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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 419564" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think you need to tell easy child she can go now if she won't follow rules. Also let her know that her behavior means she isn't getting much for her birthday besides the door closing behind her. Decide how much rent she needs to pay each month, the deadline to pay it or leave, the basic rules for being a roommate in your home (clean up after yourself, take the dogs out if you are the one home, no drug or alcohol use, no drugs, alcohol or tobacco in your home/on your property, no rides unless she is well mannered and pays for the gas and your time to take her there and get yourself back home (NOT just gas/time to get her there, round trip for each way because it takes you 40 min to give her a ride to a place that is 20 min away), she can have basic food and utilities for what she pays in rent but if something has someone else's name on it and she eats it she has to pay up front for it, treat you in a civilized manner, treat difficult child and husband the same, and violation of ANY of these, or breaking ANY law means she is evicted wtih 24 hr notice. </p><p> </p><p>I know you don't want to evict her, but she has to face the real world. Why doesn't she have a job? There must be somewhere she could ride a bike to or walk to, or someone in the area who needs a babysitter, house cleaner, dog walker, yard person or errand runner. There is NO reason for her to be this close to 18 and still not have a job of any kind. IS she planning to go to college? How does she plan to pay for it and where does she plan to live? These ALL need to be questions she figures out answers to. </p><p> </p><p>As for the dog pee and poo, what Marg suggested is EXACTLY what my mother did to my brother. Only once and he was furious but he KNEW that saying word ONE to my mother about it might result in him not speaking because he couldn't. Mom NEVER really hit us but there were lines that we were pretty sure she might if we crossed them. Even drunk he was super careful to not cross those lines with her.</p><p> </p><p>As for cursing at you, when she next wants something from the store or a ride or whatever, let her know that you cannot hear her because she curses at you. Until she can go for more than 24 hrs with-o cursing at you or calling you names, she gets nothing. At. All. </p><p> </p><p>A big part of me wonders whehter it is the kids who are so different now or the adults. As a kid I KNEW that my parents would NOT tolerate it if I cursed at them. EVER. I was pretty sure that if I cursed at my mother I might not have teeth left. If she didn't knock them out then my father would when he found out. I don't know why our kids think it is okay. I know mine were never given that idea by me. Actually thank you is pretty sure I would beat him to death iif he called me a curse word. I don't think I ever even spanked him more than 1 or 2 times, and those were for doing things that could kill him like trying to stick a fork in a light socket or running into the 4 lane road in front of my parents home. But he actually told another kid that he wouldn't dare to curse around me, much less at me, because I would smack him so hard he might not survive it. He didn't know that I was right there behind him and I didn't let on my surprise that he thought that way. I don't even think he ever saw husband or I hit anyone ever. But I won't fight that perception of his.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, I hope that things with difficult child settle soon. Don't tell either child this, but another parent who used to be on here was told by cps in NY that she had to provide a home for her child until she was either 20 or 21. DO NOT TELL HER THIS OR GO AND ASK ANYONE. Cause until then you do not know the rule. This parent was told she couldnt force her child to stay but if the child wanted to stay there the parent had to open the door and let her even if the child hadn't been home in days or week. I am NTO sure it would stand up in court, and once she is 18 I would make the rules exactly as strict as I wanted and if she didn't liek it she could leave.</p><p> </p><p>FYI, go and check the breakers to find out which one/ones power her room. Then you can turn off the power if she is in there and is p;aying music too loud, watching tv, has taken the computer in there, etc... It can be a very very USEFUL piece of knowledge. Also check out the hot water heater. Usually you can turn it off and end the hot water coming out from the tank. That means you can give her 5 min of hot water for a shower and turn the hot water off. She can rinse the soap out, but it will be cold. My gpa actually gave his kids 3 min of hot water and then it went off. Even for my aunt with waist length hair. It keeps them moving and not wasting hot water or tying up the bathroom if you only have one. In all likelihood her room has a vent that you can go in and close if you want her to not have air conditioning in the room (if you have central air). It is another thing that my father used to do. gfgbro used to go on rants about how wasteful Americans are with our central heat and air and long hot showers. At the time we swear he was choosing his friends by how awful they smelled. Not just unwashed and out working hard in the heat - unwashed for months with clothes that were never washed and some ate certain foods from their home countries that created a smell that came out through their skin that was truly awful (kim chee is a fermented cabbage of some kind that many of his friends loved but it reeks and it makes your body just reek for days after you eat it). So my dad got tired of the rants coming from this boy-man who took 45 min showers and then would come out yelling because the hot water ran out, would run the airconditioner at 65 degrees and then open his window if he got cold (in the OK summer with temps over 100 degrees), or would turn the heat up high so he could be comfortable iwth his window open in the winter. That is how I learned about the breakers, hto water heater, heat and a/c vents. Used to make my bro nuts, but not as nuts as my dad was after his rants, lol.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 419564, member: 1233"] I think you need to tell easy child she can go now if she won't follow rules. Also let her know that her behavior means she isn't getting much for her birthday besides the door closing behind her. Decide how much rent she needs to pay each month, the deadline to pay it or leave, the basic rules for being a roommate in your home (clean up after yourself, take the dogs out if you are the one home, no drug or alcohol use, no drugs, alcohol or tobacco in your home/on your property, no rides unless she is well mannered and pays for the gas and your time to take her there and get yourself back home (NOT just gas/time to get her there, round trip for each way because it takes you 40 min to give her a ride to a place that is 20 min away), she can have basic food and utilities for what she pays in rent but if something has someone else's name on it and she eats it she has to pay up front for it, treat you in a civilized manner, treat difficult child and husband the same, and violation of ANY of these, or breaking ANY law means she is evicted wtih 24 hr notice. I know you don't want to evict her, but she has to face the real world. Why doesn't she have a job? There must be somewhere she could ride a bike to or walk to, or someone in the area who needs a babysitter, house cleaner, dog walker, yard person or errand runner. There is NO reason for her to be this close to 18 and still not have a job of any kind. IS she planning to go to college? How does she plan to pay for it and where does she plan to live? These ALL need to be questions she figures out answers to. As for the dog pee and poo, what Marg suggested is EXACTLY what my mother did to my brother. Only once and he was furious but he KNEW that saying word ONE to my mother about it might result in him not speaking because he couldn't. Mom NEVER really hit us but there were lines that we were pretty sure she might if we crossed them. Even drunk he was super careful to not cross those lines with her. As for cursing at you, when she next wants something from the store or a ride or whatever, let her know that you cannot hear her because she curses at you. Until she can go for more than 24 hrs with-o cursing at you or calling you names, she gets nothing. At. All. A big part of me wonders whehter it is the kids who are so different now or the adults. As a kid I KNEW that my parents would NOT tolerate it if I cursed at them. EVER. I was pretty sure that if I cursed at my mother I might not have teeth left. If she didn't knock them out then my father would when he found out. I don't know why our kids think it is okay. I know mine were never given that idea by me. Actually thank you is pretty sure I would beat him to death iif he called me a curse word. I don't think I ever even spanked him more than 1 or 2 times, and those were for doing things that could kill him like trying to stick a fork in a light socket or running into the 4 lane road in front of my parents home. But he actually told another kid that he wouldn't dare to curse around me, much less at me, because I would smack him so hard he might not survive it. He didn't know that I was right there behind him and I didn't let on my surprise that he thought that way. I don't even think he ever saw husband or I hit anyone ever. But I won't fight that perception of his. Anyway, I hope that things with difficult child settle soon. Don't tell either child this, but another parent who used to be on here was told by cps in NY that she had to provide a home for her child until she was either 20 or 21. DO NOT TELL HER THIS OR GO AND ASK ANYONE. Cause until then you do not know the rule. This parent was told she couldnt force her child to stay but if the child wanted to stay there the parent had to open the door and let her even if the child hadn't been home in days or week. I am NTO sure it would stand up in court, and once she is 18 I would make the rules exactly as strict as I wanted and if she didn't liek it she could leave. FYI, go and check the breakers to find out which one/ones power her room. Then you can turn off the power if she is in there and is p;aying music too loud, watching tv, has taken the computer in there, etc... It can be a very very USEFUL piece of knowledge. Also check out the hot water heater. Usually you can turn it off and end the hot water coming out from the tank. That means you can give her 5 min of hot water for a shower and turn the hot water off. She can rinse the soap out, but it will be cold. My gpa actually gave his kids 3 min of hot water and then it went off. Even for my aunt with waist length hair. It keeps them moving and not wasting hot water or tying up the bathroom if you only have one. In all likelihood her room has a vent that you can go in and close if you want her to not have air conditioning in the room (if you have central air). It is another thing that my father used to do. gfgbro used to go on rants about how wasteful Americans are with our central heat and air and long hot showers. At the time we swear he was choosing his friends by how awful they smelled. Not just unwashed and out working hard in the heat - unwashed for months with clothes that were never washed and some ate certain foods from their home countries that created a smell that came out through their skin that was truly awful (kim chee is a fermented cabbage of some kind that many of his friends loved but it reeks and it makes your body just reek for days after you eat it). So my dad got tired of the rants coming from this boy-man who took 45 min showers and then would come out yelling because the hot water ran out, would run the airconditioner at 65 degrees and then open his window if he got cold (in the OK summer with temps over 100 degrees), or would turn the heat up high so he could be comfortable iwth his window open in the winter. That is how I learned about the breakers, hto water heater, heat and a/c vents. Used to make my bro nuts, but not as nuts as my dad was after his rants, lol. 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