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Forgiving others vs forgiving yourself
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 409793" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Steely hon, been there done that. The hardest thing I've ever done. Forgiving others for what they did to me? Hard as hades and it took quite a very long time. Forgiving myself for things I did before I escaped the situation? That was major tough, the hardest thing ever. Forgiving them doesn't mean forgetting.........Doesn't mean that I don't hold them responsible. Just means it is in the past and I know I will never allow myself to be a victim again, enabling me to let it go and move forward.</p><p></p><p>We are hardest on ourselves. </p><p></p><p>The reason you are struggling so hard with forgiving yourself? Is because you're no longer that person and so you can't understand how on earth you made those choices.</p><p></p><p>I also used writing as a form of therapy and the story I wrote was in novel form. Mine is so bad I had to make up the main character, although I knew it was me. ugh And while it can be healing? It can also be overwhelming and extremely painful as you link one memory to the next, most of the memories no one would honestly ever want to remember. Somewhere along the line though I realized <strong>how much I'd changed</strong> from the person I'd been in those days. Almost as if I've lived 2 separate lives the difference is so vast. Then? I grieved terribly for the person I'd been and how much damage had been done.......and I let her go. Very similar to grieving a much loved family member. I'm not sure if I "forgave" her per se, but I did make peace with her. Which to me is more important. </p><p></p><p>Then that enormous "novel" was burned. It had served it's purpose. I can talk about my childhood without it dragging up any of the old emotions ect. I have healed.</p><p></p><p>I think in this everyone is different depending on their own situations. I had already done a great deal of therapy before attempting to write it down to work through it, and still there were periods where is was like wading through hades. </p><p></p><p>But try to remember when you're being overly hard on yourself, if you were still the person you were back then........you wouldn't be where you are now. You made mistakes, you've worked hard to correct them. No one can ask more of you, not even yourself.</p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 409793, member: 84"] Steely hon, been there done that. The hardest thing I've ever done. Forgiving others for what they did to me? Hard as hades and it took quite a very long time. Forgiving myself for things I did before I escaped the situation? That was major tough, the hardest thing ever. Forgiving them doesn't mean forgetting.........Doesn't mean that I don't hold them responsible. Just means it is in the past and I know I will never allow myself to be a victim again, enabling me to let it go and move forward. We are hardest on ourselves. The reason you are struggling so hard with forgiving yourself? Is because you're no longer that person and so you can't understand how on earth you made those choices. I also used writing as a form of therapy and the story I wrote was in novel form. Mine is so bad I had to make up the main character, although I knew it was me. ugh And while it can be healing? It can also be overwhelming and extremely painful as you link one memory to the next, most of the memories no one would honestly ever want to remember. Somewhere along the line though I realized [B]how much I'd changed[/B] from the person I'd been in those days. Almost as if I've lived 2 separate lives the difference is so vast. Then? I grieved terribly for the person I'd been and how much damage had been done.......and I let her go. Very similar to grieving a much loved family member. I'm not sure if I "forgave" her per se, but I did make peace with her. Which to me is more important. Then that enormous "novel" was burned. It had served it's purpose. I can talk about my childhood without it dragging up any of the old emotions ect. I have healed. I think in this everyone is different depending on their own situations. I had already done a great deal of therapy before attempting to write it down to work through it, and still there were periods where is was like wading through hades. But try to remember when you're being overly hard on yourself, if you were still the person you were back then........you wouldn't be where you are now. You made mistakes, you've worked hard to correct them. No one can ask more of you, not even yourself. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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Forgiving others vs forgiving yourself
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