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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 495804" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I know you all have experience with calloused adults and professionals with an agenda. I probably mentioned this story years back, but not in any depth because it just never made sense to me, other than it was just plain cruelty. And I'll never understand cruelty for cruelty's sake.</p><p></p><p>Lauren lived with me from birth to aged 9 months. Just about the time she started cruising and babbling. She had called me "Mama" a few times, but certainly not in a direct effort to call me her mother. Then her dad (the lawyer) her step-mom (the Child Welfare DA) with the help of Dr. C went to court and he got custody. Big surprise. They made me sound like a nut, and compared to them I certainly wasn't financially equipped to raise L the way that they could.</p><p></p><p>In a few months time, L was really talking and walking. When I went to pick her up for her visit she and her dad were out front of her house. I pulled up and her dad said "Look! Mommy Witzend is here!" L came running up to me and said "Hi, Mommy Witzend!" and gave me a big hug. I told him right then and there that she was never to call me that again, I am and always have been "Mommy." Right in front of L he told me that they had consulted with Dr. C and that since he and SM had a new baby of their own whom they would want to call SM "Mommy" it would be too confusing for L to call me "Mommy" and SM "Jane". They had consulted with Dr. C and Dr. C had advised them that L should know that Jane was "Mommy" because she was the one that loved her and was raising her and taking care of her, and I could be "Mommy Witzend" because L knows where babies come from and she came from my tummy and so I was a kind of mommy, just because I gave birth to her. But Jane was her "Mommy" because Jane was her real mommy. Dr. C even testified in court that she thought this was a good way to keep L from getting confused about familial relationships even though I was visiting L 3 times a week at that point.</p><p></p><p>Now, add to this - every time we have met L's fiance, in conversations where you would say something to the fiance like "Would you hand that to my mom?" or "When my mom and I..." L would get flustered and say "Would you hand that to - uh - her?" or When my - I did such and such with her". I even mentioned it at one point "It's better to refer to someone by their name, not "her" or "she"." I thought it was because she didn't know what it was that I wanted her fiance to call me. It would have been "Witzend" if I had been asked. I never held much truck with people calling their in-laws "Mom and Dad". There were also indications in more private conversations between L and I at that time that Dr. C had been over. What I'm getting out of this now is that L has been calling her "Mom" and that's why she didn't want to say "mom" to me in front of her fiance. Maybe it's a stretch, but I don't think it's a great stretch.</p><p></p><p>We'll send a gift. We'll sign it "Best wishes for your future from Mommy Witzend and husband." Some of you may think I need to hold my head high, but I'd rather they talk about me behind my back for something I really did (not go to her wedding) than talk to me in front of my back for something I really didn't do (abandon L or treat her badly).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 495804, member: 99"] I know you all have experience with calloused adults and professionals with an agenda. I probably mentioned this story years back, but not in any depth because it just never made sense to me, other than it was just plain cruelty. And I'll never understand cruelty for cruelty's sake. Lauren lived with me from birth to aged 9 months. Just about the time she started cruising and babbling. She had called me "Mama" a few times, but certainly not in a direct effort to call me her mother. Then her dad (the lawyer) her step-mom (the Child Welfare DA) with the help of Dr. C went to court and he got custody. Big surprise. They made me sound like a nut, and compared to them I certainly wasn't financially equipped to raise L the way that they could. In a few months time, L was really talking and walking. When I went to pick her up for her visit she and her dad were out front of her house. I pulled up and her dad said "Look! Mommy Witzend is here!" L came running up to me and said "Hi, Mommy Witzend!" and gave me a big hug. I told him right then and there that she was never to call me that again, I am and always have been "Mommy." Right in front of L he told me that they had consulted with Dr. C and that since he and SM had a new baby of their own whom they would want to call SM "Mommy" it would be too confusing for L to call me "Mommy" and SM "Jane". They had consulted with Dr. C and Dr. C had advised them that L should know that Jane was "Mommy" because she was the one that loved her and was raising her and taking care of her, and I could be "Mommy Witzend" because L knows where babies come from and she came from my tummy and so I was a kind of mommy, just because I gave birth to her. But Jane was her "Mommy" because Jane was her real mommy. Dr. C even testified in court that she thought this was a good way to keep L from getting confused about familial relationships even though I was visiting L 3 times a week at that point. Now, add to this - every time we have met L's fiance, in conversations where you would say something to the fiance like "Would you hand that to my mom?" or "When my mom and I..." L would get flustered and say "Would you hand that to - uh - her?" or When my - I did such and such with her". I even mentioned it at one point "It's better to refer to someone by their name, not "her" or "she"." I thought it was because she didn't know what it was that I wanted her fiance to call me. It would have been "Witzend" if I had been asked. I never held much truck with people calling their in-laws "Mom and Dad". There were also indications in more private conversations between L and I at that time that Dr. C had been over. What I'm getting out of this now is that L has been calling her "Mom" and that's why she didn't want to say "mom" to me in front of her fiance. Maybe it's a stretch, but I don't think it's a great stretch. We'll send a gift. We'll sign it "Best wishes for your future from Mommy Witzend and husband." Some of you may think I need to hold my head high, but I'd rather they talk about me behind my back for something I really did (not go to her wedding) than talk to me in front of my back for something I really didn't do (abandon L or treat her badly). [/QUOTE]
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