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From Sociopath to Succcess ?
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<blockquote data-quote="PorcupineWhisperer" data-source="post: 274959" data-attributes="member: 62"><p>Nomad - Thanks for the feedback, Junior is not my adopted child, although I do catch myself feeling a little paternal from time to time <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. GFTN is turning out to be a really good book. I think any book or article that includes a lot of material from Dr. Bruce Perry has got to be good. </p><p></p><p>nvts - I understand just what you mean about the environment contributing to difficult child 1's outbursts. 'Jr', had the same issues only in his case, it was the staff's response to his behavior that caused him to escalate (he would break a rule - they would give a consequence - he would get more upset because of the consequence - they would give more consequences because he was escalating - the cycle would continue and was a regular occurrence). Very frustrating for all involved. </p><p>The short answer to 'how'd I do it' - it was VERY labor intensive. difficult child was / is a kid with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Because attachment to mom was insecure (he had threatened to kill her in her sleep many times -to quote him 'you'll never see it coming'), my focus of treatment initially was to create a 'surrogate ' attachment between he and I while I worked to repair the relationship between he and his mom. Like many Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) moms she was not 'in sync' with Jr., so she had to learn how to respond to both good and bad behaviors in a way that was likely to cause growth in their relationship instead of causing further distance. After dealing with the attachment stuff, addressing his assorted trauma issues was the next key. </p><p>In terms of being my best friend, I think everybody needs a BFF or two <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />. So, if you shoot me an email I'll try to offer you some ideas. </p><p>When I began working with difficult child at age 13 (he's now 15), we had some frank discussions about his possible future. We discussed the Homicidal Triad (of which he fit all three categories). In a more recent therapy session we reviewed a chapter from Peter Vronsky's book on serial killers. The chapter was called 'Serial Killers as Children; The Making of Monsters. In each of these discussions, Jr. stated 'that's not who I want to be.' So I think rather than me winning difficult child's life back for him, I think the key was that he decided early on that he was going to take his life back. by the way - thanks for the pat on the back, it's appreciated. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Christy - Thanks for the feedback. Your comments remind me of a brief discussion that difficult child and I had not too long ago after things had started to significantly improve for him. In between our talk of Naruto and Sour Patch Kids <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> , he was talking about the times when he used to self harm and tried to kill himself. He indicated that he engaged in those behaviors because he felt his life was so bad that he couldn't imagine that he had any purpose in life. I suggested to him that perhaps he and I had a 'shared' purpose to show others that kids like him could get better. I'm glad that difficult child's progress was able to offer a ray or two of hope to you. </p><p></p><p>Star - I'm going to look into this book. I've never ordered anything off the Amazon link, but this may very well be my first. Thanks for the tip!</p><p></p><p>Fran - difficult child's progress gives me hope as well. Because I work with some pretty ...umm... interesting kids <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> , it's reassuring that even some of the kids with the most severe problems can turn things around. At present, difficult child wants to be a chef and for the first time his mom and I don't cringe at the thought of him being around lots of sharp knives....<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="PorcupineWhisperer, post: 274959, member: 62"] Nomad - Thanks for the feedback, Junior is not my adopted child, although I do catch myself feeling a little paternal from time to time :). GFTN is turning out to be a really good book. I think any book or article that includes a lot of material from Dr. Bruce Perry has got to be good. nvts - I understand just what you mean about the environment contributing to difficult child 1's outbursts. 'Jr', had the same issues only in his case, it was the staff's response to his behavior that caused him to escalate (he would break a rule - they would give a consequence - he would get more upset because of the consequence - they would give more consequences because he was escalating - the cycle would continue and was a regular occurrence). Very frustrating for all involved. The short answer to 'how'd I do it' - it was VERY labor intensive. difficult child was / is a kid with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Because attachment to mom was insecure (he had threatened to kill her in her sleep many times -to quote him 'you'll never see it coming'), my focus of treatment initially was to create a 'surrogate ' attachment between he and I while I worked to repair the relationship between he and his mom. Like many Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) moms she was not 'in sync' with Jr., so she had to learn how to respond to both good and bad behaviors in a way that was likely to cause growth in their relationship instead of causing further distance. After dealing with the attachment stuff, addressing his assorted trauma issues was the next key. In terms of being my best friend, I think everybody needs a BFF or two :). So, if you shoot me an email I'll try to offer you some ideas. When I began working with difficult child at age 13 (he's now 15), we had some frank discussions about his possible future. We discussed the Homicidal Triad (of which he fit all three categories). In a more recent therapy session we reviewed a chapter from Peter Vronsky's book on serial killers. The chapter was called 'Serial Killers as Children; The Making of Monsters. In each of these discussions, Jr. stated 'that's not who I want to be.' So I think rather than me winning difficult child's life back for him, I think the key was that he decided early on that he was going to take his life back. by the way - thanks for the pat on the back, it's appreciated. :) Christy - Thanks for the feedback. Your comments remind me of a brief discussion that difficult child and I had not too long ago after things had started to significantly improve for him. In between our talk of Naruto and Sour Patch Kids :) , he was talking about the times when he used to self harm and tried to kill himself. He indicated that he engaged in those behaviors because he felt his life was so bad that he couldn't imagine that he had any purpose in life. I suggested to him that perhaps he and I had a 'shared' purpose to show others that kids like him could get better. I'm glad that difficult child's progress was able to offer a ray or two of hope to you. Star - I'm going to look into this book. I've never ordered anything off the Amazon link, but this may very well be my first. Thanks for the tip! Fran - difficult child's progress gives me hope as well. Because I work with some pretty ...umm... interesting kids :) , it's reassuring that even some of the kids with the most severe problems can turn things around. At present, difficult child wants to be a chef and for the first time his mom and I don't cringe at the thought of him being around lots of sharp knives....:) [/QUOTE]
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