Finally Some Insight....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Oct 30, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello all--

    As many of you know, husband and I have been feeling as though we are talking to a wall when we've been asking for help from our mental health system.

    Today, I attended difficult child's counseling session (usually it's just difficult child and therapist)...AND because of some of the topics being discussed in recent threads, I thought to ask the therapist about the "goals" they had been trying to accomplish.

    Turns out that therapist and difficult child had set a few goals for therapy almost two years ago now...and the initial expectation was that measurable progress should be made within six months....and here we are in the exact same position--no closer to accomplishing or changing anything than when difficult child started with this mental health agency. difficult child has been refusing to participate in therapy and simply says whatever she thinks therapist wants to hear at the time.

    Meanwhile, even though husband and I have been pushing for more services, it has been determined that difficult child doesn't really qualify for more services in comparison to the other kids on the waiting lists. therapist suggested that this is because husband and I have been so hyper-vigilant trying to keep difficult child out of trouble, that difficult child simply does not have the police record to accompany her transgressions. Whereas if we'd been a little more lax in our parenting and let difficult child get picked up a few times by police or had pressed charges whenever she became physical in our home--we might be in a better position to get help. parents, it seems that we're darned if we do and darned if we don't.

    Has anyone else been faced with this dilemma?

    If it weren't so darned dangerous, we'd be happy to let difficult child "run wild" for a couple of weeks if it meant we could get more assistance managing her behaviors--but knowing that she likes to hang out with older boys, and seems willing to accept rides from strangers and has no concept of "dangerous" or "unsafe", the odds are too high that difficult child will get herself seriously injured or killed.

    Meanwhile, now that she is back at school after her stay at psychiatric hospital, the school is contemplating the consequences for difficult child skipping classes and fooling around on school property. So far it seems like they are discussing suspension and/or expulsion.


  2. jal

    jal Member


    I know I responded on your other thread re: services and I do not know who you are trying to get the services from, but did you call your Department of Children and Families and find out if they have a Voluntary Services division? My difficult child was 6 when we started services and he doesn't have a police record or has never been expelled from school. I know you mentioned you needed a diagnosis to get services. Did you get anything in the release information from her stay at psychiatric hospital? Our difficult child had a diagnosis of mood dis-nox and a rule out of BiPolar (BP).

    I guess I am a little confused as to if my state is the only one that has this? I have mentioned it a few times on here and I haven't seen anyone else use voluntary services. (I could be wrong, but it doesn't ring a bell). Where we live we just called and said we needed help with our difficult child. We were also in the process of ruling out a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) diagnosis, so I don't know if that was part of the reason we were excepted. I guess I am just amazed and saddened that so many don't have access to the support we received.

    We have been weaving our way through this with our difficult child for almost 5 years now. I am not an expert. I must say I recognized too, that husband & I have been very lucky in the help we have received through voluntary and in-home and in the 100% cooperation of our school district. I read here of the many frustrations that many face on a daily basis on both ends. So for what we have been given I know we were blessed. I know that there was a time where I didn't know where to turn. The Voluntary Services was something I put off calling for over a year because it was under DCF (but there is a difference between voluntary and involuntary). Finally, when things got worse we had no choice. Out of a lot that we had done they were one of the bright spots.

    I apologize if I am missing something here.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    No, you are not missing anything (any more than I am, I guess...)

    One of the problems we are faced with is that our county has a very limited number of services available to Medicaid patients....and with our current financial situation, private pay is just not an option at this point.

    Child and Family Services, as well as our pediatrician, could only refer us to the county mental health agency as they are the only ones who accept Medicaid.

    There IS a program that makes additional services available to families....but qualifications are strict, only the most "severe" cases are accepted and even then, the waiting list is a mile long. We'd like to get difficult child on the list, but she unless she is considered "severely impaired"--she will not qualify.

    So that is our "rock" and allowing her to rack up a police record is the "hard place".

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    been there done that.

    When Wiz was 10 we kept a close eye on him. He was violent at home and we knew many things he had done simply because he did not see why he shouldn't do what he wanted just like an adult (like crossing 2 busy 4 lane roads alone after signing himself out of after school care in kindergarten. He wanted to rent a movie.) .

    After we moved to OK, we got pretty desperate for some help with and for him. He had never been in trouble with the law because we chaperoned him and/or knew where he was all the time. I always thought you were SUPPOSED to do that if you were the parent of a child that age.

    Apparently, if your child is to ever need services, you are supposed to not keep an eye on them for safety and supervision. Who'da thunk it?

    Even the middle school resource officer (cop) said we needed to let him go wander around town for hours on end so he would get picked up and then the courts could help us.

    Same time, the cop told us that if he was picked up more than a few blocks from our home then WE would be charged for neglect. So we had to risk many types of legal problems if we didn't supervise him appropriately but we couldn't get help for him because he was not in trouble with the law.

    There is no winning. Just isn't. Sorry.