Frustrated with School-VENT

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TheBoyHasArrived, Dec 4, 2012.

  1. TheBoyHasArrived

    TheBoyHasArrived New Member

    We have been lucky this year to have a very good, qualified teacher for The Boy (Kindergarten), after the disaster that was last year. The school district has been very helpful; husband and I both work in the same building that The Boy attends. The result is that I probably have overstepped my boundaries a few times when dealing with behaviors, etc.--because I felt like there was an open-door policy, I have let a lot slide that I would not have allowed if I didn't feel comfortable. Rather than addressing the situation with me, a complaint was made to our boss regarding my involvement, and now I don't feel comfortable stopping to ask how The Boy's day was, about specific behaviors, etc.

    So, now, I have no form of communication with the teachers. There was never a communication book in place because I felt "okay" with the verbal communication. At this point, he has had two major meltdowns over changes that have been made in class that I did not "okay" and could have told them would trigger his PTSD had there been communication. He has been allowed to sit and eat lunch with his 1-1 in the classroom due to bad behavior (like the kid who likes to manipulate adults won't connect BAD = 1 on 1 time. I predict he will increase behaviors around lunch time to test this out...if I had been consulted at all, I could have warned them. He is in general education (and doing 1000x's better than he ever did in a small, contained class), and he needs to follow the class routine. Special attention from teachers totally feeds his post-institutionalized issues and will make him spiral.

    We are in DECEMBER with no behavior plan despite that it was requested when we enrolled him in AUGUST. He has a 1-1 with no training (and really, since there is no behavior plan to follow, no idea how to manage his behaviors). No progress notes regarding IEP goals. I asked for clarification as to why The Boy was bringing home worksheets that had no actual work and all scribbles (I requested that any destroyed work be sent home to complete), and the worksheets just stopped appearing with no explanation. Also: we only allow stimming in down time, and it's very limited. It has decreased a lot since we started attempted to eliminate it (with no new stims that I've noticed); it's probably his biggest way to escape, and he can't do that in class. The teacher and aide think I'm evil for not allowing him to sit on people's laps, give hugs, etc and basically wrote off this request at school. I am SO FRUSTRATED, and very limited to how much I can rock the boat due to husband and I both working here. I gave the principal a written copy of my concerns so that he is able to mediate, hopefully we can get this under control. The Boy was doing SO well until several changes were made recently (with no real idea WHY and no discussion with "the team").

    I requested a communication log with daily communication from 1-1/classroom teacher, weekly communication from therapists and notification of any/all changes made to the routine or behavior plan prior to them occurring. I also requested that his PTSD be treated as a medical illness and that we be notified if meltdowns last more than 10 minutes or occur more than 5 times in 3 hours so that we are able to decide whether or not to come and get him. I also have asked that his 1-1 be responsible for discouraging the noises, etc. rather than just deciding what's best. Does that sound reasonable? I'm angry about the situation in general, I work in the schools and even when I've disagreed with parent request, I do my best to accommodate them. And, here is a kid that the school staff doesn't understand because he's way outside the box, and they are making decisions and changes based on their own opinions. As if THEY are the ones who will be responsible for his behavior for the rest of his life instead of one year.
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    That sucks! You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. You can't tick off your employer since they have asked you not to come by but you also cant continue to allow them to do things that are detrimental. I would do everything officially from now on. Don't cut any corners and do the annoying paperwork. That way they have to agree to or react to your requests regardless of your employee status.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And pull in an official advocate. That way, you have a neutral third-party involved.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Will type more later but if theres any way not to have him in your school do it. It does not work well for difficult child kids. Until then or if your stuck go by the book. Put all requests in writing cc'd to sp ed coordinator /director. All behavior plan changes need IEP team meetings and need to be based on data, be research based and need an fba if there is not current data. Opinions like he's doing it for attention are (according to behavioral research ) typically wrong. Usually the child will do better when he can. They need to learn about adoption and attachment to understand that hugs and such can't be anyone's job but parent's because he has no sense of a primary caregiver.
    Wish I could say it will happen but you may need to supply short articles with "fyi" info and ideas.....
    Sorry to say, you are likely to face this every year so might as well develop a system right now for how to respond. I've so been there done that! Really sorry for you. Your child has one of the least understood conditions. So not right but true.
  5. TheBoyHasArrived

    TheBoyHasArrived New Member

    Well, since I requested communication in writing, etc., all of the sudden the behavior management system Kiddo was using now needs re-vamped. Because, obviously, it was working so we need to change it immediately. ::sigh:: It was "negative" (green faces for good behavior, red faces for bad behavior), so now it's either ditch the system or give up ABA services. Yay.

    The "new and improved" system is a red-yellow-green chart that allows The Boy to do whatever he wants, be "on red" for 25 out of 30 minutes, and still end a 30 minute block on green. Because the master manipulator won't figure THAT out immediately.

    Do I just let them do what they want and then gloat when it blows up in their faces? I'm tempted. But, I don't think that's fair to The Boy. He's proud of his good behavior (which is a HUGE STEP for him), and I don't feel like he should pay the price for the behaviorist not having experience with attachment/PTSD/post-institutional kids.

    I can't even imagine what those of you with kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) go through...The Boy's "mild" issues due to attachment are enough to drive me batty.