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Substance Abuse
Gentle push or swift kick!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627972" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't think any of us are in fight mode, except our difficult children. I may be wrong. I don't feel that coming off the posts.</p><p></p><p>I think most of us are pretty calm and steady when we deal with our difficult children. Many of us purposefully don't engage them much when they talk crazy and just listen. You don't have to fight...fighting/arguing is counter-productive. It doesn't work and it fuels the fire of many volatile difficult children. Some can and do get violent. Some are verbally abusive. And in no way do we HAVE to take either, nor, in my opinion, should we. But I have heard very little of these awesome moms deliberately picking fights with their adult children. Instead, we are trying to live serene, gooed lives in spite of our difficult children decisions to live destructive ones...because we can't change what they do. Therefore fighting is useless and just stresses our energy field.</p><p></p><p>I think you are smart to determine not to fight with your son. I think the other moms on the forum would agree with that. Our adult children have differing degrees of negative behaviors however. If our adult child never stops ranting at us about how horrible WE are and how his plight is OUR fault or if an adult child threatens to attack or attacks us or even gets in our face, it is prudent to calmly find a phone and call the cops, not to get back at this adult child, but to protect ourselves. Also, the adult child needs to know that if this happens, he could go to jail. I don't believe it free passes for serious infractions of boundaries and safety, but that is me. If an adult child is laying around all day at age 25 and not working and not helping around the house and taking drugs in or out of our homes and expects you to pay for his cell, internet, car insurance etc...well, he is not being violent. That is that against many of our house rules and if an adult child refuses to be anywhere near an adult we have two choices, really. We can allow it because they are our children and we will not risk the adult child having nowhere to live or being angry at us. Or we can set boundaries and act on them.</p><p></p><p>It is totally a personal opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627972, member: 1550"] I don't think any of us are in fight mode, except our difficult children. I may be wrong. I don't feel that coming off the posts. I think most of us are pretty calm and steady when we deal with our difficult children. Many of us purposefully don't engage them much when they talk crazy and just listen. You don't have to fight...fighting/arguing is counter-productive. It doesn't work and it fuels the fire of many volatile difficult children. Some can and do get violent. Some are verbally abusive. And in no way do we HAVE to take either, nor, in my opinion, should we. But I have heard very little of these awesome moms deliberately picking fights with their adult children. Instead, we are trying to live serene, gooed lives in spite of our difficult children decisions to live destructive ones...because we can't change what they do. Therefore fighting is useless and just stresses our energy field. I think you are smart to determine not to fight with your son. I think the other moms on the forum would agree with that. Our adult children have differing degrees of negative behaviors however. If our adult child never stops ranting at us about how horrible WE are and how his plight is OUR fault or if an adult child threatens to attack or attacks us or even gets in our face, it is prudent to calmly find a phone and call the cops, not to get back at this adult child, but to protect ourselves. Also, the adult child needs to know that if this happens, he could go to jail. I don't believe it free passes for serious infractions of boundaries and safety, but that is me. If an adult child is laying around all day at age 25 and not working and not helping around the house and taking drugs in or out of our homes and expects you to pay for his cell, internet, car insurance etc...well, he is not being violent. That is that against many of our house rules and if an adult child refuses to be anywhere near an adult we have two choices, really. We can allow it because they are our children and we will not risk the adult child having nowhere to live or being angry at us. Or we can set boundaries and act on them. It is totally a personal opinion. [/QUOTE]
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