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General Parenting
Frustrated Step-Mom seeks advice..
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 335849" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi Kati and welcome.</p><p> </p><p>I'm not a big self-help book kind of person, but I think you might want to read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It sounds like with the transition from mom's house to yours, there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed. Dr. Greene uses a basket method of prioritizing which behaviors need to be dealt with. Basket A is nonnegotiable stuff - in our home, it was violence. Basket B is important stuff but not really worth going to the mat over, and Basket C is stuff you can let slide for now. The idea is to identify a couple of Basket A behaviors, address them diligently, and as they (hopefully) become less of an issue, you can move stuff from other baskets up. It's impossible, in my experience anyway, to consistently address *every* issue and stay sane. Also makes for an extremely unpleasant home life.</p><p> </p><p>I also found the book incredibly reassuring because he talks about some specific kids' behaviors - I thought my kid was the only one who behaved like that, LOL. Also good insights into their thinking. For example, what applied/still applies to my kid - he has always thought he was equal (acutally, superior) to any adult authority, and he is an optimistic child, meaning he just knows he's going to win/get his way.... someday. Any time I gave up/gave in, usually out of exhaustion, I was just reinforcing his behaviors.</p><p> </p><p>It's a relief to hear that school has been a help. That's at least half the battle right there.</p><p> </p><p>Again - welcome, and I'm glad you found us!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 335849, member: 8"] Hi Kati and welcome. I'm not a big self-help book kind of person, but I think you might want to read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It sounds like with the transition from mom's house to yours, there are a lot of issues that need to be addressed. Dr. Greene uses a basket method of prioritizing which behaviors need to be dealt with. Basket A is nonnegotiable stuff - in our home, it was violence. Basket B is important stuff but not really worth going to the mat over, and Basket C is stuff you can let slide for now. The idea is to identify a couple of Basket A behaviors, address them diligently, and as they (hopefully) become less of an issue, you can move stuff from other baskets up. It's impossible, in my experience anyway, to consistently address *every* issue and stay sane. Also makes for an extremely unpleasant home life. I also found the book incredibly reassuring because he talks about some specific kids' behaviors - I thought my kid was the only one who behaved like that, LOL. Also good insights into their thinking. For example, what applied/still applies to my kid - he has always thought he was equal (acutally, superior) to any adult authority, and he is an optimistic child, meaning he just knows he's going to win/get his way.... someday. Any time I gave up/gave in, usually out of exhaustion, I was just reinforcing his behaviors. It's a relief to hear that school has been a help. That's at least half the battle right there. Again - welcome, and I'm glad you found us! [/QUOTE]
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