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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 442490" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>I am so sorry you are hurting so much. How old is your daughter? I don't know if this will help you feel better at all, but thought I would share. My 18 year old son, at age 12 or so, was so out of control I was at my wits end. By then I'd been a long time member here, been through the ringer with therapy, doctors, psychiatrists, IEP's, day treatment programs for behavior etc. I ended up having him live with his bio father. This man also ignored my son his entire life as you mentioned your daughters father did. It took nearly a year for things to change with my son and I. He lasted only a few months with his dad but then went to his grandmothers (dads mother) rather than come home here. I had made criteria for him returning that required he be a healthy functioning member of our household and that his former behaviors would see the door opening to expel him once again. Killed me to take such a hard stance but something told me he needed to learn the hard way that the grass wasn't greener. I had him crank calling me repeatedly on Christmas day with his friends, the things he said were horrible and I spent the day sobbing behind the back of my youngest. His birthday was his one visit to me. I had easter gifts, birthday gifts, his fav dinner and a birthday cake. he went to my bed to sleep instead from staying out all night before coming over to see me. It had been months since he left and no contact. I tried to wake him 3 times. I then told him be up in 5 minutes to participate in a visit or get out and leave. He didn't get up and mouthed off at me. I tossed his miserable behind out, then wept and wept. Tossed out his untouched dinner and cake and it was rough so many other times. </p><p></p><p>But my son eventually DID miss me, he HAD learned from me all of those years I was a mess watching him change into someone I couldn't stand. He came home and i can honestly say the change was night and day. All these years later he has moved out right after turning 18. He is living with his g/f in a house, not a rental. He has his first ever job and is paying bills, putting a new roof on their house and a new deck, making adult friends, joined a mens basketball league and calls me every single day! We laugh and talk and catch up and are very close. He has never disrespected me again. </p><p></p><p>I can't say that will happen for others, but thought it might help you see that there can still be hope for you and your daughter. Hang in there and know that many of us do understand where you are at and have been there. (((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 442490, member: 4264"] I am so sorry you are hurting so much. How old is your daughter? I don't know if this will help you feel better at all, but thought I would share. My 18 year old son, at age 12 or so, was so out of control I was at my wits end. By then I'd been a long time member here, been through the ringer with therapy, doctors, psychiatrists, IEP's, day treatment programs for behavior etc. I ended up having him live with his bio father. This man also ignored my son his entire life as you mentioned your daughters father did. It took nearly a year for things to change with my son and I. He lasted only a few months with his dad but then went to his grandmothers (dads mother) rather than come home here. I had made criteria for him returning that required he be a healthy functioning member of our household and that his former behaviors would see the door opening to expel him once again. Killed me to take such a hard stance but something told me he needed to learn the hard way that the grass wasn't greener. I had him crank calling me repeatedly on Christmas day with his friends, the things he said were horrible and I spent the day sobbing behind the back of my youngest. His birthday was his one visit to me. I had easter gifts, birthday gifts, his fav dinner and a birthday cake. he went to my bed to sleep instead from staying out all night before coming over to see me. It had been months since he left and no contact. I tried to wake him 3 times. I then told him be up in 5 minutes to participate in a visit or get out and leave. He didn't get up and mouthed off at me. I tossed his miserable behind out, then wept and wept. Tossed out his untouched dinner and cake and it was rough so many other times. But my son eventually DID miss me, he HAD learned from me all of those years I was a mess watching him change into someone I couldn't stand. He came home and i can honestly say the change was night and day. All these years later he has moved out right after turning 18. He is living with his g/f in a house, not a rental. He has his first ever job and is paying bills, putting a new roof on their house and a new deck, making adult friends, joined a mens basketball league and calls me every single day! We laugh and talk and catch up and are very close. He has never disrespected me again. I can't say that will happen for others, but thought it might help you see that there can still be hope for you and your daughter. Hang in there and know that many of us do understand where you are at and have been there. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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