Grandparent in denial

[joneshockey]

My 3 1/2 year old son has just been dianosed with ADHD, ODD and a Mood Disorder (mostly likely Bipolar, but due to his age they arent specifying yet). My Mom is having some really difficulties coming to terms that her grandson has these issues... She often will downplay episodes to myself and others while he is in her care. She also tends to brush his aggressive behavior off as normal sibling behavior - Which I feel goes WAY beyond "normal" (hitting, biting, scratching, etc.)She also wants to keep his dianosis hush, hush, I quote "This is a private family matter"... It saddens me that she feels the need to push this under the rug, like she is asshamed - Does anyone have any ideas for me as to how to deal with this situation? Are there any good books out there that I can reccommend that she read?

 

[SRL]

If this is a recent diagnosis, then I think I'd just let it be for awhile. There's a huge urge for us as parents to want those around us to truly understand our kids, agree with the diagnoses, and approve of how we handle things, and the reality is that it ain't gonna happen all at once.

Most grandparents struggle--there's a pretty big element of Gene Pool Pride at work most of the time. Grandparents who aren't in daily contact with the child or who raised a challenging child who turned out fine in the end seem to especially struggle.

Just my 2 cents--if you're countering her comments, I'd ease off from explanations or justifications and give some kind of neutral, non-committal response.

 

[nvts]

I agree - often times you'll also find that as time marches on, diagnosis's change or are added to or have a "slightly different spin". It seems like every time I get my family "in tune" with a diagnosis, one of the diagnosis' change! Then I have to start from scratch.

Three and 1/2 is awfully young to hang your hat on one opinion (in my opinion - lol!). Quite often, after testing and other stuff, they will throw high-functioning autism in, Aspergers, or many other variations of things.

SRL made a ton of good points - what I'd recommend is that you come here often, blow off some steam and find comfort in the fact that you've made a bunch of new friends who understand!

Welcome home!

Beth

 

[joneshockey]

Thanks Beth! I could REALLY use the support right now... my parents, friends and sometimes even my husband (whom isn't around a whole lot, since he works 2 jobs) don't understand what it is like to cope with my son's behavior 27/7. I am hopeful that his new medication will help, but am well aware that it is going to take time & possibly many changes before we see nice improvement. I will definately continue to use this website as a venting tool!

In anwer to your quesiton about 1st opinions... this is actually the 3rd dr. whom my son has gone to and they all pretty much have said the same thing, however I know he is VERY young and will continue to log and montor symtoms so that we can make the best decisions for him. I just want him to have the best childhood/schooling (since he had numerous problems in preschool last year)he can.

Does anyone know if there is a way for me to request a meeting to discuss placement in ECSE (earily childhood Special Education) without him currently having an IEP? He was tested last winter, but at that time he did not qualify for the program. Now that he has had a full psychiatric evalution I have good feeling that he may now qualify under emotionally impaired.

 

[nvts]

Hi! I'd recommend that you ask about the educational stuff in the Special Education forum - Sheila, Marty and JJJ really have this stuff down to a science - you'll gain a ton of insight from them!

I'm glad you'll be coming around. These ladies have given me the best insight, a kick in the pants when I need it (lol), got me through a pregnancy and a seperation. There can't be a better class of people around!

Beth

 

[maxeygirls]

I dealt with the same thing, still do to a degree. I tried showing them literature the hospital provided, even having them talk to the psychiatrist. My mother is more accepting after a year but my father isn't. I finally had to tell him that if he wants to know what is going on with difficult child he'll have to shut up and listen because I'm not going to argue over her diagnosis every single time. It's hard on them just like it's hard on us, but in some ways worse I think. Hang in there, I think most of us have been in your shoes.