p> </p><p>So in closing here - do not ever think - you're being judged. I thought about this last night and wondered if you read this and though - OH great here I am needing help and this is what I get? Judged, criticized.....great. Not at all. Sometimes i guess I've been advocating for our kids for so long - that it's still very much a part of who I am more so than for the adult - so if it came off any other way? Not what I meant. You are a great Mom. If you were anything less than super? You wouldn't be here looking for help. Here to help - really, really --</p><p> </p><p>Hugs -</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 411713, member: 4964"] I also wanted to add - that I don't want you to think that I am judging you in any way. This isn't what this board is ever about or our help to each other. I don't want you to be angry or frustrated or think "Oh wow if you were here it would be different. You have no idea" Because you're right - I don't have any idea about your situation per se. I DO have some idea of what living with difficult child's is like; actually a lot of what it's like and how badly it hurts, and the last thing you need when it seems like your own kid is falling apart is your support group holding up mirrors. That's not what I'm about at all. THIS is honest, straightforward, if you've been doing it this way and it hasn't been working this far - maybe this is why type suggestions - That's all. As far as your child punching you in the face REGARDLESS of how escalated the situation was or what led to that point? My thought on punishment would be this - Taking away a weekend of privledges or gameboy for punching me in the face? Or a toy, or anything like that? Not nearly enough. So what is? At this point you say he's nine years old? He's very much old enough to understand what happens should he be arrested for physical violence. If it's manifested itself to you - and the consequence was the removal of (insert what you took away) then what happens when he gets angry at school and pounds a classmate? They (school) remove him from school/suspend him? My son LIVED for that chance. It was like the minute he found out suspension and permanent suspension were on the table? Wow he was a walking boxer. So you have to be sure that your son understands that this hitting and physical violence are a LOT more serious NOW and the consequences are EXTREME. I think I would find out from a local law enforcement or sheriff if there is a way to have him shown Department of Juvenile Justice or at the least a local jail cell. Beg for it because most will tell you - they don't have the insurance or find out from your therapist if this is possible (most have connections to jails et al) and allow him the scared straight treatment. He's playing in a big boys world, punching his Mother in the face - he should get the big boy treatment......sooner than later. Sounds harsh - and it is - but so is punching his Mom in the fact - no matter what lack of coping skills he has at his age and for his disability - HITTING is NEVER an option. Getting anger management skills through therapy? Yes - Hitting No. Seeing where he's going to end up if he doesn't get control over his anger? Yes - Removing weekend privledges? He couldn't care less. Trust me - These guys are experts at waiting things out. Also when I suggested therapy for you? It was not just because you lost control in the park - it's because you NEED someone to help you with HIM - these kids are smart and they always seem one step ahead of us. If you have an adult with therapeutic knowledge of the workings of these minds? It may just give you an insight as to what is going on - and keep you just a 1/2 step ahead - helps you level the playing field and for maybe just a part of the week - you get to be ( ) much ahead of his game. That makes you feel a little better - better than feeling like you are being outsmarted by a nine year old anyway. And you really should NOT be using your family, significant other or co-workers & friends to complain about your son (if you are) it alienates us from them and you end up isolated. Your therapist is your complaining buddy - once a week - you go in- blow it out your nose about how the kid is, how life is unfair, how awful the co-workers are - whatever - and then you plan strategy for the next week. It helps a TON. I hated it at first then got to where I looked forward to MY HOUR. It was ONE hour where someone just paid attention to ME - and helped ME - and listened to MY problems and nothing about THEM....it was nice. Took some getting used to but it was helpful. So in closing here - do not ever think - you're being judged. I thought about this last night and wondered if you read this and though - OH great here I am needing help and this is what I get? Judged, criticized.....great. Not at all. Sometimes i guess I've been advocating for our kids for so long - that it's still very much a part of who I am more so than for the adult - so if it came off any other way? Not what I meant. You are a great Mom. If you were anything less than super? You wouldn't be here looking for help. Here to help - really, really -- Hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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