BusynMember
Well-Known Member
I'm throwing this out at you guys because you all have such good advice and common sense. I realize that this is *my* problem, but I need some good words of wisdom on how to not let it bother me. The last thing I want is for my daughter to KNOW that his bothers me because I don't want her to feel forced into this step just to please me. So far I've been very good at biting my tongue, but I'd like to get suggestions on how to just let it go completely so that I do not slip up in the future.
Jumper is beautiful, popular and has more friends than all her other siblings combined. She is very very well liked and loves to hang with the boys because she has a lot in common with them (she is an athlete). However, she has her share of female friends too. When she was a very small girl we adopted a boy who sexually abused her. She remembers it...she did not block it out and has no interest in sex...always says she will not have sex until she marries.
Although Jumper has gone to homecoming and this year to prom with dates, she will not actually go out with anybody. She makes it clear to everyone that the boys are just her good friends and nothing beyond that. She always says she has too much going on to bother with a boyfriend. I think a lot of this goes back to the sexual abuse, but I'm not sure. She is almost fifteen and I know she's young and that many parents would be thrilled to have a girl who is not boy crazy or at all interested in sex...so why does it bother me that she has never had a boyfriend? Or just a date? I feel like she is missing out on some fun...most of her friends have boyfriends. She claims most are not sexually active either. Her group of friends is also anti-drug and they don't get into trouble. She does not seem jealous of her friends who have boyfriends. What's wrong with ME? Why do I want her to have one (and the problems that go with it)???
So please tell me how stupid I am for wanting this for her. She has a full life...sleepovers with her friends every weekend, one sport after another, and she does go to her school's special events. I guess maybe I"m thinking that because of the sexual abuse perhaps she will always shy away from boys in THAT way.
I admit I feel guilty that she was sexually abused in our house by a child WE brought into the house who conned us and made us believe he was a good kid...haha (right!). When I see her shying away from boys, I feel like maybe it was my fault. Yet she seems perfectly happy...I'm so confused...
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Yet perhaps there is nothing to say at all. Maybe this is just a vent. But it's on my mind a lot and I would like to stop thinking about it.
Jumper is beautiful, popular and has more friends than all her other siblings combined. She is very very well liked and loves to hang with the boys because she has a lot in common with them (she is an athlete). However, she has her share of female friends too. When she was a very small girl we adopted a boy who sexually abused her. She remembers it...she did not block it out and has no interest in sex...always says she will not have sex until she marries.
Although Jumper has gone to homecoming and this year to prom with dates, she will not actually go out with anybody. She makes it clear to everyone that the boys are just her good friends and nothing beyond that. She always says she has too much going on to bother with a boyfriend. I think a lot of this goes back to the sexual abuse, but I'm not sure. She is almost fifteen and I know she's young and that many parents would be thrilled to have a girl who is not boy crazy or at all interested in sex...so why does it bother me that she has never had a boyfriend? Or just a date? I feel like she is missing out on some fun...most of her friends have boyfriends. She claims most are not sexually active either. Her group of friends is also anti-drug and they don't get into trouble. She does not seem jealous of her friends who have boyfriends. What's wrong with ME? Why do I want her to have one (and the problems that go with it)???
So please tell me how stupid I am for wanting this for her. She has a full life...sleepovers with her friends every weekend, one sport after another, and she does go to her school's special events. I guess maybe I"m thinking that because of the sexual abuse perhaps she will always shy away from boys in THAT way.
I admit I feel guilty that she was sexually abused in our house by a child WE brought into the house who conned us and made us believe he was a good kid...haha (right!). When I see her shying away from boys, I feel like maybe it was my fault. Yet she seems perfectly happy...I'm so confused...
Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Yet perhaps there is nothing to say at all. Maybe this is just a vent. But it's on my mind a lot and I would like to stop thinking about it.