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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 496226" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>WItz, </p><p></p><p>Sorry I wasn't here for you from the get go. (apologies) - </p><p></p><p>First of all? I do NOT feel sorry for L. I don't feel any more sorry for an ADULT person that could make ADULT choices despite whatever has happened in their past. I realize THAT is a harsh statement for a Mother to hear, and one I certainly don't enjoy hearing when it comes to Dude these days. However -while she may not have had a choice as a child; she is and ADULT now and she HAS a choice. </p><p></p><p>It's incredible to me that over the years she HAS called you for this or that. She HAS made attempts to get in touch with you for whatever gain she could; whether it was monitary, or just to cause you pain. As Mothers I think a part of us must be disconnected - yet hard-wired to overlook all the hurt, and nasty words, name calling, and suggestions of 'look how you ruined my life'. Even today through all my therapy if something is said that even SUGGESTS mildy, in it's most innocent form that I 'was' not the Mother he wanted? I think to myself - "Oh perhaps he's right, and rehash the past until it makes me NUTS trying to justify WHY an ADULT offspring of mine is still so self-absorbed, narcissistic, and venomous about ALL the S.A.C.R.I.F.I.C.E.S. I made on his behalf. It cuts me like a hot knife through butter, and there isn't a THING you or anyone else can say to me to make me 100% convinced I really was an EXCELLENT Mother, fighting against the system and enormous odds always stacked against me. You can try - but it's futile...that small part of me always WANTS to own his grief. The rest of me wants to kick me in the **** and jerk out my heart, and have a brain exam. </p><p></p><p>Maybe a good question to ask L - or rather a statement to make TO L.....would be - "I like very much how your bio-father taught you maturation, forgiveness, and compassion. He and doctor C did a great job raising you up to be a self-centered, cry-baby who can't seem to put her past behind her and is NOW moving forward like a mature woman to someday raise kids of her own. I'm sure you'll pass your values on to them and when you do? God help your heart. I hope someday you'll find it in yourself to forgive your <u><strong>Father.</strong></u> I did nothing wrong. Until you become a Mother? You'll NEVER understand." </p><p></p><p>As for your x? There are just no words suitable to call him a name of anything but cruel. Not hard to see where L gets THAT from. Bravo to him for "being a #()(* back then - because unbeknown to him? My house thinks he still is. ANd a big one at that. </p><p></p><p>I wish I had words to heal your broken heart my dear. I'd certainly say them over and over to you if I thought it would help. Just know that YOU ARE an excellent Mother, I admire you constantly for your gift of friendship, and if you are 1/10th the Mother that you are friend? You're daughter is blessed. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Hugs & Love </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 496226, member: 4964"] WItz, Sorry I wasn't here for you from the get go. (apologies) - First of all? I do NOT feel sorry for L. I don't feel any more sorry for an ADULT person that could make ADULT choices despite whatever has happened in their past. I realize THAT is a harsh statement for a Mother to hear, and one I certainly don't enjoy hearing when it comes to Dude these days. However -while she may not have had a choice as a child; she is and ADULT now and she HAS a choice. It's incredible to me that over the years she HAS called you for this or that. She HAS made attempts to get in touch with you for whatever gain she could; whether it was monitary, or just to cause you pain. As Mothers I think a part of us must be disconnected - yet hard-wired to overlook all the hurt, and nasty words, name calling, and suggestions of 'look how you ruined my life'. Even today through all my therapy if something is said that even SUGGESTS mildy, in it's most innocent form that I 'was' not the Mother he wanted? I think to myself - "Oh perhaps he's right, and rehash the past until it makes me NUTS trying to justify WHY an ADULT offspring of mine is still so self-absorbed, narcissistic, and venomous about ALL the S.A.C.R.I.F.I.C.E.S. I made on his behalf. It cuts me like a hot knife through butter, and there isn't a THING you or anyone else can say to me to make me 100% convinced I really was an EXCELLENT Mother, fighting against the system and enormous odds always stacked against me. You can try - but it's futile...that small part of me always WANTS to own his grief. The rest of me wants to kick me in the **** and jerk out my heart, and have a brain exam. Maybe a good question to ask L - or rather a statement to make TO L.....would be - "I like very much how your bio-father taught you maturation, forgiveness, and compassion. He and doctor C did a great job raising you up to be a self-centered, cry-baby who can't seem to put her past behind her and is NOW moving forward like a mature woman to someday raise kids of her own. I'm sure you'll pass your values on to them and when you do? God help your heart. I hope someday you'll find it in yourself to forgive your [U][B]Father.[/B][/U] I did nothing wrong. Until you become a Mother? You'll NEVER understand." As for your x? There are just no words suitable to call him a name of anything but cruel. Not hard to see where L gets THAT from. Bravo to him for "being a #()(* back then - because unbeknown to him? My house thinks he still is. ANd a big one at that. I wish I had words to heal your broken heart my dear. I'd certainly say them over and over to you if I thought it would help. Just know that YOU ARE an excellent Mother, I admire you constantly for your gift of friendship, and if you are 1/10th the Mother that you are friend? You're daughter is blessed. Hugs & Love Star [/QUOTE]
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