Frustrated Mother

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Angel, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. Angel

    Angel New Member

    I am new to this site as of today. It was the first page that came up when I typed in the Google box, "parents with children+ADHD." We have a 4 yr. old boy and we believe he has ADHD. We are waiting for the hospital to give us an appointment to see a specialist. Until then, we just pray.

    I'm here today because I'm so frustrated with my child. I used to be able to walk away from him until I could get it together. I'm finding I can't do it anymore. He is such a good boy and so loving....but these outbursts and disobedience is intolerable.

    I blew up today because he was freshly out of his bath. I sat down to trim his fingernails and he couldn't sit still for 10 seconds. I told him if he didn't let me finish, I would send him straight to bed. His body immediatly reacted as he was laying down and kicked me in the breast. I was in so much pain I just sent him to his room and let his dad dress him.

    I walked away in tears and in pain. My son later came to me and hugged me as he apologized for hurting me. Something is seriously wrong with this picture. I am convinced that he has no control over his emotions and behaviour.

    I don't know what to do. It's not his fault, yet I find myself depressed over the fact that I can't help him.

    Can anyone help me?
     
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Angel, welcome to the board.

    Deep breaths. You are not alone.

    Good to know that you have an appointment set up to have your son evaluated. In the meantime, might I suggest taking a look at the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? It is an excellent read with lots of good suggestions on dealing with challenging children.

    Chances are, he cannot control himself. Not his fault, not YOUR fault. If you feel like yo are depressed (again, you are NOT alone) PLEASE get yourself some help. You are nothing to your child if you are not at 100% yourself. Depression is real, and if you need counselling or medication, so be it.

    Parenting a child like this is not for the faint of heart. It takes lots of creative thinking. It means giving them as much control as possible. For example, to avoid something like that in the future, you might let HIM decide when would be a good time to cut his nails. This way he feels he has a say so in what is happening to his body.

    You found a safe place to land. Again, welcome.
     
  3. saman

    saman New Member

    You're absolutely not alone. At 3.5 my son scared me. We took him to a child psychologist to try and get some parenting advice...and some behavior modification helped. He's in K now...and we're in the process of getting his IEP in place and I'm researching natural approaches to treating him. I'm trying to get him into a biomedical doctor that treats the symptoms and doesn't medicate...the wait is long, but I hope it'll be worth it. If medicine is what it takes, so be it...but for now, we're hoping we can do this without.

    Just wanted to say, you are NOT alone. I just found this site and I'm so grateful. Truly parents that 'get it' and do not judge.

    I'm a firm believe that we were given these children for a reason...we can handle it. Although at times, I'm not so sure..then another day comes and he amazes me more. One day at a time. Hang in there.
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board! :flower:

    Parenting a special needs child is probably one of the toughest jobs in the world. It is exhausting mentally, physically, and emotionally. Please be sure to be good to yourself. Take time to pamper yourself every now and again as well as taking a break.

    You are helping him. You are seeking an evaluation that can tell you what the problem is so that a treatment plan can be put into place to enable you to help him as best you can. Knowledge is power. Not one of us here were handed our difficult children and knew exactly what was the best way to parent them. Heck, most of us are still trying to figure it out. Unfortunately they don't hand out owner's manuals with your newborn child.

    It might be best to get a neuropsychologist evaluation or a multidiciplinary evaluation done to be sure all bases are covered.

    Many ((hugs))
     
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome, Angel. I do understand. been there done that over and over.

    You said, "I am convinced that he has no control over his emotions and behaviour."

    I believe you are right. And if you are right, then punishment is not going to work. You walking away because you were hurt is more effective as punishment than anything you could impose.

    Save punishment for things you know he has full control of.

    I am very tired right now and have a big day tomorrow (it's 11 pm of a very tiring day here).

    Again, welcome. I look forward to getting to know you when I can prop my eyelids open!

    Marg
     
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Are you in the US? The kind of evaluations and help you can receive varies from country to country and certain diagnosis., such as early onset bipolar, are not dxd. in certain countries. ADHD seems to be kind of a catch-all in some places (and I don't mean this in a negative way). I'm just trying to understand so I can sort of be helpful. Since I live in the US, I'm thinking "how would I do it?" Thanks for the info :smile:
     
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