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Getting Sucked Back In
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 626466" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Pas, I have been out of pocket for a few days but have been reading along and writing a little bit. I am sorry that he was in this situation, and even sorrier that you had to hear about it before it was resolved.</p><p></p><p>We make progress, and then there is another episode. Chaos, drama, victimhood, arrest, something. There is always something happening with difficult children. And we get the phone call. And then we are drawn backward...and that is often when the three steps back, after making the four steps forward occur.</p><p></p><p>It is always something. And like you, I am weary with the never-ending saga. Only the names and details are different. </p><p></p><p>My son has now been in jail some eight or nine times. It's a box that he knows how to navigate today, for the most part. It's a smaller box than the big world. The rules are black and white and like the world, there is drama and chaos and lack of rules and illegal activity. </p><p></p><p>The people in jail cannot insulate them from that. I had a conversation this week with a priest whose godson difficult child is in prison in my state, in the western portion of the state. He said his difficult child said there are drugs there, and fights, and weapons and now the whole place is on lockdown for a while for beating up guards and nearly killing the warden. This has not been in the news. </p><p></p><p>But also his difficult child is now enrolled in college there, and is trying to deal with the chaos. He put himself there. He did it over and over and over again, with many changes to turn via the courts and the lawyers and the rehabs. But he kept on escalating and now he has a 14-year prison sentence of which he will likely serve 4 to 5 years. He has already served more than one year in a local jail until he was moved to the prison a few months ago. </p><p></p><p>It's just too, too bad. The box in prison is something they can and will have to learn to navigate just like they did the street and the druggies and the hood friends they hang out with. </p><p></p><p>There is no safe place in the world. Our lives are not safe either. We take risks every day and we have to learn to navigate the bigger boxes that we live in. There is fear and grief and pain. </p><p></p><p>Your story, and these stories, are good for me to hear. I know your son is younger than mine, and my mommy heart, which is still beating strong, grieves for them. But my reality heart is growing stronger all the while. This is reality. And it is scary and dangerous and we didn't choose this for them. They did. </p><p></p><p>There are no guarantees in this life, and what's really bad, is the suffering that we are doing, watching the awful choices our loved ones make. That is part of life too. </p><p></p><p>Blessing and hugs and peace to you today. I am glad you are regaining your equilibrium. It takes a few days after another episode. You are doing great, Pas. Please keep writing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 626466, member: 17542"] Pas, I have been out of pocket for a few days but have been reading along and writing a little bit. I am sorry that he was in this situation, and even sorrier that you had to hear about it before it was resolved. We make progress, and then there is another episode. Chaos, drama, victimhood, arrest, something. There is always something happening with difficult children. And we get the phone call. And then we are drawn backward...and that is often when the three steps back, after making the four steps forward occur. It is always something. And like you, I am weary with the never-ending saga. Only the names and details are different. My son has now been in jail some eight or nine times. It's a box that he knows how to navigate today, for the most part. It's a smaller box than the big world. The rules are black and white and like the world, there is drama and chaos and lack of rules and illegal activity. The people in jail cannot insulate them from that. I had a conversation this week with a priest whose godson difficult child is in prison in my state, in the western portion of the state. He said his difficult child said there are drugs there, and fights, and weapons and now the whole place is on lockdown for a while for beating up guards and nearly killing the warden. This has not been in the news. But also his difficult child is now enrolled in college there, and is trying to deal with the chaos. He put himself there. He did it over and over and over again, with many changes to turn via the courts and the lawyers and the rehabs. But he kept on escalating and now he has a 14-year prison sentence of which he will likely serve 4 to 5 years. He has already served more than one year in a local jail until he was moved to the prison a few months ago. It's just too, too bad. The box in prison is something they can and will have to learn to navigate just like they did the street and the druggies and the hood friends they hang out with. There is no safe place in the world. Our lives are not safe either. We take risks every day and we have to learn to navigate the bigger boxes that we live in. There is fear and grief and pain. Your story, and these stories, are good for me to hear. I know your son is younger than mine, and my mommy heart, which is still beating strong, grieves for them. But my reality heart is growing stronger all the while. This is reality. And it is scary and dangerous and we didn't choose this for them. They did. There are no guarantees in this life, and what's really bad, is the suffering that we are doing, watching the awful choices our loved ones make. That is part of life too. Blessing and hugs and peace to you today. I am glad you are regaining your equilibrium. It takes a few days after another episode. You are doing great, Pas. Please keep writing. [/QUOTE]
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