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Going out of my mind?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Andee" data-source="post: 213167" data-attributes="member: 3508"><p>No, I don't have custody of her, legally, at this time. We have discussed the issue a bit, off and on. We do have papers signed (and if needed notorized) by my sister that put me on an almost equal level as her concerning things for both of them related to health, welfare, legal, and educational aspects. I need to organize my copies of such things better so I carry them with me when going to these various places in person. Some remember better than others. The ones that don't remember us signing all their necessary paperwork sometimes become very challenging to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Sis falls into a real gray area. Her IQ technically comes out to high 70s - but the subtests show levels in the 60s, 70s, and one 90 so that gives one the impression that she's fully functional as an adult. The numbers slide when you begin to involve reasoning on anything. In a more concrete way, her math ability peaks at 5th grade while her language ability peaks at 7th grade. But when presented with a problem that does not have a solid right or wrong, yes or no, sort of answer, she comes up with ideas one might expect of a 10-12 year old child... sometimes that works just fine. </p><p></p><p>We haven't yet figured out if this is from a lack of knowledge or if this is truly the best she can do. I think that's the biggest reason I've held back from custody or guardianship issues. There are areas in life where Sis shows amazing insight, but they are few and far between the times when you have wonder if she's ever going to learn 'this' (which could be almost anything)! My mom has done so much FOR her that it is possible she's not had the opportunity until living with me to do these things. But Sis herself often feels too inadequate to even try to learn new things. Is that from Mom always doing them, or from Mom always telling her "she can't do them" or from some problem within herself?</p><p></p><p>This wasn't explained to me when Mom sent them up here. The initial plan was for Sis to work full-time, get her own place for herself & her daughter, and live close enough to me that we could help one another out from time to time. It's a long, long story, but the end of it is that we learned she wasn't capable of caring for all those responsibilities. When paychecks arrived she went first to buy toys (for her daughter? she had to like them too, and often would play with them more than her daughter) or clothes or lots of junk food. The more nutritional food was from the food pantry and often just sat in the cupboards or the fridge until it went bad. Rent, utilities, etc, weren't paid. Dishes that got dirty weren't cleaned, and often weren't even in the kitchen - until I or my kids went over there and began cleaning up things. Trash wasn't even collected. Beds weren't made. It was just the 2 of them, each having their own bedrooms, and there was plenty of space, plenty of closets, and yet everything was always such a mess!</p><p></p><p>Also, according to Mom, my niece (at just 2.5y) was an absolute angel who put away her toys in the proper places, picked up her messes, always did what G'ma asked her to do, and seemed to love order and balance a lot more than any other 2yo Mom had ever known! This is not the child I now know at 7yo. They've been up here almost 5 years now. We've been living together, fully sharing everything, for almost 3 years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andee, post: 213167, member: 3508"] No, I don't have custody of her, legally, at this time. We have discussed the issue a bit, off and on. We do have papers signed (and if needed notorized) by my sister that put me on an almost equal level as her concerning things for both of them related to health, welfare, legal, and educational aspects. I need to organize my copies of such things better so I carry them with me when going to these various places in person. Some remember better than others. The ones that don't remember us signing all their necessary paperwork sometimes become very challenging to deal with. Sis falls into a real gray area. Her IQ technically comes out to high 70s - but the subtests show levels in the 60s, 70s, and one 90 so that gives one the impression that she's fully functional as an adult. The numbers slide when you begin to involve reasoning on anything. In a more concrete way, her math ability peaks at 5th grade while her language ability peaks at 7th grade. But when presented with a problem that does not have a solid right or wrong, yes or no, sort of answer, she comes up with ideas one might expect of a 10-12 year old child... sometimes that works just fine. We haven't yet figured out if this is from a lack of knowledge or if this is truly the best she can do. I think that's the biggest reason I've held back from custody or guardianship issues. There are areas in life where Sis shows amazing insight, but they are few and far between the times when you have wonder if she's ever going to learn 'this' (which could be almost anything)! My mom has done so much FOR her that it is possible she's not had the opportunity until living with me to do these things. But Sis herself often feels too inadequate to even try to learn new things. Is that from Mom always doing them, or from Mom always telling her "she can't do them" or from some problem within herself? This wasn't explained to me when Mom sent them up here. The initial plan was for Sis to work full-time, get her own place for herself & her daughter, and live close enough to me that we could help one another out from time to time. It's a long, long story, but the end of it is that we learned she wasn't capable of caring for all those responsibilities. When paychecks arrived she went first to buy toys (for her daughter? she had to like them too, and often would play with them more than her daughter) or clothes or lots of junk food. The more nutritional food was from the food pantry and often just sat in the cupboards or the fridge until it went bad. Rent, utilities, etc, weren't paid. Dishes that got dirty weren't cleaned, and often weren't even in the kitchen - until I or my kids went over there and began cleaning up things. Trash wasn't even collected. Beds weren't made. It was just the 2 of them, each having their own bedrooms, and there was plenty of space, plenty of closets, and yet everything was always such a mess! Also, according to Mom, my niece (at just 2.5y) was an absolute angel who put away her toys in the proper places, picked up her messes, always did what G'ma asked her to do, and seemed to love order and balance a lot more than any other 2yo Mom had ever known! This is not the child I now know at 7yo. They've been up here almost 5 years now. We've been living together, fully sharing everything, for almost 3 years. [/QUOTE]
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