"Functional IQ" question

[Shari]

I am trying to figure out a way to talk to difficult child 2's gymnastic's teacher. He seems to think difficult child is just spoiled, and that if he's just tougher on him, punishes him more for acting out in class, and takes away the fun activity at the end of class, that difficult child will get it and sit quietly in class and listen, etc etc etc.

Just came across his test from the neurpsyche. His test results state he has a "functional iq of 74". An iq of 70 is mild retardation. Is that an accurate comparison that I can hand to his gymnastics teacher to maybe give him a clearer picture of what he's dealing with?

 

[SRL]

I would talk to difficult child's school case manager.

 

[DDD]

I, too, would not discuss this with the PE teacher. It is RARE
in my humble opinion that a male PE teacher has an analytical method of dealing with children. From the 60's thru to the current year I have
had dealings with teachers of all sorts. The two I trust least
are PE teachers and any teacher who cuts off a conversation about
difficult child issues by saying "I know all about that." Not!

Your child has guaranteed rights to protection by the school authorities. You must be prepared to advocate on a regular basis
to make sure that he is treated with respect. That is NOT happening at PE. DDD

 

[mrscatinthehat]

I am wondering if this is pe or an extra activity. If it is an outside activity then yes you would need to discuss this with him. Not sure how much info to give but he should be made aware of the situation.

Beth

 

[Shari]

This is an outside gymnastics class, not school related at all. I originally wanted to put him in a private lesson, but the director wanted to try this, first, since its much more "budget friendly" (which it is). There are only 2 other kids in the class, but difficult child 2 just can't maintain, he's all over the place. I think it could work if someone were on the floor with him to redirect him while the teacher is working with the other 2 kids, but its not working as it is, and teacher keeps taking away and punishing and difficult child ends the class in tears cause he's so bad, which is not the point (this is supposed to be a positive outlet for energy, not teaching him to sit, be quiet, and follow direction - and we'll go private if that's what it needs to be). But when I tried to talk to the teacher last night, he blew off any "reason" for difficult child's behavior. He can punish til he's blue in the face, but its not been effective for anyone else in eliciting good behavior from difficult child. The director really wants to give this small class a try. But I need to get this teacher on board or it won't work at all. I guess I'm thinking if I can hand him that report with the "74" highlighted and tell him despite what he thinks he sees, this is what he's dealing with, maybe he'd get that's there's more to it than meets the eye. And that's all this guy needs to understand for now. I just want to make sure that my understanding of "functional iq" is correct, and that it means that he functions at the level of a person with an iq of 74.

 

[DDD]

Sorry, Shari. I misunderstood and thought it was a school PE teacher that you were referring to in your post. Truthfully, I
am a little jaded after so many years of dealing with people who
didn't (and often, wouldn't) understand exceptionalities.

One thing I am positive about is that regardless of IQ, the sense
of selfworth is HUGELY important to each child. Being expected to perform at a level that is not attainable is, to me, tanamount
to child abuse. The problem is that the "uniformed" don't accept
that capabilities differ.

I will cross some body parts that your choice is the best for your child. It is not easy being a parent to a special child.
DDD

 

[Janna]

Shari,

I put Dylan in karate back in April. He was good for a while, then started blurting out, being inappropriate, being very disruptive.

I don't think it's fair to the rest of the kids to have my son in there, I pulled him out. He can't handle it, and that's just that.

I don't think your son's IQ level has anything to do with the fact that he is having behavioral problems in a gymnastics class. I, personally, wouldn't bring that to their attention.

If your son can't maintain there, why not just take him out? I'm sure you are thinking that's probably not fair, but in all honesty, there are just some people that are not going to understand or tolerate difficult child'ness - I've been there done that - and I wouldn't torture Dylan by keeping him somewhere with people that couldn't/wouldn't be able to deal with him.

Just my .02 ~


And FYI - Dylan scored in the 70's, too, and is nowhere near mentally retarded, educationally or behaviorally. So, no, not really accurate.

 

[SRL]

I'd be looking for another teacher if there's anyone else available. There's night and day difference in those who get it, are flexible, and are willing to learn.

 

[Shari]

I put a call in to difficult child 2's case worker and the doctor who did the report.

difficult child 2 desperately wants to be a part of something, and he's very gifted in gymnastics *IF* someone takes the time to work with him. In the previous class, he mastered the skills in less than 2 weeks, but the teacher was great with him (You are so right, SRL, about the teacher making a difference - except then he was bored because he wasn't being challenged enough...and that was no good, either). We would like difficult child to be in the class because it requires a lot of coordination of muscles, concentration to use them (which he can do), and gives him additional "moves" he does at home to burn off even more energy between classes. We originally put him in gymnastics when we couldn't keep him off the high furniture. They taught him to roll when he jumped or fell as a safety issue, and he loved it.

I don't have the luxury of picking the teacher, and no, I won't leave him in the class if it doesn't get better, but I can't expect it to get better if I don't give the teacher info, either. While difficult child is no where near mentally retarded, I merely was looking for something in black and white to quickly give this young man. While difficult child's "optimal" iq is unkown (but suspected to be very high), his "functional" iq is low. I just want to make sure that I'm using that number in the appropriate context. I don't want to make a statement that isn't true.

If I give teacher additional info and he continues to ignore it, I'll have to pull difficult child and ask the director to go to the private classes.

 

[BusynMember]

Shari, do you have a YMCA nearby? Out here they have a gymnastics team and the Y is VERY accepting of kids with special needs. My Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son was on the swim team for a year. They were very good to him. I think there is a different mindset...not so much "gym teacher" mentality.

 

[timer lady]

Is there a college student who would mentor your difficult child through the lessons? Help redirect & keep him on task? Our PCA firm uses college students going into the fields of psychology, social work, Special Education....etc. Many of the students offer to volunteer for part of the internship (it can & has been worked out with wm in the past).

Just something to consider if your difficult child is so into this sport.

 

[Marguerite]

I'd be pulling him out, talented or not. The fastest way to lose the love for a sport (or other activity) is to have to deal with someone who doesn't 'get' how to communicate with you.

I started difficult child 1 in karate when he was about 8. He had wanted to try it, it was a mixed class of adults and children (mostly adults) and we had another friend from church in the class who understood difficult child 1.

I explained everything to the karate teacher, who nodded and said, "I understand."

Then the karate teacher made it clear to difficult child 1, behind my back, that because of the necessary discipline of karate he was not permitted to discuss anything that happened in class with any outsider. He then proceeded to 'discipline' difficult child 1 for inattention, for not being able to remember a sequence of instructions, for being clumsy - for all sorts of things. And difficult child 1 was not able to tell us how unhappy he was. He wasn't doing karate, he was spending all the lessons doing roll-outs and push-ups as punishment.
Finally our friend from church told us to pull difficult child 1 out of the class (our friend also felt bound by this "secret men's business" nonsense). He told us that the karate teacher was not following our requests for managing difficult child 1 and had said that all difficult child 1 needed was some discipline and to get away from his over-protective and wishy-washy parents long enough to learn some structure and routine.

We pulled difficult child 1 out, even though it meant forfeiting the term fees. But it probably wouldn't have mattered - the teacher was himself not coping with life, he had a breakdown so soon after this that I don't think he ever had the chance to notice difficult child 1's absence. The classes stopped and were never recommenced.
But that is a separate issue.

What I'm saying - you could talk to the teacher and STILL find things are no better. Or they could be worse.

difficult child wants to be involved and do something he is good at and enjoys, but he won't enjoy it for long if he's treated incorrectly. The other kids will also dislike either the class or difficult child, if he seems to be constantly disruptive or the focus of the teacher's hostility. So I would strongly suggest pulling him out, in order to preserve his interest and also maybe help teach difficult child what the class teacher is trying to teach him - you need to be able to stay focussed and on task, if you want to do this class.

He can always pick it up next semester, next year or somewhere else with a more patient teacher.

Marg

 

[Shari]

Thanks, all.

This program is at the Y, but they have a competitive gymnastics team in addition to their regular classes...so...

Linda, thanks for the info. The Y has a college very near, I will check into that. Its not that he's so "into" this sport, but when we tried to come up with something for him to do (his team) we all agreed with his agression, karate is not something he needs to take classes in. Team sports are out, this is just what we cam eup with, and he is good at it and wants to be a part of something.

I'm going to give the teacher some info. If he accepts it, fine. If he doesn't, I will pull difficult child out and we will either do private lessons or not at all. Its doing more harm than good as it is right now.

 

[DDD]

Based on my experience there are three possible "doable" sports.
Bowling. Many communities have awesome bowling programs that are
welcoming for difficult children. Cross country running. If you have a child
who needs to be part of a team..but doesn't have the blending skills, cross country is terrific. Everyone runs individually
but the team wins or loses by cumulative points earned by the
individuals on the team. Swimming. Some (and I have heard of
the opposite) swim teams allow the sense of unity with aloneness
acceptable.

Over the years we have tried with difficult child and GFGmom, soccer, T ball,
tennis, golf, basketball, karate and field and track at the high
school level. Each of those activities require an "awareness" of
the team needs that was beyond our difficult children. Mostly, they talked too
much and interfered with the concentration needed for the team.
Bowling and cross country were the most successful.

I have to admit that we were blessed with easy child/difficult child who never met
a sport he couldn't master PDQ. We have countless happy sports
memories from his youth...enough to offset the bad ones from his
Mom and his bro, lol. DDD

PS: I always stayed nearby for difficult child sports so I could see and hear what was going on...from an acceptable distance, pretending
to be deeply absorbed in a book.