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Forgiving others vs forgiving yourself
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 410059" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Steely....I still look back and know that some of the things that have made me the way I am, such as my borderline diagnosis, happened because of the things my mother did to me. I also know that my PTSD stems from the rape that happened 30 years ago. I remember it clearly. I know I did many things wrong to my kids because I emulated my mother because that was the only parenting figure I had to go by. Many times I heard her voice coming out of my mouth and I was instantly appalled and shaken. I really worked hard to break those habits young because I didnt want my kids to grow up like me but sometimes I did fail. I apologized to my kids when they were adults for all the things I did to them when they were younger. I explained my childhood and I explained the fact that I had bipolar but that it wasnt dxd until I was in my late 30's and I wished it had been sooner so I could have been a better mom to them. I will always feel a bit of guilt over this. However, I cant go back and change any of this. They can choose to forgive me and go on or they can choose to use this as a crutch. Mine have forgiven me. If my mom had ever asked for forgiveness I would have jumped at the chance. That would have been all it would have taken for me...just for her to have admitted she made mistakes and she was sorry. She never did. In her mind she was perfect and I was the problem. </p><p></p><p>I dont think dwelling on the past does much good. We have enough stuff going on right now that we have to deal with. I dont think we can ever truly put away the past because it is a part of us but we have to also work on what is going on right now. Our past does influence how we handle what is happening right now though. I know I dont trust easily because of my past. I have to make a conscious decision to decide that I am dealing with the here and now and not something from a past event. I think that is something you need to work on. Deciding if you are working on issues that are related to a past event or a current event.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 410059, member: 1514"] Steely....I still look back and know that some of the things that have made me the way I am, such as my borderline diagnosis, happened because of the things my mother did to me. I also know that my PTSD stems from the rape that happened 30 years ago. I remember it clearly. I know I did many things wrong to my kids because I emulated my mother because that was the only parenting figure I had to go by. Many times I heard her voice coming out of my mouth and I was instantly appalled and shaken. I really worked hard to break those habits young because I didnt want my kids to grow up like me but sometimes I did fail. I apologized to my kids when they were adults for all the things I did to them when they were younger. I explained my childhood and I explained the fact that I had bipolar but that it wasnt dxd until I was in my late 30's and I wished it had been sooner so I could have been a better mom to them. I will always feel a bit of guilt over this. However, I cant go back and change any of this. They can choose to forgive me and go on or they can choose to use this as a crutch. Mine have forgiven me. If my mom had ever asked for forgiveness I would have jumped at the chance. That would have been all it would have taken for me...just for her to have admitted she made mistakes and she was sorry. She never did. In her mind she was perfect and I was the problem. I dont think dwelling on the past does much good. We have enough stuff going on right now that we have to deal with. I dont think we can ever truly put away the past because it is a part of us but we have to also work on what is going on right now. Our past does influence how we handle what is happening right now though. I know I dont trust easily because of my past. I have to make a conscious decision to decide that I am dealing with the here and now and not something from a past event. I think that is something you need to work on. Deciding if you are working on issues that are related to a past event or a current event. [/QUOTE]
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Forgiving others vs forgiving yourself
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