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<blockquote data-quote="mom_to_3" data-source="post: 200060" data-attributes="member: 30"><p><em>I think it will be helpful for your family that you do what is best for you, and let your husband do what he is comfortable with.</em></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Trust me.............. he'll do what he's comfortable with!</span></p><p></p><p><em>To me, because my mother includes my father (especially that she signs him as the primary signer) of the conciliatory notes, it always feels as if my dealings with my mother are false.</em></p><p><span style="color: Blue">That is understandable on your part and I'd probably feel the same way if I were you. That is probably her way of trying to make everything okay.</span></p><p></p><p><em>That I walk into a Fred Meyer (Kroeger's to a lot of you) and my dad abandons his cart and walks out the door when he sees me tells me that he is interested in a hostile relationship.</em></p><p><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: Blue">I cannot even imagine that happening. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Instead of him being interested in a hostile relationship, could it be that he knows he is wrong and lacks the courage or ability to apologize? Some men (and probably women) find it easier to run from and discount that they even had a part in a dispute than to face it head on, could that be him?</span></span></p><p></p><p><em>It also feels like my mom absolves my father from ever having to really face up to his relationship with me, whatever it is.</em></p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">I'm sure it does feel like that to you. I doubt she absolves your father, but is trying to get past that ugliness that maybe she has no control over. Like the same spot my husband is in. I can't control him or his feelings, but I do have to live with him and hear about it.</span></p><p></p><p><em>It may also encourage your husband to act on his own behalf if you don't act for him, which he may not do if you try to speak for him. </em></p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Again, trust me. I don't act for my husband, nor do I speak for him. He owns his own words, feelings and actions. I also don't explain him and yes, he usually has some explaining to do! He's a man you know!</span></p><p></p><p><em>Big hugs to you with your situation with husband and difficult child. It hoovers...</em></p><p></p><p><span style="color: Blue">Thanks, and yes it does <strong>HOOVER!</strong></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mom_to_3, post: 200060, member: 30"] [I]I think it will be helpful for your family that you do what is best for you, and let your husband do what he is comfortable with.[/I] [COLOR="Blue"]Trust me.............. he'll do what he's comfortable with![/COLOR] [I]To me, because my mother includes my father (especially that she signs him as the primary signer) of the conciliatory notes, it always feels as if my dealings with my mother are false.[/I] [COLOR="Blue"]That is understandable on your part and I'd probably feel the same way if I were you. That is probably her way of trying to make everything okay.[/COLOR] [I]That I walk into a Fred Meyer (Kroeger's to a lot of you) and my dad abandons his cart and walks out the door when he sees me tells me that he is interested in a hostile relationship.[/I] [COLOR="blue"][COLOR="Blue"]I cannot even imagine that happening. :( Instead of him being interested in a hostile relationship, could it be that he knows he is wrong and lacks the courage or ability to apologize? Some men (and probably women) find it easier to run from and discount that they even had a part in a dispute than to face it head on, could that be him?[/COLOR][/COLOR] [I]It also feels like my mom absolves my father from ever having to really face up to his relationship with me, whatever it is.[/I] [COLOR="Blue"]I'm sure it does feel like that to you. I doubt she absolves your father, but is trying to get past that ugliness that maybe she has no control over. Like the same spot my husband is in. I can't control him or his feelings, but I do have to live with him and hear about it.[/COLOR] [I]It may also encourage your husband to act on his own behalf if you don't act for him, which he may not do if you try to speak for him. [/I] [COLOR="Blue"]Again, trust me. I don't act for my husband, nor do I speak for him. He owns his own words, feelings and actions. I also don't explain him and yes, he usually has some explaining to do! He's a man you know![/COLOR] [I]Big hugs to you with your situation with husband and difficult child. It hoovers...[/I] [COLOR="Blue"]Thanks, and yes it does [B]HOOVER![/B][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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