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Substance Abuse
Gentle push or swift kick!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627103" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Oh 4, I am sorry that you are suffering. It IS suffering that you are doing, and we have all experienced that suffering here, as we have lived our lives, many of us mothers of difficult children. It is SO hard to sit by and watch and let go. It is SO hard to be involved and enable and try to fix and fail again and again and again. </p><p></p><p>Which is harder? I don't know the answer to that, but the second path does no one any good, that much I do believe. </p><p></p><p>You will need tons of support right now. Please order some Al-Anon books, and Codependent No More and Boundaries, for starters. Please start working with a therapist. Al-Anon also has online support groups---please look into that.</p><p></p><p>This is very hard to do----this type of change in ourselves---and you can't do it alone. You won't be able to. It's just like your son---he will have to work a sustained program of change for the rest of his life, with lots of support. So will you. </p><p></p><p>Remember, he has made choices. He is 18, and while that is very young still, he is an adult. If you can let him---as much as possible---take the consequences of his choices today, maybe, by the grace of God, he will stop now and do the hard work of change.</p><p></p><p>When we rescue again and again and again, we are teaching them that they don't have to take the consequences of their own choices and we are teaching them that we will handle things for them, because they obviously aren't smart enough to do it themselves.</p><p></p><p>This is very faulty thinking on our part. </p><p></p><p>4---remember what you posted above: He doesn't want to follow rules. He doesn't want responsibility. This is my son to a T and he is 25. People who don't want to follow rules and who don't want responsibility will find themselves in jail or ultimately dead.</p><p></p><p>My friend, who runs the Salvation Army program in my town, has met my son multiple times as he has stayed in her shelter. Yesterday she and I got together for about an hour to catch up. I brought her up to date on my son and asked her for input and any thoughts. She said this: he is very young (25) but the fact that he just keeps on and on with no indication of change is not good. She said this: he will either end up dead or in jail for a long, long time---there are basically few other choices. She also confirmed and reaffirmed that there is truly nothing I can do to affect this. She is a licensed clinical social worker with a lot of experience treating addiction. </p><p></p><p>I am working hard to do just this: leave my son alone. </p><p></p><p>Our interactions need to be infrequent and widely spaced. My words need to be few and limited to things like this: I love you. I have faith that you can do whatever you decide to do. I hope things work out for you. </p><p></p><p>Support, encouragement but not help. I've helped enough, 4. It hasn't changed a single thing. </p><p></p><p>Keep the faith, and start your own plan of work on YOU. That is the key, 4. Blessings and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627103, member: 17542"] Oh 4, I am sorry that you are suffering. It IS suffering that you are doing, and we have all experienced that suffering here, as we have lived our lives, many of us mothers of difficult children. It is SO hard to sit by and watch and let go. It is SO hard to be involved and enable and try to fix and fail again and again and again. Which is harder? I don't know the answer to that, but the second path does no one any good, that much I do believe. You will need tons of support right now. Please order some Al-Anon books, and Codependent No More and Boundaries, for starters. Please start working with a therapist. Al-Anon also has online support groups---please look into that. This is very hard to do----this type of change in ourselves---and you can't do it alone. You won't be able to. It's just like your son---he will have to work a sustained program of change for the rest of his life, with lots of support. So will you. Remember, he has made choices. He is 18, and while that is very young still, he is an adult. If you can let him---as much as possible---take the consequences of his choices today, maybe, by the grace of God, he will stop now and do the hard work of change. When we rescue again and again and again, we are teaching them that they don't have to take the consequences of their own choices and we are teaching them that we will handle things for them, because they obviously aren't smart enough to do it themselves. This is very faulty thinking on our part. 4---remember what you posted above: He doesn't want to follow rules. He doesn't want responsibility. This is my son to a T and he is 25. People who don't want to follow rules and who don't want responsibility will find themselves in jail or ultimately dead. My friend, who runs the Salvation Army program in my town, has met my son multiple times as he has stayed in her shelter. Yesterday she and I got together for about an hour to catch up. I brought her up to date on my son and asked her for input and any thoughts. She said this: he is very young (25) but the fact that he just keeps on and on with no indication of change is not good. She said this: he will either end up dead or in jail for a long, long time---there are basically few other choices. She also confirmed and reaffirmed that there is truly nothing I can do to affect this. She is a licensed clinical social worker with a lot of experience treating addiction. I am working hard to do just this: leave my son alone. Our interactions need to be infrequent and widely spaced. My words need to be few and limited to things like this: I love you. I have faith that you can do whatever you decide to do. I hope things work out for you. Support, encouragement but not help. I've helped enough, 4. It hasn't changed a single thing. Keep the faith, and start your own plan of work on YOU. That is the key, 4. Blessings and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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