Found her

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by exhausted, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I usually don't post a whole lot about difficult child in this forum because I am sometimes affraid of shocking moms with younger children. But the teen forum does not get much traffic and I do appreciate the responses I and support I get from people so I will post here. Seems many others do the same.
    Background my difficult child is up to her old stuff. Despite not running off for many weeks, she did yesterday. Despite not stealing from us for 4 weeks, she did. Despite not using marijuana for over a year, she did. Full relapse!

    So here is the text trail-

    difficult children friend(whom I called earlier to see if he knew anything about her whereabouts) "A___ is here"

    Me-"Thanks for letting me know" (I am about to get frantic as I can't track her and no FB trail either-only thing I know is she told another friend she was going to see her "baby"-we didn't even know she had a boyfriend.)

    difficult children friend-"Please come get her at 8"

    Me- " Why 8? (It is 4:25 at the time)She knows when she leaves without permission, she gets herself home."

    difficult children friend- "But its cold"

    me-"Yes it is. This is why I dont recommend leaving your warm home without permission, staying gone all night, and not having a ride home."

    difficult children friend-"We want to watch a movie"

    me-"P.S. It gets colder after the sun goes down"

    No response.
    I'm glad she is less than a mile away now and she is alive. But I have very little left in terms of parenting authority-I have to stick to my guns. We told her we would not transport if she ran off. Sometimes she has been over 30 miles away and this is time and money. And the nerve of her! We are here worrying and she wants to watch a movie?? difficult child-teenage frontal cortex malfunction alert!!
     
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Good for you! I hope the walk is very, very cold. How long until she turns 18???
     
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    LOL! I think JJJ must be counting the days like some of us others!
     
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Ten months, 6 days and 4 hours! Can we make it? Can we do what we need to do if she is still her little difficult child self?
     
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Glad you've found her, hope you're able to get her back where she should be without incident.
     
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Way to go sticking to your guns! To bad its not snowing here. I'm glad that you found her, that she is safe, and isn't far away. I does the amount of time between relapses increase? or does it not matter how much time goes by?

    Don't worry about shocking us. We can learn a lot from you.
     
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You can make it. I pray for the day in one way, but now that I am faced with the strong possibility that difficult child could be sent someplace where he will be forced to stay until he's 18 or older, my heart sinks at the thought. I'll probably wonder how on earth I could ever feel that way someday, but then I look at DJ's situation and I think there is a possibility that these difficult child's do get out of some of this when they get older. And if my son does, or really, even if he doesn't, I still am his mother, Know what I mean?? But boy, I most definitely understand your frustration and can sympathize with having to live from one crisis or panic or explosion to another. It must be the most difficult thing a parent can go thru. To think, I thought potty training and the terrible 2s were challenging.....little did I know...
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh WOW......Does she really have a baby?
    I know whereabouts you live, and yes it is very cold - but she will figure it out. Still - the nerve!!!
    HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>>
     
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I thought she was referring to a boyfriend when she said "baby"...can you clarify, exhausted?
     
  10. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Darn! It didn't snow- that weather lady said snow today didn't she Liahona? JJJ-it is at least pretty darn cold! And yes Haozi, I hope she gets here safe (she tried again for a ride-hope she is hoofing it). As for relapses...I dont know. I really dont think she has been ok after any treatment, just stopped one or 2 behaviors for a period of time. This is the longest she has been home with us since age 14. I really need to know more about relapse-did read a bit on line. They are common. According to the one site-we blew it. We should not have been mad when we spoke with her-but it was actually good in my opinion for husband to go off, it was his money(no small sum) she took. He seldom tells her how he feels. Klmno, I was so tired when they were young and wined about it-give me potty training, hours in the sand box, legos on the floor, a constantly messy house, and I will thank you for it all God! Darn hindsight!
     
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh my bad - K I re-read it - you are right - baby must have meant boyfriend.
    EXHausted - HUGS. Hang in there. I will all be OK. One way or another. It will.
     
  12. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Yep-baby means boyfriend. Yah, somehow by the grace of many gods we have avoided the real baby. As for boyfriend-I think it is just her latest toy-we've never met any of her so called boy friends. More likely booty-calls(oops-can I say that here?) I'm a bit sceptical and mean tonight!
    Thanks Steely-I'm hanging barely. This sight has kept me from the deap end today!
     
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im glad you found her and that she is safe.
     
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Post as much as you want- I've sure had my share of nights when I thought I'd burn the board up.
     
  15. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am with k, post as much as you need.

    As for scaring me? I was a difficult child at that age, you certainly are not gonna scare me.
     
  16. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I'm in tears-thank you. I have not been able to shed any for months. Trying to be strong and hold it all together.Thought I might burst today. Already feeling better. She has not come through the door yet. But I do know where she is.
     
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sometimes crying can help get some of it out, even though it hurts. It's better than holding it in. Was there opportunity for her to get support (I mean NA or AA or a prof therapist) when she was off the stuff before? Was she refusing to accept that? You're going to be ok here- she just needs the opportunity to get 'real' help then make her choice. If she's already done that- because I am aware that you have gone thru He!! and back with her already trying to get her help that turned out not to help much at all- then you have to somehow accept that she isn't ready for it. I know how hard that is. It is a daily battle for me. Sometimes it is debilitating for me. Being able to post here and get support and feedback helps. ((HUGS))
     
  18. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    She's home. Cold and looking horrid, but home. We have tried all the above-she is refusing anything but EMDR when she feels like it. She has an appointment this week-pray she goes. I'll try offering 12 step again. 7 in 7 would be great and I could go too with the holidays starting this next week.
     
  19. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am glad she is home, and glad you stuck to your guns. Cold is ok, she needs to have natural consequences. Hang in there, sometimes that is all we can do.
     
  20. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Is she able to return husband's money? Bigger question: Is she willing to return it?
     
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