Guess what difficult child told me about how they are running his bip?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Oct 11, 2011.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    First , thanks ahead of time for the rant. I will be a grown up in my non-cyber life, smile.

    Last night difficult child went with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker, he ended up shaking his kool-aid bottle and it stained her coat, he was wired up, they went to wash it and it took time from his activities (natural consequence) and he did well thru it. They talked though and he was really upset about school that day.
    I knew because I had a call that he was having a rough time during the story about the kid with Asperger's, I suspected it triggered his "I dont want to be Autistic and I dont want to talk about it" anxiety and sure enough, even his teacher said that this is what he eventually told her at the end of the day. His schedule was also changed because he is not going to do his morning cafeteria job which is a huge loss to him, he says he doesn't care one minute and then asks if he can work with the food again the next. I wish they could see thru his defensive talk.

    Then it turns out the other kid who was saying sex words in class was suspended, so my kid (who has done this before) says, he got suspended from and I only got suspended from lunch. Glad I didn't get suspended from school. Staff takes this to mean if he would have been suspended he would get a better lesson. Sigh, I am so over it. He was thinking what all kids would think in that situation but he HAS to say it out loud. (and in my opinion the other kid probably shouldn't have been suspended either, should have had to write about it, apologize to the class, have a social story about private talk etc...just stupid what they do, like it will build skills). Later he switches and says to me, he only got one day of suspension and I got a whole week of being lonely. Is that their point mom? to make me lonely? OH my gosh.

    So, he can't settle at all last night, he is up and down all night and this morning he says he had a dream that mr admin pulled him into the office and he is suspended again. I ask why and he tells me what he said about other Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid. I asked why he said that, he said he knows he will get suspended because he did last year when he said a similar thing to another Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) boy (when the kid got kicked out after hitting my difficult child). In that situation, when he said, haha you got suspended, HE got suspended. (very kindergarten-like) So I said, well does that mean you didn't learn the lesson, he said, MOM! I know I shouldn't say that, why dont you fix my brain, you keep getting me suspended because you wont get the doctor to fix my brain. My mouth just said it. I said, can you put your hand on your mouth to help you stop? He says, it just has to come out, I know they will get so mad at me. I told him we are working on teaching him to control it and we will also keep working with the doctors to help with his medications.
    So he is asking me over and over before he gets on the bus.... will I get to school and be suspended today, I had to be honest, I dont know-but, I said, the email I got said he turned it around and that he was in green for the rest of the day and that he was ok. So maybe not.

    THEN he says, mom, when I said that they write it all down. They always write everything I say down. They tell me they are turning it all into mr. admin at the end of the day. That's what they always do. OK, so now I picture him sitting thru every ouburst not only trying to use his "tools" to calm but also having to deal with the fact that he sees them documenting everything and he is kind of provoked by it. Seems like a big flaw in the plan is there....they are supposed to just put a slash mark on a number every few minutes. They can write notes in private. He asked me if he is on a behavior plan because he is the toughest kid in the school? I tell him lots of kids are on plans, he says well I am just gonna be the toughest then, good. (SO obvious, as he desperately runs around hugging everyone saying sorry etc... arrrgggg)

    OK THAT is not on the plan. If they want to document, fine. IF they want to torture him with threats of suspension daily, then WONDER why he is so anxious and increasing his physical and verbal outbursts...... I am going to BLOW.

    So, I sent a very nicely worded email asking about this issue, reminding them about how his level of anxiety is directly related to his increasing behaviors. I remind them that while a threat of that kind of punishment may stop him for the moment (and I get that it has to be that way sometimes, in safety situations) it will sabotage things for the future/overall. Look at our whole evening and how he is worrying about today! I fully expect an early phone call. I will be there today (my day to volunteer) so we will see.
    I cc'd it to the behavior support team and mr admin. I know it is going to be weeks of him worrying now, been there done that many times.

    I also sent it to our Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) expert who attends all meetings. I am asking for his advice and how to help educate them more. He will call me today I am sure. I am still waiting for pacer and mn disability law to call back, in the mean time I have all of the paperwork and emails all collected for them. I know he is a hard kid but doesn't mean they can just go off the plan when they get frustrated. I dont know if the teacher was a part of this or not, the behavior team aide is not there anymore and the school aides are doing it on theirown Maybe we need the other one back.

    My biggest weakness in life is dealing with conflict. When it involves me, I tend to let it go or stew. I really think the universe, God, put me in this life to teach me how to handle it successfully or why else would it be like this? When it is for someone else I plow thru. Just have to.
  2. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    His poor self-esteem! Wow, I would be livid. You are working through this much better than I would. Would it help to document his conversations with you and read them at the next meeting. Sit back say "we have a problem. How do we change what we are doing so its not hurting him."

    I'd just want to throttle admin.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I wanna fly you in to attend with me! yeah, I wrote it all down and sent it to the psychiatric who comes with us too. We are going to talk about how to present this stuff to them AGAIN. Great idea....I will keep doing it!
  4. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Just had the thought. What if your next IEP meeting was in the superintendents office? I'm sure the superintendent doesn't want lawyers involved. You could explain that you are having a very hard time get the principal to the meeting and the principal is not following the IEP.
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hugs, buddy. Sorry you are having to go through all this. Know what you mean about wondering whether the universe put these problems in your way to help you handle them better:) No real advice because the situation is too specific to the States for me to know about but just wanted to offer a small cyber shoulder of solidarity.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    It all definately helps. I have been doing this on my own for a long time, my family is great but you know, they want to fix it and really dont have the tools and this site is different, just kind supportive listening and real advice thrown in. I love that. This too in my humble opinion was something I was lead to.

    Thanks everyone.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    My difficult child is the same way, ramping up the anxiety to deal with-his 504 and not wanting to be different.
    At least we haven't gotten in as deep as you have ... but I can easily see this happening. Pencil pushers-instead of common sense.
    So sorry.
    Go ahead and rant. You've earned it.