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Guess who didn't come home last night?
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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 141277" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Star,</p><p>I like what you said and how you said it. I think it is sort of like being in a love relationship--if you go chasing after the guy and you are waiting around for him to call, etc. he feels smothered. The minute you demonstrate that you have your own life that does not revolve around him he is running after you.</p><p></p><p>When my dtr was first out in Seattle she was calling a lot--needed emotional and financial help. Now she is on her feet and calls less and will sometimes forget she said she would call a certain day. I don't wait around for the call, in fact I usually forget that she was supposed to call. When she does call she is apologetic but I understand that she is busy and I am not on her mind all that much. I know she cares about me and the rest of the family but she has her own life to live and we are not center stage. I think that is good for her and good for us.</p><p></p><p>I have a friend whose mom lives and breathes for her (the friend is in her 40's) and my friend just dreads talking to her and spending time with her because her mom is so dependent on her for her own emotional wellbeing. MB, I am not saying that is what you are doing--this is an extreme example of a parent's overdependence on their child. I am sure you are going to do just fine, it will take time to adjust. Then you'll probably wonder how you lived with her as long as you did!</p><p></p><p>I remember pining for my son when he went off to college even though I was ready to throw him out by the time he left because he was so unpleasant. I really had to grieve for awhile, I missed him so much and I felt unneeded. He hardly called, he seemed to be having such a great time, I thought he would never want to come home again. But I adjusted and my fears were unfounded--boy, were they--he lives with me now!</p><p></p><p>Take care, MB, you are going to be fine. Keep coming and posting. We all need you!</p><p></p><p>Love,</p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 141277, member: 3208"] Star, I like what you said and how you said it. I think it is sort of like being in a love relationship--if you go chasing after the guy and you are waiting around for him to call, etc. he feels smothered. The minute you demonstrate that you have your own life that does not revolve around him he is running after you. When my dtr was first out in Seattle she was calling a lot--needed emotional and financial help. Now she is on her feet and calls less and will sometimes forget she said she would call a certain day. I don't wait around for the call, in fact I usually forget that she was supposed to call. When she does call she is apologetic but I understand that she is busy and I am not on her mind all that much. I know she cares about me and the rest of the family but she has her own life to live and we are not center stage. I think that is good for her and good for us. I have a friend whose mom lives and breathes for her (the friend is in her 40's) and my friend just dreads talking to her and spending time with her because her mom is so dependent on her for her own emotional wellbeing. MB, I am not saying that is what you are doing--this is an extreme example of a parent's overdependence on their child. I am sure you are going to do just fine, it will take time to adjust. Then you'll probably wonder how you lived with her as long as you did! I remember pining for my son when he went off to college even though I was ready to throw him out by the time he left because he was so unpleasant. I really had to grieve for awhile, I missed him so much and I felt unneeded. He hardly called, he seemed to be having such a great time, I thought he would never want to come home again. But I adjusted and my fears were unfounded--boy, were they--he lives with me now! Take care, MB, you are going to be fine. Keep coming and posting. We all need you! Love, Jane [/QUOTE]
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